Possessive and toxic friendships: the horror of living with absorbent people

There are links that systematically weaken us. These are possessive and toxic friendships. A relationship that we share with absorbing people and that ends up turning a genuine and valuable feeling into the source of horror.

Absorbent people frequently exhaust us, weaken us, and drain our energy. They do not leave room for the interests and needs that each person has individually. Probably when we recriminate their demands they say that they are doing it for our good. They question whether our attitude is appropriate and manage our feeling of guilt as they please.

These people may not consciously want to harm us. Perhaps we too have become absorbent and toxic on occasion. Their selfish attitude can be explained by a chronic negative emotional state and a lack of self-esteem that they seek to make up for in the only way they know how: by making the people around them their own.

How to identify emotional predators

The coercion of our emotional and relational freedom works like predation. Potential emotional predators seek out the most appetizing people. These are the people who are possessors of those characteristics that they envy: kindness, charisma, willpower, etc.

As we already know, to whom a good tree grows close, a good shade shelters him. Therefore, these possessive and toxic friendships get closer to the good essence of their friends by masking their actions with true friendship as their banner.

But true friendship It is not the one that prevents us from growing, but the one that nourishes the balance and well-being of all members. Thus, we can know that a good relationship is NOT:

Emotionally abusing others.Manipulating others to achieve individual interests.Taking advantage of the trust inherent in the ties that bind us to people to leave them emotionally breathless.Having sporadic gestures of kindness that attempt to repair the unhappiness caused.Criticizing fiercely those issues that do the most damage. Withdraw support at convenience. Promote emotional dependence. Remember past mistakes and use blackmail as a tool. Not take responsibility for our actions. Humiliate and ignore in a subtle way without the environment The common victim understands it as such. Feeling jealous of the other person’s well-being with others. Decreasing the development potential of others.

A game of masks

There are vampires of all ages and conditions. There are possessive and toxic friendships around every corner. They are usually people close to us. They use their power and cunning to satisfy their need for manipulative action. In this way they obtain the socio-affective nutrition that they demand so much.

The more masked they are, the more dangerous they are. They may be friendships of years and the intensity of the experiences lived prevents us from seeing the sick tree within a leafy forest.

Likewise, in discussions and disputes They only give in when they know they can get a greater benefit. They skillfully handle the “and you more” and the “do you remember when… now it’s your turn”. That “it’s your turn” It is usually an even larger concession than the previous one.

complicated relationships

They have difficulty accessing direct confrontation, so they flee when something bothers them and does not fit their interests and ego. Besides, They often dress their reactions with dramatic emotionality. In the same way, he ends up locking them behind the bars of compulsion, which provokes a repetition of his absorbing stratagems.

But Beautiful and healthy friendships are the complete opposite of possessive and toxic friendships.. They are the ones that give us wings to fly and reasons to stay, they are the ones that promote sensitivity and emotionality in a balanced and genuine way.

Remember that it depends on your ability to identify them that they do not catch you or the people around you. Flee from daggers disguised as friendship and always look for balance, because I assure you that you will not regret it. Stay away from those who keep you away from you.

Learn from toxic and possessive friendships

Having someone toxic around is not always so negative. Yes, it is true that we should stay away, however, we can also learn something. Although it may seem surprising, They can teach us, for example, patience. When the attitude of a friend steals a lot of energy from us, trying to remain patient and calm can be a good lesson.

Another learning is compassion. What do we mean by compassion? In observing that person and understanding that their behavior arises from a suffering that we do not understand. When someone is toxic there is an underlying cause that makes them this way. Understanding it will make us see it differently. In this way, we will know that his words and his way of being are caused by a not very correct learning history.

If we want to go a little further, we can learn about love. We can try to help this person and try to open his eyes about his behavior. Normally, there is no more blind than the one who does not want to see. Nor is it easy to make someone aware of his behavior. However, this does not mean that we try to make your life a little happier.

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