People who don’t have a life tend to question the lives of others.

People who do not value themselves or who do not have a motivating life project sometimes tend to project their frustrations onto those around them.

There are people who have the habit of valuing the lives, achievements and decisions of others. This happens even though no one has asked their opinion, so their comments usually have not very good intentions.

Although we know that this happens and we can detect malicious criticism from good comments, we cannot always prevent it from affecting us in some way. When criticism and contempt are continuous, what “hurts” is our self-esteem.

In this sense, there are times that we can help them be aware that they are making hundreds of insurmountable mistakes by getting into the lives of others, but other times we have to distance ourselves in order to safeguard our own emotional health.

Thus, something that we must be clear about profiles characterized by constant criticism and judgment is that there are hidden dimensions that need to be understood. Whoever uses permanent contempt undoubtedly lacks a good self-concept. Their resentment is not only harmful to others, it is also harmful to themselves.

Understanding those internal dynamics and Knowing how to manage them by placing appropriate limits is a health and well-being strategy in which we must invest.

Normally the people who get involved in the lives of others are the ones who have the greatest emotional conflict in their own, as they tend to ride between low self-esteem, rejection and their difficulties.

What people think about you is their reality, not yours.

Probably at some point the opinions and judgments of others have made you question what your reality is. You may have come to think that you lived covering your eyes and that in reality you were not at all aware of the image that you projected inside and outside of yourself.

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As Carl Rogers, the greatest exponent of humanistic psychology, explains to us, nothing is as necessary as knowing who we are. Reaffirming our identity by separating it from what others may project or tell us is key to being able to situate ourselves in the world and reaffirm ourselves. Remember that Others may know our name, but not our history, They have not lived in our skin nor worn our shoes.

Think that if you yourself have the feeling of not knowing yourself on occasion, others cannot have reached a place where not even you have been. So, Be aware that your words only obey an illusory reality that your mind has created.

Don’t expect others to understand your journey, especially if they have never had to walk your path.

Pass your own filters to other people’s judgments

Mental filters help us clarify what is important. They in turn have to do with the different ways in which we interpret our reality and the meaning we give to what surrounds us. Even more, if we are not able to carry out this adjustment of perception, we will let ideas that are unhealthy for our own identity and self-esteem pass through these filters.

What’s more, studies such as the one carried out at the University of Western Ontario explain to us that Those who do not adequately apply these mental barriers can begin to get carried away by negative and limiting thoughts.. Falling into these mental dynamics where we focus only on what people tell us makes us more vulnerable to depression or anxiety disorders.

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“The young disciple of a wise philosopher comes home and says:

-Master, a friend was talking about you with malevolence…

-Wait! -the philosopher interrupts him-. Did you put what you are going to tell me through the three filters?

–The three filters? -asked his disciple.

-Yes, the first is the truth. Are you sure that what you want to tell me is absolutely true?

-No. I heard it comment from some neighbors.

-At least you will have put it through the second filter, which is kindness. Is what you want to tell me good for anyone?

-No, not really. On the contrary…

-Ah, well! The last filter is necessity. Is it necessary to let me know what worries you so much?

-To tell the truth, no.

“Then,” said the wise man, smiling, If it is not true, nor good nor necessary, let us bury it in oblivion.“

We are the ones who give validity to the words and actions of others. Therefore, it is important that we filter the information that is truly constructive and separate it from the destructive.

Thus, passing the filters of truth, goodness and necessity, we will be left with that which truly deserves joy and not sorrow. Only when we stop living according to what others expect or think of us, do we manage to feel good.

Surround yourself with people who help you, not nullify you.

Surround yourself with those people who add you and avoid those who subtract you. Do not allow yourself to be overruled with criticism, comments or ratings that are not intended to help you. Get rid of those words that seek to nullify your capabilities or truncate your dreams and aspirations.

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Approach people with sincere eyes, as they are the ones who will understand and respect who you are and what you feel. The people you can lean on are those who offer you peace without noise, without distortions and without ulterior motives.

Definitely, try not to pay attention to the malevolent irony and work to build a place in your world that is far from the emotional blackmail, destruction and toxicity that characterize certain people and environments.