The habits necessary to recover from emotional abuse

Recovering from emotional abuse involves first and foremost having to process a traumatic experience. that has undermined our self-esteem. To do this, let’s avoid blaming ourselves, because the mistake is never in those who trust, in those who give everything for that relationship. The “crime” is in the person who lies, in the narcissistic and unhealthy person who functions through manipulation, blackmail and psychological abuse.

If we emphasize the importance of not assuming full responsibility or guilt for what has happened, it is for a very specific fact. When a person finally manages to leave a relationship of this caliber, it is very common for both them and a member of their environment to think that “But how come he hasn’t left his partner before? How is it possible that she was so blind as not to see everything that was happening?”

Its not that easy. Emotional abuse is not easy to unmask because its mechanisms are sometimes very subtle, as well as sophisticated.. To this we must add another no less important ingredient: love. Because we cannot forget that those who love are stubborn, trusting and committed. Hence, these mechanisms are not seen with the naked eye and if they are perceived, if they are noticed, the brain applies very complex strategies to dissuade doubts, to clear away a dense fog that prevents us from seeing clearly what is happening.

Until in the end we do, in the end one is fully aware of what is happening because sooner or later, When we look in the mirror, we no longer recognize ourselves. The person reflected in the glass is little more than a shadow of who we were before…

Recovering from emotional abuse, a situation that not everyone achieves

The cycle of emotional abuse often works like an addiction. There is a punishment-reward flow that we get caught up in. At moments they give us excessive attention, the most incredible affection, they are detailed and passionate, but soon the demand, the coldness, the humiliation and the reproach that causes wounds appear.

Good treatment is linked to abuse in an endless chain where we install ourselves as one more piece of the machinery controlled by the abuser. Leaving this dynamic, freeing ourselves from it, is not easy at all. Even more, Nor do we believe that by achieving this, by ending that relationship, we have put an end to suffering.

Many people, men and women, who finally leave an abusive relationship innocently assume that with that brave step everything is over. They think that after that decision, everything will be better, that after hitting rock bottom everything will now go up quickly and that recovery will be immediate. However, that is not the case.

Symptoms that you have not overcome your abusive relationship

Feelings of guilt. We focused on ourselves a certain anger for not having seen it before, for having wasted so much time on someone who was hurting us.Guilt is mixed with anger. We accumulate so much frustration and anger that we sometimes project this feeling onto others at some point.We become distrustful.We can go through periods of great hyperactivity, we want to do many things, get involved in various projects, but soon we feel exhausted, lacking energy. Our self-image, sense of self, as well as our self-esteem continue to be damaged, violated. We no longer experience positive emotions with the same intensity as before, now the joy is less joyful, the illusion less motivating and the dreams less hopeful. We feel like anesthetized…

Keys to recovering from emotional abuse

As we pointed out at the beginning, To recover from emotional abuse it is good to re-interpret our condition as victims, so that it does not occupy our entire self-concept. Let’s put aside that feeling of guilt, along with that helplessness that in the long run will make the traumatic state even more chronic. The victim identity disempowers us and further undermines our sense of self.

Let’s see, therefore, what approaches, what strategies we should work on.

Focus, you are brave and you must take ownership of your own life

You are not a victim, you are a brave person who must recover from a traumatic past. To do this, you must focus on the present moment and take control. You are responsible for your own life, and responsible means “the one who knows how to respond to things.” Therefore, dissuade the feeling of guilt from your mind and take charge of the situation, of your reality.

In the face of existential anguish, calm

Recovering from emotional abuse involves, as we have said, learning to be responsible for ourselves in this new stage of our life. Now, when taking that step it is common to feel anguish, fear, confusion… Faced with these feelings, the answer is “calm.”

Be calm, understand that no one is going to rush you to recover, understand and assume that all healing takes time. and therefore, there is no choice but to follow our own rhythm, listen to ourselves and accept all our emotions. Little by little we will take full control of everything that surrounds us.

Positive management of your reality

After an abusive relationship, it is common to accumulate anger, feel distrust, having a somewhat negative image of ourselves by feeling like victims of something that we should have stopped as soon as possible. To avoid getting trapped in these states, we must apply a more positive approach to what surrounds us.

If you feel anger, channel it, release it.If you feel alone, talk to other people, support groups who have been through the same thing as you.If you perceive that you are not moving forward, that every attempt returns you to that starting point where helplessness and frustration is, ask for professional help.

To recover from emotional abuse we must positively manage our reality, We must apply a constructive approach where there is no lack of resources, support, openness to our environment, providing us with adequate therapies and perspectives that allow us to return to a more luminous sense of self.

We can all get out of the cycle of abuse and… we will not always do so unscathed, it is clear, but We can emerge stronger by building an image of ourselves that is much more dignified, resilient, and valuable.

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