People who do not say thank you: the origin of ingratitude

Why are there people who don’t say thank you? While it is true that we do not always need others to be grateful to us at every moment, we do expect certain gestures of courtesy, or at least a kind attitude towards our efforts or concessions. However, there are profiles that for very different reasons are incapable of carrying out this type of social signals.

We all know some cases. Furthermore, it is curious that This type of behavior, far from being isolated, is seen with some frequency. Most of us have a family member, co-worker or classmate, whom we have helped on more than one occasion and who has responded to us in a cold or even hostile manner.

These are situations that usually leave us in a position that is as uncomfortable as it is painful. This is because often, without having to wait for an effusive “thank you,” we encounter someone who does not feel satisfied with our gesture. Even more, They may even assume that you made that effort or sacrifice because it was what was expected of you.. It was your obligation.

These types of dynamics in our relationships often generate a certain feeling of guilt. We ask ourselves “but why would I have been so naive as to have done this for this person?”. Well, we need to clear up this feeling of guilt to understand something very simple: the problem is with them. Ingratitude has a series of very specific psychological origins.

People who don’t say thank you, what are they like?

There are people who don’t say thank you and others who say thank you all the time and for almost anything. They are two opposite positions with which we live and that often continue to draw our attention. Now, as psychologist Pinhas Berger, from Tel Aviv University, points out to us, those who are unable to pronounce the word thank you They are losing their potential to create satisfying relationships and even to fulfill themselves as people.

Those who do not thank (because they do not want to or do not know how) somehow invalidate or hinder the value of the efforts and positive gestures of others. And something like that creates impact. Little by little they end up receiving what they themselves project: distrust and hostility. However, why do they do it? What’s behind people who don’t say thank you?

In a study carried out by Dr. Pinhas Berger, mentioned above, he points out several interesting things. The first is that Is there a possibility of reversing this type of behavior. In reality, these profiles present multiple deficiencies (emotional and those related to social skills) that can be treated. However, the first thing is to know the origin of these dynamics. These would be some causes.

Ingratitude “state” and ingratitude “trait”

This first piece of information is important. The authors of this work recommend differentiating people who at a given moment may show a certain ingratitude from those who always show this type of gesture.

Let us think, for example, that Various psychological conditions, such as depression or an anxiety disorder, can cause us to not be as sensitive or receptive to the acts that others do for us.. We do not see them and we do not appreciate them because we are not well, at that specific moment in our lives.

Lack of interpersonal skills

Another factor that we can consider is the lack of education. There are, indeed, people who were not taught at one point to be grateful for the little things in everyday life. To be cordial, kind, to use those basic prosocial behaviors on a daily basis.

Thus, and although sometimes they are aware that perhaps they should make an effort to improve, generating change requires too much effort. It’s more, Showing a certain kindness from one day to the next would be moving too far from their essence, which is why they never take the step forward.

Now, sometimes, More than lack of education, what is lacking are social skills. Not knowing how to communicate, not making an effort to practice cordiality, kindness and even a minimal sense of reciprocity, are other aspects to consider.

Lack of empathy

Many people who don’t say thank you don’t do it because they simply don’t see or appreciate the kind gestures. His glasses are very dark, his heart is somewhat cold and his brain is very lacking in emotional intelligence. They will not see, for example, that we strive every day to make their lives easier.

They take everything we do for granted because it is simply what is expected of us. This lack of empathy and emotional coldness becomes chronic until reaching dysfunctional states.. Hence, they can even become increasingly demanding and even hostile. If at any point we refuse to make further concessions, they may react negatively.

What can we do about people who don’t say thank you?

Dr. Pinhas Berger points out that it is possible to reverse this behavior. That is, through a program based on social skills and emotional management, it would be possible to improve those behaviors that are often so uncomfortable and unreceptive.

Now, however, we know that it is not easy to change someone accustomed to not practicing the art of kindness overnight. Those who do not appreciate even a glass of water, or that we pick up something that has fallen on the ground, will not appreciate our sacrifices and concessions either.

It is undoubtedly a very complex topic where each profile is a world. Be that as it may, what we do know is that these behaviors generate discord, frustration and discomfort.. Let’s try, therefore, to measure what we do for ungrateful people. Let’s assess whether it’s worth it or not and above all let’s avoid imitating their behavior.

Giving thanks is the noblest and simplest act of recognizing others.. It is giving it visibility, it is being grateful for what it is and what it does. Let’s not forget it and practice this good exercise daily.

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