People addicted to conflict: profiles at war with themselves

Living with people addicted to conflict is like living in a mined territory. Not only do they strain the atmosphere with their discomfort and with that anxiety of someone who knows that a comment, a gesture or a word is enough to make them jump on us. Furthermore, they infect us with that tension typical of those who do nothing but fight internal wars.

We all know or have at some point encountered a clearly conflictive personality. We are not talking about the classic problem seeker who may be in any high school classroom right now, trying to overcome his adolescence and identity crisis.. We are referring to a very specific profile that is characterized by behavior aimed only at destabilizing, breaking the family balance, creating disputes. between neighbors, and real pitched battles in any work scenario.

We are talking about an addiction, an almost compulsive search for conflict. Thus, rather than taking it as something anecdotal, authors as relevant as Dr. Bill Eddy, mediator and creator of the institute for conflict resolution, warn us of something very concrete. In our culture, this type of personality is present in almost any sphere. We must, therefore, become aware of what lies behind them to manage them better.

People addicted to conflict, the anatomy of anger

We could say that the best strategy to deal with people addicted to conflict is to avoid them. However, not everything in this life is solved by leaving through the back door, putting distance or deleting someone from our contact list. As social beings we are obliged to coexist and, even more, also There is a possibility that we ourselves are one of those people.. Someone used to resorting to conflict when there is something we know how to handle.

On the other hand, an aspect that social workers, lawyers, psychologists or psychiatrists often encounter is this type of personality. Because People addicted to conflict, whether we believe it or not, are behind many lawsuits, complaints, cases of gender violence and labor disputes.. It is how we see a more than evident reality, a specific behavior where there is someone who seeks to project their anger on others.

Dr. Eddy estimates that if 15% of the adult population presents some psychological disorder of those included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), and at least 10% of this proportion evidence what he has called “high conflict personality.”. Let’s see what traits and behaviors this personality type would portray.

What are people addicted to conflict like?

Something that we must be clear about when we face a high-conflict personality is that the problem, dispute, or excessive reaction that they have projected onto us is not real. The problem is not in us, but in them. In that interior lacking balance, emotional management, psychological strength.

These are its characteristics.

Their thinking style is all or nothing. They do not analyze, they are not flexible, they do not take any time to weigh a situation. They limit themselves to generating a type of response based on aggression or criticism when they do not like something or it does not meet their expectations.Low effectiveness in emotional control. Some conflictive people do have some control over their emotions, but they do so with one sole purpose: to emotionally manipulate others. Others limit themselves to pouring out their anger and frustration on others until they create very exhausting atmospheres.They destabilize environments and people. People addicted to conflict are experts in spreading rumors, in criticizing, in displaying behaviors of domination, humiliation, and continuous offense.No resistance to frustration and blame seekers. The conflict addict does not tolerate that something does not turn out or is not as he or she expects. He not only gets frustrated, but he turns that frustration into anger and looks for someone to blame. Their thoughts about him are always dominated by negative emotions. They have an inability to reflect on their own behavior.Difficulty empathizing with othersThey avoid any type of responsibility for the problem or for seeking a solution.

How to handle people addicted to conflict?

There will be more conflictive people and people with whom you can reason a little better. Now, in many cases we are forced to live with profiles that are as complex as they are exhausting, and that is where it is necessary to take appropriate measures. A first aspect that we must not leave aside is the following: Let’s avoid taking their reactions as something strictly personal, in reality this profile is in conflict with itself.

Therefore, and to the extent possible, let’s not waste ourselves any more giving explanations and arguing with someone who cannot and does not want to listen to reason. Let’s not get carried away by their own storms and limit ourselves to identifying them to deactivate the impact they may have on us.

Likewise, and from a clinical point of view, it is also important to talk about how to intervene. The DSM itself is studying the possibility of already including high-conflict personality as a type of disorder to consider., hence we should not ignore the importance of receiving specific psychological treatment. In this way, relevant aspects such as emotional management, control and origin of anger or how to learn to bond with others through empathy and more respectful behaviors could be worked on.

We will conclude by saying that no one seeks to have a conflictive personality. We will establish certain limits with them, it is clear, but we must also consider that very often Behind that uncomfortable façade of “looking for problems” opens a background of complexities and hidden wounds that demand attention..

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