Only you can save yourself: 3 steps to get out of the hole

No, no one is going to come to save you from yourself, from yourself. No person is going to solve your problems. And if you don’t want to get to it, they can’t even help you.

A partner can provide you with emotional and logistical support, and your affective networks can also help you in different ways. However, to get out of an addiction, to get out of a depression, to heal your wounds and take care of your mental and emotional health, the work you have to do yourself, yourself.

You have to be fully responsible for your well-being and commit to yourself and your happiness.

In the happy endings of the stories we are told, lovers save each other and love is like a magic spell that transforms their lives. Love suddenly enters them to solve all problems and to make them happy forever. But, in reality, the love of a couple does not save anyone because every transformation process requires a very deep personal work.

Only we ourselves can carry out the changes we need to be better. SOnly we can take the helm of the ship in which we sail, making decisions, developing strategies, and making pacts with ourselves.

First step: know what you want to change

Many times we believe that we cannot. And it is true, alone and alone is more difficult. If we have a mutual support network, it is much easier. But neither a couple, nor family or friends are going to get us out of the hole: they are up there waiting for you to start climbing, and so that when you manage to peek out at the end of the hole, they can offer you their hand to facilitate the last steps. But they can’t go down with you into the hole, they can’t go down with you. AND It’s not fair that you ask them to do it.

Each of us is working on their own. Sometimes we take longer because we can’t identify what’s wrong with us, nor is it easy for us to say out loud what we need, what we want. And when we did, we don’t know how to get it.

We feel lost and lost because We don’t know where to start but in reality it is easy: you have to listen to yourself, ask yourself many questions, and explore our interior to get to know ourselves better. So we can know what hurts us, what hurts others about ourselves, what things we could change to suffer less and to make our loved ones suffer less.

It is also important be clear about what we can change, and what cannot. You will know because what you can change is what has to do with you, and what you cannot change is what has to do with others. That is to say: you cannot change anyone but yourself.

Second step: make decisions

The second step, after knowing what you want to change, is to make decisions. Sit down to develop the strategy to achieve the changes you need: how are you going to do it? What small changes should you make to achieve giant changes? What works for you and what doesn’t? What helps you and what makes it more difficult for you?

It’s very important trust yourself and ask for professional help if you think you can’t alone, or if you think a good therapy could give you some clues about the work you need to do.

Third step: act

The next step is put theory into practice in your day to day, in your closest relationships, in your habits, in your work space, in your home, with your closest circle of people, in your partner. Sometimes it is a matter of trial and error until you find the formula that gives you the best results: set realistic goals and put a lot of love and energy into your personal work.

And above all, remember that you should not ask anyone to do your job, don’t expect anyone to take care of it, don’t dream of magical solutions that don’t require any effort, don’t delegate your self-care to anyone but yourself. Only you can save yourself.