Non-negotiable aspects in a couple: what is their importance and how to identify yours?

Being in a relationship can be a wonderful experience, as long as it is done consciously. That is, taking into account that the union must nourish and contribute to both parties, and that it should not be a source of suffering. To make it possible, it is necessary to identify your non-negotiables in a partner, those red lines that should never be crossed and those ingredients that are essential for you.

These non-negotiables They are not a list of demands for the other. They are not a series of requests that you make to your partner so that they comply, or conditions that you impose on them. On the contrary, they are the points that you must be clear about when selecting a partner, and what you must abide by when deciding whether to continue or end a relationship.

Definitely, It is not about getting the other to conform to your list, but about you yourself are faithful to it and make coherent decisions about. With this clear, we see what these points consist of and how you can identify yours.

The non-negotiables are necessary to enjoy the relationship and coexistence.

What are non-negotiables in a couple?

As we said, the non-negotiables are those points that must be present so that you can enjoy a shared life. Some of them are common, since they are basic principles of humanity, respect and coexistence (although sometimes we overlook them). Others, however, are individual and refer to each person’s scale of values.

So, let’s start by looking at some examples of these red lines that should never be crossed:

Sincerity

Honesty is essential to building trust in a couple, so we can feel safe and linked. If the other person lies, hides information or distorts it, this can generate high levels of stress and keep you constantly on alert.

Thus, jealousy and distrust set in and suffering becomes more present than enjoyment. For this not to happen, sincerity must be a maxim that is always respected.

I respect

Respect implies consideration for others and is manifested by treating them with dignity and value.. Thus, physical or verbal attacks, humiliation, blackmail or threats should have no place in the relationship. Nor indifference or contempt.

Regardless of the context (even in the middle of an argument) and the level of commitment you have, you always deserve to be treated humanely and you should accept no less.

Empathy

Empathy refers to ability to connect with the mental and emotional world of another; to step out, for a moment, from our own perspective and try to understand that of the couple. This is a fundamental exercise that we do not always do, but it is essential to bond emotionally.

In a relationship, you must feel heard, cared for, accompanied and supported. It is important that the other person knows how to validate your emotions, that they do not minimize them and that they stay by your side even in your lowest moments. Although this may seem like an achievement or a privilege, it is a basic issue whose absence we should not tolerate.

Assertiveness

Finally, when choosing a partner we should prioritize emotional maturity and communication skills. The person with whom you share your life should know how to express their opinions, needs and desires when necessary and in an appropriate manner; ought be willing to listen, negotiate, compromise and resolve conflicts calmly. This skill will avoid misunderstandings, arguments and hidden frustrations that end up wearing down the couple.

What are your non-negotiables?

Now, beyond these basic ones, there are others that are exclusive to each person. These They will depend on your scale of values, your needs and personal preferences.. However, these are not whims, but rather those elements that you really need to find in another person to feel affinity and be able to build together.

Some of the most important points to review may be the following:

Language of love

Each person expresses and desires to receive love in a different way. There are very physical people, others who long for and appreciate words of affirmation, and others who express their affection by making life easier for their partner.

It is important to identify what your love language is and communicate it to your partner, as well as know theirs. Think that there are many ways to show love, and knowing the ones preferred by both of you will make you feel loved.

Ideology

Ideology is a point that can unite or divide a couple; For this reason, it is convenient look for a romantic partner who is on a similar wavelength. A very logical and scientific person is probably going to end up clashing with someone who is very spiritual. And the same happens with political or religious ideologies.

Commitment and type of relationship

At this point aspects such as the degree of commitment you want in your relationship and the type of bond. A monogamous couple is not the same as an open one, a short-term free union or a formal relationship with a view to the future.

Determine what you want and need in this regard, what serves and works for you, and make sure that the person you are with has the same expectations and purposes as you.

Values ​​and lifestyle

Finally, we can consider what lifestyle we would like the person with whom we are going to connect to have. It is possible that you prefer a traditional, familiar and homely person or a free, traveling and carefree person. Maybe it is important to you that the other person is ambitious and dedicated to their professional projects, or that they are healthy and prioritize taking care of their body.

Maybe for some people this is not relevant, but for others can make a difference when it comes to admiring your partner and get along with her. Therefore, if this is your case, do not be afraid to clarify these points and look for someone who fits them.

Having similar lifestyles and habits helps happiness in a relationship.

The non-negotiables in a couple lead the way

We encourage you to take your time to identify your non-negotiables. In addition to being able to be clearer with the other, the process will help you get to know yourself better and know what you are looking for, want and need in a partner; In addition, you will have a clear reference to be selective, and not link yourself to anyone for whom you feel a certain attraction or affinity.

Your non-negotiables will help you, if you keep them in mind, not to consent to forms of relationships that you don’t really want.. And they will also bring you closer to a fuller and more satisfying union, both for you and for the other party. Therefore, always keep them in mind and, when you see that they are not being covered, make the appropriate decisions without fear.

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