My partner talks to his ex secretly: what can I do?

“My partner talks to his ex secretly. When I ask him, he denies it, but I know that they keep in touch frequently by cell phone. What I can do?”. This may seem like a minor problem to us, but the truth is that it is the subject of concern and high anxiety on the part of many people.

It is, above all, in those cases in which it seems that certain relationships are idealized when they have already ended. Suddenly, There are those who live firsthand what is known as Rebecca’s syndrome.. That is, feeling jealous of the loved one’s ex-partner, who, despite not being present, becomes that elongated figure that invades everything.

The truth is that there is an obvious fact. Maintaining contact with those who had an emotional relationship is not something exceptional.. It happens when that ending was decided amicably. And it also occurs when even though the breakup was inevitable and necessary, certain feelings continue to exist.

They are complex and very diverse situations that are worth delving into.

Reasons why my partner talks to his ex secretly

It is not strange or unusual to keep the number of our ex-partners. Nor is it important to continue having them on our social networks and be aware of their lives and updates. Although on certain occasions the latter may not be healthy or advisable.

You may be wondering if it is common to continue talking to ex-partners, since it seems to be more common than we think. Research work, such as those carried out at the University of New Hampshire, indicates something illustrative. Among the university population, close to 40% maintain contact with their previous emotional relationships. The number is high.

Most regained contact between one and two months after the breakup. The reason? There are several. So, in case we find ourselves in this same situation and wonder why my partner talks to his ex secretly, there are explanations that are worth understanding.

Shorter relationships correlate with more subsequent contact

Something that could be seen in this study is that those couples who had maintained a stronger, more committed relationship were less likely to maintain subsequent contact. In these cases, there is a greater need to turn the page.

However, those couples who had been together for a few months, for example, were more likely to continue exchanging messages and calls. In many cases, one or both of them had the feeling that there was still a certain spark, a certain complicity, or that their story had changed, but it was not over.

There are still latent feelings

When you ask yourself “why does my partner talk to his ex secretly?”, you may think that the reason is that there may still be feelings.

That’s how it is. There are many times that new relationships begin without having closed previous stages well. Emotions that are too lively and intense, false hopes or real hopes are dragged along… Even the impulse to talk or contact the former partner several times a day.

The current relationship is not going well and the ex-partner is being sought

When things are not going well in a relationship, Many people look for a person in their environment with whom they trust to share what is happening and how they feel.. In some cases, that person is the ex-partner.

They share difficulties, the problems experienced in a strange attempt to find that company in a complicity that has not been broken. Furthermore, current difficulties may suggest the idea that past times were better. Memories sifted by the intelligence of our memory, which tends to preserve the good and forget the bad.

The friendship that we don’t quite understand

It is possible that love ends and that what remains between two people is a friendship. In this way, there are those who do not quite believe it and distrust the person who maintains an emotional bond with someone who is still in contact with their ex. Especially because this contact usually follows very special guidelines and usually uses a language of trust first.

In this sense, it may not be easy or comfortable to see the couple sharing conversations and time with the person who not long ago occupied their role.

However, In many cases the couple who has broken up their relationship has no intention of returning, just to maintain the relationship with a person they know they can trust. A certainty that is very difficult to achieve if we take into account that we live in a world governed by appearance.

What can we do in these situations?

Research work such as those carried out at the University of Nebraska (United States) points out something important. The dissolution of a relationship is not something simple. There are many who keep in touch, often clinging to a possible reconciliation.

However, the evidence tells us that providing appropriate closure and turning the page allows us to move forward with greater integrity. It also helps us to later build new relationships without that emotional echo of yesterday. Now, what happens if my partner talks to his ex secretly?

Well, it’s time to start a conversation. Before we start reproaching, getting defensive or walking away, we can encourage our partner to explain to us what exactly the situation is. Once the cards are on the table, we can ask ourselves if this definition hurts or hurts us and take action about it.

Assertive, sincere and mature communication is the key in these contexts. Once these requirements have been met, if for us this relationship is an insurmountable obstacle, we have every right to raise it. We are talking about complex emotional realities that must be addressed as soon as possible.

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