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Our partner may stress us out because he or she is going through a difficult time on a personal level. Although it is also possible that, due to his personality, we are clashing too much. What can we do in these circumstances?
“My partner stresses me out. “He has been in a very bad mood for a while, he gets angry at almost everything, he barely rests and only focuses on the things I do wrong.”. There are many people who feel trapped in this emotional spiral when they see how their loved one harasses them, pressures them or “infects” them with their negative emotions at any given moment.
As a rule, if there is something we would like, it is for our relationship to not pose such demanding challenges. Idyllic scenarios only exist in the minds of those who still do not know what coexistence is. Living together is understanding that people are complex and that there will always be internal and external factors that test that bond.
Without a doubt, the most common is stress. We all deal with more or less complicated times in which we cannot give the best of ourselves to that relationship. Worries, psychological distress, pressure or uncertainty can make us difficult to bear.
Stressing each other is something very recurrent. What can we do in these circumstances? We analyze it.
When your stress or your way of being stresses me out
Stress can be enhanced in a relationship in many ways.. Usually it happens little by little, like a fog that eventually opaques everything. When one or both members of an emotional bond are subject to a mental state of these characteristics, the first thing that appears is emotional coldness. Pleasurable activities are reduced and positive emotions are extinguished.
Our partner can stress us out because of the way they are or because they are dealing with a personal problem.. In this way, when this psychological state appears and is maintained over time, many things happen in our brain. Cognitive resources are exhausted, we stop thinking clearly, we become hypervigilant, irritable, communication and empathy fail…
Everything bothers, everything worries… In this mental scenario, it is very difficult to take care of affection, be receptive, loving. or be emotionally available for each other.
Research work, such as those carried out at the University of Florida, highlights something important. Stress, and any stressful effect – external or internal – can be a breaking point in certain cases. It all depends on how those situations are handled.
When your partner stresses you out, this is what can happen
In general, when one feels that “my partner stresses me out” it is very common to experience the following realities:
Feeling uneasiness and discomfort when you see that the other person does not take your needs into account.Feeling that the other person only prioritizes your concerns.Anxiety when you have your partner by your side. You feel hypersensitive and fear that at any moment he will bring up criticism or something that you have done wrong in his opinion. You feel alone.You tend to analyze each of their words and behaviors. That overanalysis when trying to understand why he does what he does exhausts you. Perceiving that you no longer spend any quality time together.Angers and arguments arise more and more frequently.Your own and other people’s stress wears you down emotionally and physically.
Stress is a psychophysiological state with great emotional impact. It is common that you end up “infecting” it to each other, leading to very exhausting situations.
What to do when your partner stresses you out?
“When my partner stresses me out, I feel vulnerable and alone. His mere presence puts me on the defensive.” This perception is very recurrent among those who experience this situation. It is a priority in all cases to implement a series of strategies to address this problem.
Define the origin of that feeling of stress: what is the problem?
When a problem arises in a relationship, the first thing we do is look for blame. And generally, we attribute them to the other. This is not a good strategy. It is advisable to carry out an act of self-reflection:
What specifically stresses me out about my partner? –> The way of communicating, the attitude towards problems, certain behaviors, the way he treats me, etc. Is there any external factor that mediates this situation? (financial problems, personal problems, etc.) Is my partner going through any stressful situation on a personal level? Have I talked to him/her about what is happening?
As explained to us in a study from the University of Georgia, Communication is key to satisfaction in a relationship.
If your partner stresses you out, you need to talk about it to understand the origin of the situation. Regardless of whether this stress is due to the clash of your personalities or external factors, it needs to be addressed.
Stop reacting to act: what can we do?
Stress appears when we feel that we lack the resources to face a situation. If your partner is stressing you out, there is something you cannot handle in your relationship, and as such it must be addressed. You must act and stop reacting to that situation in a negative way, placing blame.
If the origin of this stress is due to a clash of personalities, it is time to treat that situation.. What should my partner do/change to improve coexistence? What should I also do to optimize harmony? In the event that there is an external factor that increases your partner’s stress and that affects you, it must also be solved. Supporting others and developing strategies together to handle the situation can help.
Increasing positive experiences over negative ones: what if we reframe this situation?
When we are immersed in an atmosphere of stress, negative experiences happen. Even more, the physical cost is also noticeable: rest is worse, there is greater physical tension. If your partner stresses you out, it’s time to start new behaviors, to give each other quality time together.
Communication, promoting changes that improve coexistence, supporting each other and breaking the routine to enjoy are fundamental aspects. For example: do something fun together, surprise each other, plan a getaway…
Increasing positive experiences cushions the feeling of stress and intensifies the bond. Let’s keep it in mind.
You might be interested…
All cited sources were reviewed in depth by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, validity and validity. The bibliography in this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
Lavner, J. A., Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (2016). Does Couples’ Communication Predict Marital Satisfaction, or Does Marital Satisfaction Predict Communication?. Journal of marriage and the family, 78(3), 680–694. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12301 Neff, L.A., & Karney, B.R. (2004). How does context affect intimate relationships? Linking external stress and cognitive processes within marriage. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 30(2), 134-148.
Randall, A.K., & Bodenmann, G. (2009). The role of stress on close relationships and marital satisfaction. Clinical psychology review, 29(2), 105-115.
Randall, A.K., & Bodenmann, G. (2017). Stress and its associations with relationship satisfaction. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 96-106.
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