My partner is very selfish: what to do?

Are you with a selfish partner and don’t know what to do? The first step will be to try to understand well what you are feeling and identify those behaviors that have set off the alarm. If your partner is really selfish, you should consider a change. As?

To help you manage this situation, we bring you 4 key ideas on how to act if we feel that our partner is selfish and we do not like their attitudes or behaviors. Through them, perhaps you will find a little light on your problem and understand how you got here and why. Besides, This can become an experience to get to know yourself a little better (and to decide what you really want for yourself)..

My partner is very selfish: what to do?

Do you have a selfish partner? We propose 4 key ideas that are intended to guide and accompany, although each person must find their own path. These little tips They will allow you to analyze the situation, understand it, connect with what you feel, clear up doubts and decide what you really want to do..

Analyze behaviors

You feel like you’re with a selfish partner, okay… but have you really analyzed their behaviors or are you influenced by your mood, your life situation or other variables? Here it does not make sense to talk about guilt, but about responsibility; no one is to blame for anything, You simply have to see if your partner’s way of being (objectively) is what you want in a partner..

You think about all those details or attitudes that make you believe that your partner is selfish. Try to understand what kind of selfishness is behind them (and why it occurs, in what contexts it occurs, if it is reciprocal…) and if it is really there, don’t give it any more thought and talk to your partner. It is not about transforming yourself into Sherlock Holmes, but about situating yourself and understanding reality.

Talk with her

You have detected a series of selfish behaviors in your partner; They may be recent behaviors or they may have been occurring for a long time. Anyways, The best thing you can do is talk to her..

Raise your concerns, express your discomfort; In short, tell him what you think and how you feel. In any case, it is important to note here that you are not going to change your partner. People do not change (in any case, that is a process that they must do themselves); So, keep in mind that talking to her will allow you to vent, understand her reasons and clarify any doubts that may have arisen.

But once you talk about it with him/her, you will have to decide whether to continue (if it is something specific) or reconsider the relationship. (if it is something that is part of your personality and that you do not want to change). The important thing is that you think about what you want for your life, and what kind of person you want by your side.

Use empathy

Try to understand why your partner is acting this way. Is it really because of selfishness or is it for other reasons? Understanding your partner can be the first step to discovering what you can do and how to feel (and feel) better.

Also, know your reality (why you act that way or what makes those behaviors persist) It will help you decide, with full knowledge of the facts, if there really is any possibility of fixing the relationship. or if it is better to end it. You can reflect on it.

It is important to mention here that in extreme cases (for example, abuse), the priority will be to get to safety. The effort to understand the possible traumas that may be contributing to our partner acting this way. That is, in these situations, understanding their behavior will be the least important thing (we come first!).

look inside

If you are truly with a selfish partner, it may be time to look inside yourself. and to understand what you are doing and why. The reality is that a healthy relationship is one in which love makes you great, it does not diminish you. If this is not your case, why are you still in this relationship?

Before changing the other person, think that changing yourself is the first step towards self-knowledge. and self-love. In line with what has been mentioned, we leave you an interesting reflection from Cristina Lago:

The selfish couple: can they change?

Can people really change? Can my partner change if he is selfish? According to psychologist Luis Muiño, we can smooth small aspects of the personality, but not its central structure. That is, we are as we are and we evolve with life, it is clear, but our personality is quite stable; This does not mean that we cannot change small habits and attitudes.

But if your partner really is selfish, he will surely have always been selfish with you (or perhaps not the first few months, which is what we do when we try to conquer or please); and in these cases, it is very difficult for it to change. On the other hand, even if it could change, think about it… It is very likely that his selfishness (and not love) is what led him to establish a specific relationship. (i.e. with you). Therefore, it is likely that for true change it will be necessary to abandon that relationship that began from lack and not from a healthy choice to love.

Finally, we leave you with a curious fact about selfishness: did you know that, according to a study published in the Journal of personality and Social Psychology, Selfish people earn less money than altruistic people? The authors of the study, developed at Stockholm University, analyzed data from 60,000 people in the US and Europe.

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