My partner has left me several times and then comes back: why is that?

“My partner has left me several times and then comes back, we have broken up so many times that I no longer know if what we have is worth it…” There are many people who find themselves in this same situation, in those back-and-forth bubblegum relationships, today I don’t love you and tomorrow I need you. They are realities of high psychological exhaustion that not everyone knows how to handle.

The first thing that comes to mind when faced with this type of relationship is that the best thing would be to break it off. After all, what already shows cracks is destined sooner or later to fall apart by itself. Nevertheless, There is a problem and it is none other than emotional attachmentthat emotional glue that prevents us from building happy and mature relationships.

Thus, and as striking as it may seem to us, these dynamics occur on multiple occasions. They are highly pathological experiences that we should not favor for our well-being and psychological balance.. We analyze it.

My partner has left me several times and then comes back, why does he do it?

Finish and start again. Break up the relationship and after two, three weeks or a month, your ex-partner sends you a message again or knocks on the door to ask for forgiveness and, at the same time, demand a new opportunity. A part of you knows you shouldn’t do it, but love is blind, very naive affection and sometimes too powerful immaturity. With which you restart once again, something that you should have concluded.

Now, if a person says that “my partner has left me several times and then comes back”, The problem as such is not only in those who break up and then make their way back.. Anyone who gives in to that dynamic over and over again also shows a problem that should be addressed. And the key, as we have pointed out, is emotional dependence. Let’s dig a little deeper.

Codependency and emotional immaturity

There are couples who end their relationship after a specific argument. Tempers flare, reproaches are thrown, pride swells and it doesn’t take long for the classic “well, we’ll leave it” to appear. Now, after a few days or a few weeks, the anger fades and the notification appears on the cell phone saying “I need you.”

Maturity in relationships does not come with age, it is not a program that is installed automatically once you reach 30. Poor management of emotions, Codependency, low self-esteem and confusing loving with needing completely dilute competence in emotional matters.

Communication problems

For its part, the absence of effective communication represents one of the main causes of breakup. In these cases, the couple is not capable of engaging in honest, respectful and understanding dialogues when resolving conflicts.

Instead, They allow themselves to be controlled by emotions and, in many cases, resort to aggressive communication, distancing or hints. In the long run, these actions lead to a breakup. But, after a few days and when the emotions calm down, they realize that they could have resolved the conflict through effective dialogue. History that repeats itself every time there is a conflict.

Unbreakable relationships: neither with you nor without you

The Intercontinental University of Mexico carried out an interesting work in 2005, titled Neither with you nor without you: the unbreakable couple. This study defined a very common type of emotional bond: that of unbreakable relationships. Profile the personality of those They are incapable of staying together, but at the same time they do not even feel strong enough to permanently break the relationship.

This dynamic configures a vicious circle in which hate and love, frustration and suffering, attachment and rejection feed off each other. When these people are together they are aware that coexistence is unbearable, however, when they are separated they feel empty without each other.

My partner has left me several times and then comes back (fear of loneliness)

The fear of loneliness turns us into beggars of affection, slaves of bad love.. In this way, if someone comments that ““My partner has left me several times and then comes back.” It is appropriate for both to ask themselves what causes the breakup and what explains the return. In many cases, separation occurs because coexistence is impossible. Also, because the affection is no longer the same.

However, in many cases this return to the relationship is driven by fear. What am I going to do alone? What will become of me without anyone by my side?

Fear of change

Likewise, fear of change can be another cause of on-and-off relationships. In these cases, Changing routines, goals, and even housing can generate a lot of anxiety.. Therefore, instead of facing all that, they prefer to continue maintaining the relationship at all costs.

Excess guilt

Feelings of guilt also tend to motivate constant reconciliations. In these cases, The couple decides to try one more time to repair what they believe they have done wrong.. For example, it is quite common that after infidelity, the couple decides to return to repair the damage caused. Instead of doing it because they really love each other and want to be together.

Hope that things will change

The constant reconciliations may also be due to the feeling that, this time, they can do things differently. So, if you both share this same feeling, second, third and fourth chances appear.

In general, This hope for change is illusory and is motivated by emotional dependence.

What can I do if I am in an on-again, off-again relationship?

There are second parts that are worth it. Obviously, there may be relationships that we left behind and that later, due to whatever circumstances, it is appropriate to invest in them to repair them, to try in a more mature, committed and courageous way.

Now, if a person has left the other person several times and then returns, we are faced with another reality. Those comings and goings, those bubblegum relationships that stretch and later return, only generate suffering.

What’s more, we must be aware of something important. The problem is not only with those who leave and then return. Also, those who give in and allow the return must reflect on why they do so. It is worth keeping in mind some reflections in this regard.

Aspects that we must consider

Just being left once is enough to rethink that relationship.. Therefore, if we offer a new opportunity and another breakup occurs again, it is our obligation to understand that it is not good to waste our own dignity with someone who does not respect us.Back and forth love is doomed to suffering. We must understand that affection is not everything to build a bond as a couple. It is not enough to love a lot, you have to love well and that is not something that everyone knows how to do. Likewise, it is good to remember one detail. Dependency distorts love, it turns us into slaves of pathological emotional dynamics. We tolerate the intolerable and break down our own self-esteem fragment by fragment.

Actions to take

Likewise, if your relationship comes and goes, the ideal is that:

Identify the dynamics of the relationship and your feelings about it. Each couple is a world, so each one must be analyzed in a particular way. In this case, find out what the reasons for your partner’s coming and going are, recognize how it makes you feel and ask yourself what the best alternative is for the case.You wonder what are the reasons that lead you to try again?and. It is also important that you be clear about why you keep returning to your partner (emotional dependence? Fear of being alone? low self-esteem?…). This will help you get to know yourself better, attack the root problem and prevent the situation from continuing to perpetuate itself.Analyze the context. Why is your on-off relationship bothering you now and not before? What is different this time?You know yourself. Identify what aspects of your personality lead you to connect with these types of relationships and what you can do to overcome them. To the extent that we identify the reasons that keep us suffering, we will change aspects that constitute us to be better.Go to therapy. Since it is one of the best alternatives to know ourselves and improve our personal relationships. Many of the factors that keep us anchored in this type of relationship are unconscious and sometimes we require the assistance of a professional to discover them.

To conclude, we emphasize that Back-and-forth relationships take us nowhere, they only cling to unhappiness. So it is time to take action on the matter and pursue our well-being.

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