My partner “doesn’t help me” at home: we both collaborate

“My partner helps me with household chores”. We all continue to hear, to our despair, this phrase, this rusty expression where a gender categorization is implicit that needs to be reformulated. In a house, no one should help anyone, because what exists is a common responsibility, a team effort.

In our society, despite the progress, the change in mentality and every small achievement achieved in terms of gender equality, The roots of the patriarchal model continue to be perceived. It is that shadow still hidden in many minds or in the inertia of a language, where the idea is still present that the man provides resources, and the woman manages a home and children.

Today, thinking that responsibility for household chores and raising children is the exclusive responsibility of women is outdated, a vestige of a past that no longer holds up – or at least, should not. . However, Nor should we defend at all costs an equitable 50/50 distribution.

We have to keep in mind that each couple is a world, Each house has its dynamics and it is its own members who establish the distribution and responsibilities based on availability. Factors such as work undoubtedly determine these agreements, which must be managed in an equitable, complicit and respectful manner.

We suggest you reflect on it with us.

Times have changed (a little, at least)

Times have changed, now we are different, we are new, braver and with many more challenges than our grandfathers and grandmothers. At least, that’s how we want to believe it and that’s why we fight. However, there are still large suspension bridges to cross. Matters such as the wage gap or equal opportunities are factors that still have the stigma of gender. Complex struggles that women continue to fight.

Nevertheless, When it comes to the responsibility of a house, household chores and childcare, progress in terms of equality is appreciable.. It is clear that each person will have their personal experience, and that in each country, each city and in each home, particular realities are experienced that condition our vision on the subject.

In fact, the Reuters agency published an interesting study a few years ago that was headed with a striking headline: Having a partner means 7 more hours of work a week for women. With this phrase it was stated that inequality in household chores is still evident. However, it is far from the data obtained from 1976 where the difference was 26 hours per week.

While a few decades ago women fully assumed their role as housewives, Nowadays, his figure has crossed the line from the private sphere to those public spheres previously inhabited exclusively by man.. However, sharing the same spaces does not always imply equal opportunities or equity in rights.

Sometimes, many women assume responsibility for both spheres. To their professional work is added all the responsibility of a home and raising children. Although it is true that in terms of domestic tasks, the role of men in many cases is full and equal, the same is not true when it comes to refers to the care of dependent people. Today, Caring for the elderly or children with disabilities falls almost exclusively on women.You might be interested…

Housework and daily agreements

Housework is not anyone’s property, in fact they are totally interchangeable.. Neither ironing is mom’s thing nor fixing the sink is dad’s job. Maintaining a house, whether in the economic part or in the domestic part of care and maintenance, is a matter for those who live under that roof, regardless of their sex.

The curious thing about all this is that at this point we continue hearing the common phrase of “My husband helps me at home” either “I help my girlfriend wash the dishes”. Perhaps, as we say, it is simple inertia and that iron patriarchal scheme integrated into our minds where every task is sexualized in pink and blue does not really exist.

Daily agreements and balanced distribution are what bring harmony to that domestic routine where it is so easy to fall into reproach.. In it “It’s just that you don’t do anything” or “it’s just that when I arrive I’m tired.” Agreements should not be agreed by simple equity or gender role but by logic and common sense.

If my partner works all day and I am unemployed or have freely chosen to stay home to raise my children, I cannot require him to make me dinner and hang my clothes. Likewise, caring for a child is not a matter for just one person. The mother is not obliged to be a “supermom.” A child is the responsibility of those who have chosen to have itand even more, we must serve as a model, demonstrating, for example, that the kitchen is no one’s fiefdom.

That Making the bed, taking care of our dog and taking care of a house is not helping mom or dad, it is everyone’s responsibility.

Any ideas

Every home is different. A couple without babies will have less housework than one with babies. A couple that does not work will have more time than one that does. Therefore, in each home the distribution of time should be applied as is convenient for both.

First of all, it wouldn’t be bad to make a list of things we like to do and another of things we don’t like. If one of you likes to cook and the other prefers to clean, there is no more discussion. Many couples divide household chores according to their tastes, “I do this and you do that” and they are both so happy. The bad thing is when one of the two (or both) doesn’t like doing anything or doesn’t want to do anything. In that case you will have to get your act together and the best idea will be organize a weekly task schedule in which tasks are exchanged.

None of the household chores correspond by nature to either sex.So, in that sense the discussion is settled. We must not forget that sometimes one of us works and the other stays at home. In this case, the distribution does not have to be equitable. If the person working is out for 8 hours, the other person will have more time to do a few more things.

The important thing in the distribution of tasks, on the one hand, is to know that both sexes are perfectly capable of doing any task. And on the other hand, it should be done with common sense, depending on the time and availability of each person.

You might be interested…