My partner does not accept my children: what to do

Finding a partner after a breakup in which you have formed a family unit, including offspring, can be a breath of hope. However, this can be turned off if your new partner does not accept your children. What to do at that moment?

Having children, especially when they are small, with a previous partner, is not usually a variable that increases our chances of finding a partner. Rather, it is a factor that makes it more difficult. The new person who comes in not only has to know you, but also your children, and accept them.

If you find yourself in this situation, you are probably in conflict, because, due to this circumstance, you do not see continuity with a person you would like to continue getting to know. What we intend with this article is to help you organize your ideas and manage the situation, so don’t miss it.

My partner ignores my children

Why can’t your partner accept your child?

Entering a relationship with someone who already has children is a unique and difficult situation. Let’s look at some of the reasons why your partner cannot accept your child.

He is not ready to be a father. He doesn’t want to share you.He doesn’t know how to be around your children. You need some time to get to know them. He doesn’t want to get attached.It is difficult for him to have a relationship with them.He doesn’t feel accepted by your children. He doesn’t feel any responsibility towards them.You have unrealistic expectations of them.He feels like a stranger.

If your partner does not have children of their own and is unaware of what a lifestyle with young children is like, it may be difficult for them to adjust at first. . The point is to adapt to a new lifestyle and establish new priorities. However, your partner may have no intention of adapting. Children may even get in the way. What happens then? What can you do?

How to act when your partner does not accept your children

Surely you have noticed the signs: Your partner ignores your children, resists coming to your house, their interaction is tense, they get upset when you give them priority, etc. While these signals may be very subtle off paper, you will eventually notice them at some point.

If you let this situation continue, without resolving it, it will surely compromise future plans. that you have with that partner. Not to mention the consequences for your children: having to share your attention with another person who rejects them, and even living with them at some point.

That is why it is important that this part of the horizon is clear: first, for your children, and then to adjust your relationship to the ones you both really want. Here are some strategies to achieve it.

1. Talk to your partner

If your partner has not directly told you about his or her discomfort regarding your children, take the initiative and open the conversation. The discomfort may be the result of not knowing them well, having experienced an unpleasant moment with them, or simply because they are not in your life priorities.

Although it is respectable that someone does not like children – or your children specifically -, Your partner must understand that giving up on them is not an option. Whether or not to accept it is his decision, but he must put his priorities in order and let you know.

2. Talk to your children

It is also a difficult situation for your children, especially if they are small.. After going through the divorce process, staying with only one of your parents and having a third person appear may not exactly favor the relationship they have with you.

Your children also have to be able to express themselves. Listen to how they feel and take steps so that they can adapt to the new situation easily.

Sometimes, it is the children who reject your new partner because they may feel that, by accepting them, they are giving up that imaginary future of reconciliation between their parents or that, at the very least, they are betraying the other parent. Maybe you need to work with the little ones before your partner.

If they are older, you will be able to work at a more complex cognitive level. Explain to them what it means to you to have found someone special and that you will never neglect them or stop loving them because of it. Your love happiness is not incompatible with your children.

3. Before ending the relationship, you can always try to make the relationship better

It is possible that rejection is the result of fear and ignorance, or simply that your children and your partner have not gotten off to a good start. If you notice that the problem is in the mere interaction and not in something deeper, You can try to create situations in which both parties can relate positively.

Outings to the countryside, going to an amusement park, organizing meals… There are many ways to create a good atmosphere. Take advantage of the fact that you know both parties to create circumstances in which they can meet.

4. Make a decision

If the conversations or actions you have taken are not working, it is time to make a decision. It is not strictly necessary that you break up with your partner, but you do need to rethink the future plans you have with that person.

In these times, when relationships are flexible, you may find a point where you can enjoy the time you spend with your partner without it being detrimental to either party. You will need, however, a lot of organizational skills and an open mind, both your children and you and your partner.

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