My child is afraid of other children: what do I do?

My child is afraid of other children: what can I do? Are you in this situation and you don’t really know how to act? In these cases, the first thing you can do is try to identify the cause that explains said fear.

Specific phobias They usually appear as a result of a traumatic event related to the phobic object. (in this case, other children), or for other very diverse reasons. It is important to take this into account and check if there was, in your child’s life, an event of this type. A child psychologist can help you in these cases.

On the other hand, childhood fears are quite common, and many of them are evolutionary (therefore, they disappear spontaneously with the child’s own development). However, there are always things we can do to accompany our little one.

My child is afraid of other children: what do I do?

If this thought “my child is afraid of other children” distresses you and you want to start doing something for your child, below we share some key ideas to get you started to what happens to him. Of course, we recommend going to a professional if the symptoms truly interfere with your functioning and well-being.

Try to set rhythms that are not very demanding

Pressuring him to get closer or play with other children It’s the last thing you should do, and especially at the beginning. It is okay to expose yourself to the situation, yes, but in a progressive and natural way, taking into account what we treat as an obligation. Therefore, it is important that you validate their emotions and accompany them without judging them. Try to find out what is behind that fear.

Identify the causes of that fear

This type of fear arises for different reasons. Therefore, it is important to understand them. Talk to him, observe him, hypothesize about what is happening to him… Has it always happened to him? Has there been any triggering factor for this fear? Does it occur in all contexts or only with strangers?

To understand the causes of this fear, many times it will be advisable to ask for professional help, in this case from a child psychologist. Once the origin and causes have been identified, it will be essential to work on them (depending on the reason, there are certain treatments or others).

Let him know that you are still there

When facing the feared situation, your child should do so progressively and, above all, knowing that you are close. For example, if you go with him to the park and you notice that he is distressed when other children approach him, remind him that you are there. That he can access you at any time and that he is not alone. Over time, you will be able to withdraw from the situation, allowing him to begin to face it alone..

Let them approach him slowly and without invading

Try, as far as possible, to get the other children closer to him progressively. That the approach to the interaction is not invasive, because that will only increase that fear.

If necessary, talk to the other children and explain that it is better let them approach without shouting, getting at their level (trying to get your child to see them as equals). Another idea that you can keep in mind, especially if your child is very young, is for children to approach him by offering him a toy, for example. But never approach him by hugging him directly, for example, but rather gradually.

Progressive zooms (exposure)

For specific phobias, such as fear of other children, the most validated therapy to date is exposure therapy. Through it, the subject progressively gets closer to the feared situations, so that they are increasingly able to “endure” them without anxiety.

The idea is that little by little the child disassociate (the association weakens) the feared stimulus (in this case, the other children) with the fear response and anxiety. This technique also helps the child understand that his fear is disproportionate, since in this situation the danger is minimal.

Give him his time

Even if you apply the exposure, it will be important that you give your child time. Above all, if this fear arose as a result of a traumatic experience with other children (in these cases, it is best to go to therapy).

Be patient; Give your child the chance to observe and decide when he wants to get closer or not the others. It is one thing for us to give him “the push”, but never forcing him but rather respecting his rhythm.

We have seen some ideas that we can carry out to help our child if he is afraid of other children. We insist, The key is to understand where that fear comes from. and, above all, adapt to the age of the child.

Sometimes it is a fear that will arise due to the child’s own development, or because of his insecure temperament, which makes me afraid of this situation and others like it. But it’s not always like this.

If, for example, it arises from a traumatic event with other children, such as an experience of bullying, it is important not to force it. Dialogue with him, validate his emotions and make him understand that we are there. But, above all, ask for professional help.

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