Missing someone who doesn’t even think about you

Have you broken up with someone you loved and can’t stop thinking about that person? Are you frustrated by the idea that said figure doesn’t even remember you? We give you keys to handle this situation.

You know that missing someone who doesn’t even think about you is like an emotional misspelling.. You are aware that longing for a reunion or reconciliation is a big mistake. Also, such ideas only intensify suffering. But still, you can’t help it. You long for the past and the days when that special person occupied your present.

It is true that currently there is still no drug capable of extinguishing nostalgia and erasing the pain of an absence. However, accepting the end of a relationship—whether as a couple or friendship—is a must-learn on the journey of your life. Miss who you wanted is normal, but we assure you that, with appropriate strategies, you will be able to close that stage.

Below, we offer you some basic tools for this purpose.

“And there are also many who get stuck forever on these reefs and remain painfully attached to a past without return all their lives, to the dream of paradise lost, the worst and most murderous of dreams.”

~ Herman Hesse (Demian) ~

Missing someone who doesn’t even think about you has a solution

Missing is an emotional experience that usually involves high psychological suffering. What you feel at this moment is part of the mourning that human beings carry out to accept the end of a relationship.. Now, it is true that, in this case, another component is added: you long for someone who has already turned the page. And, in effect, the latter increases the discomfort.

You will be interested to know, first of all, that the brain processes these experiences adversely. Breaking a relationship is a stressful event because it breaks your stability.. Suddenly your world falls apart and you don’t know what to hold on to.

Likewise, works such as those published in Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience also clarify another aspect. A breakup alters your working memory and makes it difficult for you to pay attention to what you are doing.. Your mind is still stuck in that emotional wound that you don’t know how to manage. Below, we offer you some keys that will help you.

Understand what’s happening to you

This experience that you are going through now makes you captive of a complex labyrinth of difficult emotions. However, The psychophysical states that grip you the most are nostalgia, anguish and anger. You miss someone who is no longer with you and, at the same time, you are angry at the idea that this figure does not even remember you.

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This experience is a normal reaction of the brain to breakups; those in which cortisol further intensifies discomfort and stress. Research published in the Journal of International Society for the Investigation of Stress also tells us that Breaking up a relationship increases cognitive rumination processes. That is, you can’t stop thinking about what happened. Likewise, it is also common for depressive feelings to arise and for certain factors of your personality to make the suffering more intense.

Tips to stop thinking about someone

The good news is that there are tools to deal more effectively with these situations. We describe them below.

The “zero contact”

It’s true, we know that your gaze escapes again and again into the rearview mirror of your past. We understand that it is hard not to miss someone who, not long ago, was everything to you. But we assure you that with appropriate strategies, today’s pain will be transformed into acceptance and, to do so, you must apply the “zero contact” technique.

As Clinical Psychological Science informs us, having frequent contact with that person you have left increases psychological distress. Therefore, to avoid this, we suggest the following:

Don’t try to meet that person to have a conversation..Nor do you ask acquaintances to inform you about what that figure does. Delete that ex-partner or ex-friend from your mobile contacts.Delete it and block it on your social networks.Avoid finding out what’s going on in their life by seeing their posts.

Regulating your emotions to relieve homesickness

Missing someone who doesn’t even think about you is normal for a while.. However, that feeling should not be constantly installed in your psychological substrate. Otherwise, that poisoned combination of nostalgia and frustration can affect your quality of life.

To regulate this discomfort that accompanies you right now, these keys can help you:

Label. Correct emotional regulation begins by leaving space for what you feel without repressing it. Next, name each sensation and emotion you experience. Identify sadness, anguish, longing, anger, frustration… Understand that these states are normal.Unburden yourself. Each person handles their suffering differently. Therefore, when it comes to promoting emotional relief, there are those who find relief in tears, others by practicing sports and the majority by talking with people who know how to listen and support. Don’t hesitate to find that channel that allows you to release your pain.Relapses are normal. No grief over a loss or breakup is linear. Thus, this process defined by denial, anger, pain, negotiation, acceptance and restoration is usually altered. You can go, for example, from acceptance to anger again and for this to happen, it is normal. The decisive thing is to move forward little by little despite relapses.Self-pity. Your emotion regulation benefits when you treat yourself with kindness, respect, and empathy. Don’t blame yourself for anything, just accept the situation and take loving care of yourself.

Sometimes, what we know as “frozen or delayed grief” may appear. These are situations in which you cannot provide closure to an emotional breakup or loss. You keep missing that person and this prevents you from regaining control of your life. In these situations, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can help you.

Let go of resentment

We understand that missing a person who does not think about you hurts, frustrates and produces some resentment.. The idea that this figure has rebuilt his life more quickly than you generates a silent discomfort in you. We insist that the feelings you experience are within the normal range.

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However, it is necessary that you close that stage and take back the reins of your life. Keep in mind that many people, as PLOS ONE magazine points out, have a higher risk of developing a depressive disorder after a breakup. Thus, one of the components that you must also work on to avoid this is resentment.

We explain how.

Don’t look for blame for what happenedUnderstand that, sometimes, relationships fail. Accept that that person has their life.Strengthen your self-love: the most important thing is your well-being.Focus on the good moments you had with that person. Treasure them as something that will be part of your past.Turn off resentment by placing your gaze on the future.Put closure on that stage through some symbolic activity, for example saving something he gave you.

New projects to leave the past behind

It’s time to move forward and shape a new version of yourself. One that closes a stage to look to tomorrow with hope and renewed objectives. You will never forget the past, what you have experienced with that special figure; but it will hurt less every day. And you will do it because you will be able to alleviate the knot of nostalgia with motivating projects.

Don’t hesitate, if you want to stop missing someone who doesn’t even think about you open the doors to interesting people in your life. Allow them to bring you other perspectives, enrich you with their stimulating ideas and bring more intense colors to your present. Likewise, it will also be healing for you to set other goals to work on.

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What if I can’t stop missing that person?

Sometimes it happens. The situation may arise that you have not missed your ex-partner or a lost friendship for several months.. The lack of closure and realities such as frozen grief can explain these situations. They are experiences in which months pass and the emotional pain, far from dissipating, makes it difficult for you to regain control of your life.

If you are in this situation, share with someone close what is happening to you and request specialized help. The support of your environment is essential in these cases. In addition, Approaches such as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) are a very effective model for these situations.. Works published in Revista de Psicoterapia endorse its usefulness.

Missing someone who is not there, a vital lesson

Missing someone who has rebuilt his life while you still miss him is something as ironic as it is painful. It is also true that there are people who have disappeared from your daily life without you caring too much. Others, however, leave immense wounds with their absence. Interpersonal relationships are complex and constitute constant vital learning.

The most decisive thing in these cases is to prioritize your dignity and self-esteem.. Overcoming this breakup requires delicate mourning through which to accept the situation and calm the emotional pain. You won’t be able to erase everything that happened, but that’s good too. It is part of your existential baggage and makes up the person you are now. Someone who looks forward.