Men Who Don’t Want Commitment – ​​4 Main Reasons

Hello friends!

A dear reader suggested the theme: “men who don’t want commitment”. Everything we are going to talk about will be equally valid for “women who don’t want commitment”, because the behavior, in this matter, is independent of gender, although cultural factors can intervene so that women want more more serious relationships and men want quicker relationships (if that’s the case). what we might call relationships).

A definition for commitment

For the purposes of our text, let’s define commitment as a promise made. When someone commits, he promises something to someone. For example, I might commit to taking out the trash on a Sunday when the maid isn’t here.

This is an example of an assumed commitment, a promise made verbally that a behavior will be performed in the future (or in the present if it is Sunday). Evidently, it is a commitment of little importance compared to the commitment of an engagement or marriage (or common-law marriage).

But in the end – and anyone who wants to know more about the concept of promise can study the French philosopher Paul Ricoeuer – the definition is the same, both for a simple behavior like “I will call you” or a promise that involves a series of behaviors “I promise be faithful and love and respect you”.

So why don’t people want to commit? There are some likely reasons.

1) Lie and truth

Honesty and truth are personal values ​​that an individual uses or does not use. Psychologically, asserting an untruth – if it is not a serious character flaw – consists of realizing that telling the lie will be more advantageous than telling the truth.

Thus, a person says that he is looking for a serious relationship when he is not. Why do you say that? Because talking this way is felt to be more conducive to achieving your goals than saying you just want to spend the night and nothing else.

2) Fear of relationships

The second reason concerns being afraid of deeper relationships. Perhaps it comes from observing failed relationships in family or friends. Statistics that say that most couples end up separating after a few years help maintain the belief that a stable relationship is not worth it.

After all, why so much effort and so much sacrifice of one’s own desires to, in the end, end up just like that?

3) Personal trauma

No wonder people rhyme love with pain. Although a definition of love is very difficult, when it comes to loving relationships, when the couple falls in love everything becomes more intense. The longing, the desire to be close, the jealousy…

And as romantic as we may be, there’s no way we can’t help but see that the tendency is for a passionate relationship to end around 2, 3 years. In other words, it is more likely to finish than to continue.

So a person might not feel like making a commitment now because he was “traumatized” by the breakup or a previous difficult relationship.

A similar reason, which is relatively predictable, happens when someone has just ended a relationship (a few days or months ago) and, due to proximity, does not want to start a new one so quickly.

4) Values

Values ​​or beliefs are statements that guide hundreds of behaviors. Do you prefer, on a Saturday night, to go out or stay home? Better alone than in bad company? What’s better? Stay with a lot of people or have a special person to share moments of happiness with?

The way a subject really responds to these and other questions regarding his behavior towards interpersonal relationships will define his values ​​or beliefs at the time.

A “chicken” man, Don Juan, who wants to have all the women he can possibly be the father of the year the following year. Everything will depend on changing your values ​​and beliefs.

Conclusion

If you went through a loving disappointment it is a sign that you were deluded. The problem with commitments and promises is that they too can change.

Just as a Don Juan may become a faithful husband, a faithful and good husband may become a Don Juan. As a result, we reached a few conclusions:

– It is not always easy to see what is in front of us. Another person can deceive us both for what he says and for what he does, but more often than not, we end up being deceived due to our misperceptions.

If you want to date seriously, the problem will be finding someone who doesn’t want to date seriously. Yeah, if you two don’t want to date seriously, that’s not a problem, right? Suffering is born of frustrated desire.

Therefore, you need to evaluate what you really want and what the other person really wants.

– As a promise can be broken overnight, a simple and effective way to lessen current and future suffering is to take one day at a time. As our wonderful poet says: “May it be eternal…while it lasts”.

– And, unfortunately, there is no recipe or advice or tip that works for everyone. People are infinitely different from each other. As Jung wrote: “Shoes that fit one person are too small for another; There is no one recipe for life that fits all.”

However, I understand that this question of commitment is more expensive for women than for men due to factors that are linked to biology. Even with all our technological development in medicine, there is still an age limit (or recommended) for a woman to get pregnant, while for men this age limit does not exist.

It is clear that many do not want to have children, however, close to the age of 30 it is common for women to start thinking – or being charged – about motherhood, hence the question about men who do not want to commit.

Finally, another factor that also explains why a man does not want a relationship is homosexuality. Sexuality is not always open, many men manage to hide that they are gay. Some even fool themselves for years…

Therefore, like any and all interpersonal relationships, it is necessary to have self-awareness and emotional intelligence to recognize the other person as they are.

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