Masking: putting on a mask to fit in

Living in society has great advantages for us as a species. In fact, interaction with others is essential for maintaining our physical and psychological health. However, To fit in and be accepted by the group, we are forced to fit into the narrow mold of apparent “normality.”. Thus, those who differ from this in some sense are forced to use the maskinga strategy that can be very harmful.

Have you ever felt like you had to put on a mask, pretend to be someone you weren’t to fit into a social situation? Maybe when, while grieving, you had to smile and be much nicer than you felt like at work; or, perhaps, that time you made a list of suitable topics to talk about with people you just met. Somehow, Neurodivergent people have to perform this camouflage every day to fit into society. A phenomenon that we can follow, for example, in the series Love on the autism spectrum.

What is masking?

He masking It is a coping strategy that consists of adapting behavior to what is socially expected. It is a kind of social camouflage that people carry out to appear socially competent and conform to what is understood as normality. In this way, we hide the signs of divergence and force ourselves to act in a neurotypical way. We are talking about a custom that, in its right measure, can be very adaptive, but that can also limit us a lot when we end up completely dissolving our identity in the context.

We understand neurotypical as those people who have typical neurological development; That is, they think, feel and act as the majority of the population does. For his part, Neurodivergent people have a different understanding and interpretation of reality. Although their vision is as valid as that of the rest, it is common for them to suffer from misunderstanding and to be forced to “pretend” to avoid rejection.

How does it manifest?

To better understand what the maskingLet’s give some examples:

Force yourself to look in the eyes when talking. Modulate your voice to make the conversation more attractive and striking. Force gestures and facial expressions appropriate to the context that do not come naturally. Devote excessive effort to thinking about when you should speak, how to respect the turn to speak and what type of comments could be abrupt or disrespectful.

Who uses masking to fit in?

As we have mentioned, it is neurodivergent people who are most frequently forced to carry out this type of social camouflage. So, It is especially those who are within the autism spectrum who use the most masking. Women tend to put it into practice with greater frequency and expertise; They tend to be more capable of adapting their behavior and therefore tend to be underdiagnosed.

Besides, those who suffer from other types of psychological disorders, such as OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) or BPD (borderline personality disorder) also resort to masking. Even the general population can use this strategy in certain situations, especially those who have difficulties or lack social skills.

Consequences and associated problems

At first glance, the masking it may look very functional; and, in reality, it fulfills its adaptive function. Allows for greater social success and can even prevent different people from being bullied at school or at work. However, in the long term it can have serious consequences for mental health. For example:

Having to constantly be acting or pretending produces great psychological exhaustion. Therefore, after periods of social interaction, the person may feel exhausted, overwhelmed and need time alone to recharge energy. To camouflage oneself, one needs to focus all one’s energy on following certain pre-established guidelines: making eye contact, taking turns, choosing carefully. the words… All this can make it difficult for the person to really pay attention to the content of the conversation that is taking place. Therefore, the experience is not as deep or meaningful as it could be. When the masking It lasts daily and for a long time, can lead to anxious and depressive episodes and even dissociation. And the person is detached from their true thoughts, feelings and impulses by having to constantly direct and modify them. Finally, the biggest problem is that This strategy does not alleviate the individual’s discomfort. nor does it add anything to your particular experience. It only invalidates your vision of the world in order to adapt it to that of others.

Empathy and tolerance for diversity

The way to reverse this situation that many people are experiencing is, simply, to cultivate empathy. As a society we must open ourselves to diversity, to understand that there are different ways of interpreting the world and that they are all valid.

It is important that we learn to put ourselves in another person’s shoes and understand their perspective. so as not to force her to interact on our terms.

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