Manipulative parents: keys to recognizing them

Has your relationship with your father or mother always been tense and unsatisfactory, but you can’t recognize why? Do you frequently feel guilt within this bond? Do the actions, words and attitudes of your parents confuse you and do you feel that even as an adult they affect and limit you? So, you may have had the misfortune of growing up with manipulative parents.

Anyone can use emotional blackmail or lose their temper with another person at some point. However, manipulative parents deploy a wide variety of strategies aimed at undermining their children’s self-esteem and exerting control over them. And they do it with an almost constant frequency.

Dealing with manipulative people is always unpleasant and harmful. Nevertheless, When it is the parents who act in this way, the damage is much deeper and the consequences are longer lasting.. After all, they are the main reference figures and the main shapers of our personality. Therefore, knowing the signs of parental manipulation is very necessary.

Keys to recognizing manipulative parents

Your mood dominates the situation

Every family gathering revolves around the emotional state of this father or mother. When he is happy he is open, welcoming and friendly, but when his emotions are negative the whole atmosphere becomes tense and uncomfortable. Their emotions are unpredictable and their management of them is very inadequate.. For the same reason, others are subject to the conditions set by this person at all times.

They do not welcome the successes and joys of their children

It is difficult to conceive that a parent could not experience happiness from the successes or joys of their children. However, manipulative parents They may feel envy and resentment, be critical or cynical, and turn positive news into a source of guilt or shame..

A vacation, a job promotion, and even the birth of a child cease to be joyful and become tinged with negativity after passing through the manipulator’s filter.

They try to separate them from the people who love them.

It is to be expected that a father or mother will be happy that their children enjoy broad and healthy social relationships, that they interact with other people who love them.

Instead, A manipulative parent tends to criticize their children’s partners and friends, to belittle the value of the bond and highlight every negative aspect. This is just another way of trying to exert control.

They use affection as a means of manipulation

“If you loved me you would come see me every day.” “I don’t know how you can tell me this, with everything I have given for you.” Affection becomes the perfect tool of manipulation and control, but not only when it comes to generating guilt but also used in a positive way.

This way, Manipulative parents may use praise and gifts as a way to gain their children’s favor. even when they are harming them on the other hand with a lot of harmful attitudes.

Other keys to recognizing manipulative parents

The previous signs are the most common. Nevertheless, There is much other evidence that makes it clear when a parent is toxic and manipulative. Let’s give some examples:

Take a victim stance instead of assuming their failures and responsibilities.Your communication is not clear, hides his true motives and distorts reality in his favor. For example, a mother, after insisting and using guilt to get her children to accompany her somewhere, can categorically state that they went because they wanted to, that she never asked them to.Their approaches and actions are incoherent. For example, he may reproach his children for never taking their grandchildren to see him, but when they do come, he treats them badly or ignores them completely.

How to deal with manipulative parents?

The first step, and often the most complicated, is recognize and accept that our father or mother are manipulative.

There is a deeply rooted belief at the social level that a parent always wants the best for their children. This leads many people to think that the difficult situation with their parents comes from them. Additionally, handlers can show different faces depending on the context and even the day, which can create a lot of confusion.

However, once you recognize the context of manipulation in which you grew up, it becomes easier to identify and confront it. Setting limits is essential to not allow these attitudes to continue being perpetrated.. But, in addition, it may be necessary to go to a professional to work on the emotional consequences.

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