“Love is not for me”: 7 reasons why you feel this way

If there is something we are looking for, it is happy and lasting relationships. Who more or less dreams of finding that special person who satisfies their expectations, who becomes a life partner and that unique soul capable of being an ally and refuge at the same time. However, There are many who, at a certain point, say to themselves that “no, love is not for me” .

And they do it because they accumulate one disappointment after another. Because they process each breakup as a failure, as a disappointment, an emotional scam that leaves a dent and that they do not want to experience again. Disappointments in emotional matters are recurring, but there are many people who process them in a more complicated way.

Closing the doors to love is a choice like any other. Everyone is free to make the decisions they consider appropriate in their own future. However, It is always somewhat hopeless to deny yourself the opportunity to love. and to be loved. Because sometimes, in the least expected place and in the most unexpected situation, that person arises for whom it would be worth dropping the defenses and the barricades…

Closing the doors to love after a betrayal or disappointment is common.

Why are there people who say to themselves “love is not for me”?

We could say that in the universe of love there are different types of inhabitants. There are those who fall in love easily, those who are committed to finding that ideal and dreamed figure. And, on the other hand, there are many who simply do not expect anything, but do not close themselves to whatever comes. That is, they are those who do not search, but allow themselves to find.

If that special figure arrives, welcome. If not, one is limited to living one’s existence fully. On the other hand, It is increasingly common to encounter men and women who tell us “love is not for me.” They are personalities that drag behind them mental stories and narratives and pasts that well deserve analysis.

1. People who have been hurt and close the doors of their hearts

If we did a large-scale survey, there is something that would be evident. Almost 80% of people have suffered damage in one of their emotional relationships. The abandonments, the betrayals, the deceptions and even the ghosting They are frequent phenomena.

However, There are personalities who handle disappointments and damage suffered in a relationship in a more complex way. They carry with them frozen grief, wounds that close with the pain inside and that do not allow them to live. This causes them to be more susceptible and distrustful of love; to the point of not wanting to start any other relationship.

2. Childhood traumas: when yesterday determines present love

Having suffered abuse, lack of affection, abandonment or death of a parent are causes of many childhood traumas. And indeed, these experiences can determine subsequent relational dynamics. In this way, a study from the University of Quebec highlights the same thing.

The harmful and unaddressed effects of childhood interpersonal trauma affect couple functioning. So much so, that many people end up saying at one point “love is not for me.”

3. High expectations of what a couple should be like (the impossible ideal)

There are many who, despite not believing in Prince Charming or the storybook princess, They are waiting for someone exceptional. Someone who stimulates them intellectually, someone with whom to set goals in life, with whom everything is harmony and challenges, intimacy and laughter, trust and complicity without equal.

They are so clear about the person they want, that they idealize that figure and place it on such a high peak that no one fits into that perfect pattern…

4. Allergic to commitments

We all know someone who insists that “love is not for me,” but the truth is that there is a deeper reason. They don’t want to commit. They don’t like stable relationships, they don’t want forever, let’s live together and even less want to wake up every day with the same person.

Those allergic to serious commitments prefer removable relationships, to use and change; nothing that changes their lifestyle too much.

There are those who close the doors to love because their priorities are different and they value their independence more.

5. Carry excess fears

There are people who, like the titan Atlas, carry an indescribable weight on them. Although, in this case, said burden is not that of the world, but that of the sphere of fears. No relationship can be full and happy if the most varied fears are dragged along.

Fear of not being loved, of not being liked, of not being enough for the other, fear of being abandoned, of being hurt again, of having the mistakes of past relationships repeated… Loving requires courage and personal maturity. Without these dimensions, no relationship will be viable.

6. Unrequited love

It seems like the plot of a dinner party movie, but it happens more than we think. There are many who have only one person in the chamber of their hearts, someone who has rejected them on numerous occasions. The fact of not being able to be with who they want makes them not want to be with anyone else.

“Either you or no one” is a somewhat dramatic vision that causes more than one person to close the doors of love. This obsessive, and even tragic, attitude in which one idealizes someone one cannot have is also the origin of many sufferings.

7. Those who no longer have interest in love

It may seem like an anomaly and a paranormal phenomenon to us, but today it is common to find those who have no interest in this matter. The cause is not so much an excess of disappointments, but rather a change of interests. They are the ones who They value their independence much more, their own life plan (often improvised) without ties, than having a new relationship.

To conclude, each person is free to travel through the complex territory of love as they wish, in the way they see fit. In solitude or in company. However, let’s not underestimate the fact that, sometimes, it is worth letting go of the barricades and living a good love story; no matter how long it lasts…

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