Love in people with autism

The data may surprise you, but one of the most common questions on Google about autism spectrum disorder is whether they are capable of having a partner or getting married. Love in people with autism continues to fuel many myths, biased ideas and tremendous ignorance. Even today, there are many who continue to think that these people do not understand or speak the language of affection.

It’s a mistake. Something that families of people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) know well is that they appreciate and need daily affection. These teenagers and adults also get excited, they fall in love and experience passions and desires.

What’s more, something that those on the spectrum often point out is that, sometimes, they come to “feel excessively.” Their emotions overwhelm them and they don’t really know what to do in the middle of such a chaotic universe. Let’s delve into this very complex issue.

Misconceptions about love in people with autism

Love in people with autism responds to a need, which is the same as that of any human being: that of belonging.. It can be a group, a couple, a family, a type of life in general. Why shouldn’t a person with autistic disorder experience something like this?

If a part of the population believes it this way, it is essentially due to misinformation or continuing to give truth to obsolete information.. An example: one of the best-known authors in the study of autism and neurodevelopmental disorders is, without a doubt, Simon Baron-Cohen. This psychologist is known for work related to theory of mind either the autistic male brain.

It was throughout the 90s when many of his works became popular, such as Autism: a specific cognitive disorder of blindness of the mind (1990) . As a result of this work, a large part of the population assumed that all people with ASD were incapable of empathizing, of connecting with the environment, of capturing and understanding social signals.

The world of cinema and television also joins this, for whom, the term “autistic” adheres to the archetype of people with stereotypes and geniuses in some discipline. In reality, behind this word there is a great variety of ways of processing reality.

Love in people with autism, what is it like?

As has been said, autism is a neurotype, a spectrum where each person relates in a unique way to their environment, but in a different way from the bulk of the neurotypical population. From these characteristics, certain needs arise that must be understood and respected..

There are more serious cases where serious limitations in speech and language are manifested. In others we are faced with highly functional autism. Even with this, and beyond its limitations within a neurotypical world, Each and every one of them feels the need to be loved, to be cared for..

Empathy in the interpersonal relationships of autistic people

In relationships (and any other type), empathy is a fundamental pillar. However, or One of the most widespread ideas is that people with autism lack empathy.

Among the different dimensions of empathy, the authors found that many articles indicated that “state cognitive empathy and state empathic concern are impaired,” that is, that autistic people tend to have deficiencies when it comes to understanding why someone suffers, gets angry or is disappointed.

However, and here comes the nuance, their precision when it comes to empathizing is greater than that of neurotypicals in most cases. That is, with what they empathize with easily they will have a more stable, precise and intense response. This has great relevance when it comes to maintaining a relationship.

Other characteristics of love in people with autism

It is important to keep in mind that autism can present in very different ways and, therefore, The way of experiencing love can also be very different among people with ASD. Among the most common characteristics we find these:

Alexithymia: Some autistic people have difficulties interpreting their own emotional states and recognizing them in others. Because of this, their emotional expression may be imprecise or confusing for someone neurotypical.They usually have difficulties with changes: The need for the environment to be predictable is strong in the autism spectrum. Therefore, changes in routine are difficult for these people and must be carried out with patience and understanding.Your intuitive moral reasoning is different: In ethical dilemmas, where emotional valence, arousal, moral acceptability and permissibility are the factors to be taken into account when making a decision, autistic people differ in their responses from neurotypicals, as found in a work published in Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. Therefore, deep conversations and mutual understanding are necessary in this matter.Sexual desire and sexual satisfaction: Regarding sexuality, Autistic people present the same variability as neurotypicals. However, given the emotional component of sex, good prior communication is necessary for this activity to be pleasant for everyone.The avoidant attachment style is common: Living in a society configured for neurotypical people, it is normal for many autistic people to be avoidant in their relationships and have difficulty having a healthy relationship.

Understand me and I will understand you

Even with all the breadth of vision that has been acquired regarding autism, love is not easy for people on the spectrum. From the perspective of being the neurotypical partner of an autistic person, it is necessary to understand a series of processes:

The person with autism will not understand many of the relational codes that arise every day. The other person may need a hug after having a bad day or may be expecting a I love you before leaving home to work, for example. Many of these aspects may escape someone with ASD.Hence communication is essential: It is necessary to find a common place for both, where all the codes are understood by both parties and that the needs of both are covered. It is not about the autistic person adapting (and ending up doing masking) or that the neurotypical person acts as translator.Patience is necessary on both sides: After all, these are two different brains trying to speak a common language. This, of course, takes time and involves overcoming difficulties along the way.

To conclude, love in autistic people is real and tangible, even with its difficulties, its nuances and its enormous challenges. This is also an area where professionals can intervene to offer strategies, support and accompany the couple in this growth. where, without a doubt, many achieve happiness.

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