Loneliness, one of the most frequent sources of anxiety

Loneliness and anxiety are recurring themes. And they are because they correspond to two of the great evils of our time. More and more people feel alone and are not happy with this, but they also do not know how. avoid it; For them it is a problem, but they cannot find a way to solve it or live with it without it weighing them down. The number of people who experience anxiety in their daily lives is also growing. Frequently, both realities appear together.

On many occasions everything begins as a vague fear of loneliness. It is not being alone in itself, but a feeling similar to abandonment, a vague anxiety. If the fear grows and becomes too intense, the so-called “existential anguish” arises.. This is a constant feeling of being threatened or inhabited by emptiness.

Usually these states lead to sleeplessness, to nights without being able to sleep: a favorable place for the nourishment of hundreds of scattered and disturbing thoughts that fly wherever inertia takes them through our heads. It also leads to a certain inhibition towards others. You relate to others in a tense way. And if the link becomes stronger, you easily become demanding and dependent. Returning to anxiety…

What’s behind the fear of loneliness

Sometimes the fear of loneliness is not so obvious. For example, when people fill their agenda to bursting, all with the goal of not leaving a single minute free. What they really don’t want is to give rise to moments in which they are alone, without a good pretext. They are running away from themselves. What hides that fear of not having someone by your side?

On many occasions what there is is an unresolved conflict, which comes from childhood. In those first years we are very vulnerable and any experience of rejection or abandonment leaves big marks: open wounds that do not scar due to lack of care. Maybe some beloved figure wasn’t there. And in that emptiness a dull fear settled. When we are alone, it is possible that we will encounter those painful and distressing sensations again, that the perception we acquire of the world will still be very present today.

It may also happen that the fear is not actually directed at loneliness as such, but at some facet of ourselves. Maybe there is something we don’t want to see or recognize. That’s why We avoid those encounters with the most intimate part of us, which can only occur in solitude..

It also happens that we have formed a very negative opinion of being alone. Perhaps we have not really experienced it and we avoid it because we do not know the advantages of that state. Likewise, loneliness becomes disturbing when we perceive ourselves as people unable to face life. We need someone else to lean on.

How to get out of the fence imposed by loneliness?

The anxiety that originates from the fear of being alone can be treated and diluted. Sometimes it simply requires reviewing the situation and making some lifestyle adjustments. Other times it requires a professional consultation. In any case, there are some measures that are healthy to take:

Review habits. Habits such as depending too much on the mobile phone or computer contribute to isolation and with it, anxiety. There is nothing wrong and there is a lot of positive in disconnecting for a few hours.Don’t idealize the company of others. Perhaps without realizing it you have assumed that the company of others completely changes your mood. See if this is actually always the case.Reflect on the positive aspects of loneliness. Take a moment to think about the rewarding elements that solitude could have. What could you do alone that you find interesting, entertaining or enjoyable?Strengthen your circle of friends. You will see that deepening some connections makes you feel less afraid of being alone. Close relationships protect emotionally.Being alone is not being locked up. She tries to go to the movies, or some other show, without company. Don’t condemn yourself to not go out just because you are alone.

One of the most negative aspects of this anxious loneliness is that it leads to establishing ingenuine bonds with others.. Their company is sought to reduce discomfort, but not to cultivate authentic relationships. To be able to share with others healthily, you first have to learn to be alone. Think that, at least in part, the fear of loneliness is also fear of life, because the only person who follows us everywhere is ourselves.

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