Lie down, sleep and dream with me: you make me lose sleep.

Are you reminding me now?

Nights are different. But they all make me reflect on good and bad things. Nostalgia is usually more intense at this time. The world is silent, but the interior here, screams and sometimes cries uncontrollably. I listen to my heart and talk to my conscience.

Since we were born, nights have never been easy. Sometimes because of bed wetting, sometimes because of the boogeyman. When we grow up, the problems are different: breakup, overwork, demanding studies, financial calculations, lack of someone.

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• Don’t fall in love with me now

Even with some negative points, like everything in life, the night has always been my favorite time. It’s the time when I realize that life is a box of surprises, that I try to understand my nightmares and the reason for the sleepless nights. And then, I realize that although the nights are not easy, my greatest desire is to share them all with someone and then, you enter the scene…

I’ll get straight to the point, no commas or introductions. I so wish you were here by my side in bed, you know? I wanted to kiss you until the day dawns, until our mouths dry and you beg for ice water. I wanted to tease you by running my nails down your back, slowly, until I caused all the chills in the world.

I wanted to run my tongue on the back of her neck and slowly go down until I nibbled her belly. I wanted to rip her clothes off with my teeth, tangle my fingers in her hair and pull her closer and closer to me. Cross my legs on yours, dance on your lap and whisper in your ear how much you drive me crazy with lust.

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• Dance with Me?

Especially tonight, I wish you endless insomnia. That when you lie in bed, after a busy day and a refreshing bath, your thoughts are dominated by everything that involves my name. May you close your eyes, hug your pillow and try to smell what little is left of my perfume on your comforter.

May you feel so hot when you think of my body, that you need to open the window to ventilate the room. May you even try to escape or divert the memories, but may they manage to dominate you from head to toe.

Remember our moments and miss what we haven’t lived yet. Make plans by my side. It’s you I think about before I go to sleep, and it’s been since the day we met. It’s you I want around, when I’m startled by some noise in the dark of my room.

I dream of you even when the sun rises and a new moment begins again. I strive every day to become a better person and, consequently, to be someone more interesting to you. You are my favorite notification.

SEE TOO:

• A letter to the man I chose to marry

Thinking before bed, it’s the only time of the day when everything can be exactly the way I want. I don’t even know why I’m writing this bunch of nonsense, maybe you don’t even waste your time reading. But I’m still here, deluded, wanting to kiss you good morning after a cold night.

Wanting to have that moment of our own, wake up early and prepare our breakfast. Lying on your lap after a long walk holding hands and finally falling in love with you all over again.

Distance isn’t bad as they say, it just showed me how much I love what’s been away. Anyway, if we don’t work out, thank you for showing me that there’s still something good in here. It’s okay if it ends up in nothing, we’ve been a lot.

I’m still here imagining and hoping, to dream of you in this little bit of dawn.

Thank you for making me sleep smiling.

Jessica Pellegrini