Learn to accept your emotions

“Worrying about something like that is silly.” “Not worth it”. “You have no reason to be sad.” “Come on, stop crying.” “You have to get over it”. How many times have we heard phrases like this, said with the best of intentions?

They have given us that advice and we have given it too. They seem good and sensible. However, what happens when we try to apply them? They do not work, We couldn’t find the magic formula.

Unfortunately, our emotions do not follow orders or carry out our will. It is not enough to want to change what we feel. The feelings are there and they don’t change easily.

Furthermore, it is very possible that we feel frustrated. Feel well it becomes an obligationand by not being able to fulfill it, we end up worse than we started: we feel awkward, guilty, we believe that anyone can manage their emotions except us.

It is evident that in this way a vicious circle is created that sinks us deeper and deeper into negativity. The greater the obligation to be well and not give importance to things, the bigger the problem becomes in our mind and the worse we feel.

Get out of the circle

A quote often attributed to Einstein, although it is not known if he actually uttered it, is: “Yeah you look for different results, don’t always do the same thing”. Whether or not it belongs to the scientific genius, the truth is that it is a very intelligent phrase.

How do you get out of a vicious circle? Taking a different step. In this case, we could ask What would happen if we changed the phrases and advice that we saw at the beginning. In fact, this approach has been put into practice since third generation therapies, such as Mindfulness or Acceptance and Commitment.

Observe and accept

Instead of fighting negative emotions, let’s try to accept them. This does not mean resigning ourselves to the fact that they will never change, but rather give ourselves permission to feel them. Yes, I am sad, yes, this is important to me and it worries me.

Observe ourselves with an open mind, without judging ourselves, because trials always end up declaring us guilty. Without putting effort into a continuous struggle, because fighting exhausts us and leaves us adrift.

Your emotions are valid

There are no good or bad emotions, they are all part of the same thing, they all make us human. And it is human to have ups and downs and emotional changes, that is the current of life and we already know the futility of swimming against the current.

Consider all your emotions valid, feel them without fighting to change them. You will learn to identify them, to understand them (yours and those of others), to take them seriously. You will also see that they follow their own course and that they end up passing, making way for each other continuously.

Practice with others

Acceptance doesn’t just help you. When someone feels bad, try this technique too. Put yourself in their place, accompany them, sit next to the other person. Empathize and accept their emotions as valid.

If he asks for advice, you can give it, but don’t judge. Don’t make him feel wrong and clumsy. Offer to accompany her, to talk if she needs it, or to respect her silence. Live the emotional experience and let the other person live it.

get strong

Remember that pain is an inevitable part of life. That positive experiences make sense because negative ones exist… contrast is what gives them meaning. How would we say that we are content or happy, if we had never been sad?

Also respect your own suffering, as you have done with that of others, and do not punish yourself by imposing obligations on yourself. You have the right to feel bad, to cry, or to give importance to situations.

Don’t resign yourself: the pain will pass too

Of course, accepting and respecting does not mean resigning ourselves without doing anything. It means giving ourselves the time and space, the moment we need for the emotion to occur.. Afterwards, and from a greater knowledge of our feelings, we can decide if there is something we can do to improve the situation.

In the end the pain will also pass, positive emotions will end up arriving, and then, it will be even more important to put what you have learned into practice. We will have to pay attention to what we feel, observe ourselves and be aware. And we will know better than ever what it means to feel good. Because feeling good and bad, at the end of the day, is feel human.