Grief for the breakup of the couple

Like all processes in which a loved one is lost, Grieving the breakup of a couple can be very complicated.. Many people, when ending a relationship, are invaded by a series of emotions that they do not know how to control, especially if the decision is unilateral or the other simply disappears without any explanation.

However, grief over the breakup of a couple is very similar to other types of grief. This has a great advantage: psychologists have been studying how to overcome losses for many decades. Therefore, There are many tools that can help us be better. in case of separation. Let’s dig deeper.

Phases of grief for the breakup of the couple

The grieving process for the breakup of a couple mainly goes through five phases. The peculiarity is that They may present in a slightly different way than when a loved one dies.. However, the basic structure is the same.

Thus, when our partner breaks up with us, it is normal for us to go through five stages:

Denial.Anger.Bargaining.Depression.Acceptance.

These phases They do not have to arise in the same order for everyone. So, someone might start with anger, then jump to denial, and then move on to depression. Another person, perhaps, gets caught between negotiation and depression, jumping from one to the other for a long period.

The key is to remember that All of these emotions are perfectly normal.. Furthermore, it must be taken into account that when a couple breaks up, grief appears almost inevitably if there are very strong feelings. Therefore, just understanding what each of the phases consists of can greatly alleviate emotional pain.

Let’s see each one of them.

1- Denial stage

The first of the phases that one goes through when losing an important partner is that of denial. In the case of breakups, the affected person is not able to believe that the relationship has ended. Therefore, continue acting as if at any moment the other person is going to come back.

Depending on the person, This can happen in different ways.. For some, the breakup will appear to be nothing more than a run-of-the-mill fight. In these cases, the affected person believes that a reconciliation will occur in a short time. For others, however, it will be obvious that it is a real breakup, but they believe that, with a little effort, they will be able to get their ex-partner back.

If you think you are at this stage, You need to start looking at what has happened in the face.. Denying reality will only bring you more suffering in the long term.

2- Stage of anger

Once the person accepts that their relationship is over, feelings of hostility and anger often appear. These fulfill a fundamental function: They allow emotional pain to be less intense.

Some of the typical thoughts of this stage are the following:

“She really didn’t deserve me.” “I’m better off without her.” “She doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

However, this mental dialogue hides large amounts of resentment and pain. To move forward with the grieving process it is necessary to understand that The ex-partner is a normal, ordinary person, who is just acting the best way he knows how.. Only in this way can the anger be diluted and advance to the next phase.

3- Negotiation stage

In negotiation, the person who is experiencing grief tries to win back the ex-partner in any way possible. Thus, romantic gestures, pleas or even emotional blackmail may appear. This is especially true for people with certain personality types, such as histrionics or depressives.

The only way to overcome this stage is to accept that the ex-partner is not going to come back.. Only in this way can we advance to the next phase of the duel.

4- Stage of depression

During this phase, the person finally accepts that their ex is not coming back. However, the process of overcoming grief over the couple’s breakup is not over yet. In the stage of depression, The predominant belief is that you cannot live without the other person.

Thus, some of the most common thoughts in this phase are the following:

“I will never find anyone like me.” “I am going to die alone.” “I will never be well again.” “No one will love me like he/she does.”

The messages that the person sends to himself are mostly irrational thoughts. To finish overcoming the duel, it is necessary accept that you can be fine without the otherand that losing this relationship is not really such a terrible thing.

5- Acceptance stage

The last stage of grief occurs when the person finally accepts what happened. Besides, He realizes that he does not need the other to be well. At this time, the affected person can rebuild their life and even start a new relationship in a healthy way.

The time it takes to go through the five phases of grief depends on each person. If you’re getting over a breakup right now, you must be patient with yourself. The only essential thing is that you advance little by little, and that you actively work on your recovery.

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