Learn how to overcome infidelity with these 10 tips

Forgive or break the relationship instantly? When your partner betrays you, emotions knot your heart and even the thought suffocates you. Therefore, if you are wondering how to overcome infidelity, it is advisable to take one aspect into account. No experience is the same and each one has their own characteristics when making a series of decisions.

Every unfaithful person commits an act of violation of the trust created in a sexual-affective bond. Such an experience can be traumatic, there is no doubt. However, in couples therapy it is common to see how many manage to repair and heal that wound to come out stronger. Others, however, decide to proceed with the breakup. Below, we offer you some help tips.

How to overcome infidelity

Infidelity is a violation of the commitment or agreement of sexual and emotional exclusivity in a relationship. If you have agreed to a bond with your partner based on monogamy, having intimate or emotional interactions with another figure is already a full-fledged betrayal. And, indeed, such an experience is lived in a devastating way.

Psychotherapist John Gottman, one of the greatest experts in the sexual-affective area, explains something very important about this topic in his book The science of couples and family therapy (2018). Betrayals are, in many cases, that barometer that reveals how a relationship is going. Now, what to do when this happens? What coping mechanisms are the most appropriate?

1. Understand why it happened

Research published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health highlights that, in a relationship, transgressions can appear trivial and easy to forgive. But those that constitute true betrayal completely challenge the foundations of relational commitment.

To overcome infidelity, it is crucial to talk to your partner and try to understand the cause. Knowing the reason for this sexual-affective attack will allow you to make your own decisions later. Try to establish open and honest communication in which thoughts and emotions are exposed. We reveal, however, the main reasons associated with these behaviors:

The weight of routine. Poor communication. Attraction to someone new. Search for excitement and novelty. Relationship problems. Longing for passion and romantic love. Search for validation and affection outside the relationship. Lack of real commitment. in the relationship. Infidelity can also appear as an act of revenge. Personal difficulties such as depression, lack of impulse control, etc.

2. Accept your emotions

A betrayal is like a black hole in which you are trapped with a host of difficult emotions. Don’t repress them, don’t make an effort to pretend that you can do everything. Infidelity requires a grief to go through. This means accepting your anger, sadness, confusion, anxiety and anguish. It is difficult, but you must accept each internal experience to heal little by little.

3. Don’t get carried away by your impulses

According to Personal Relationships, it is estimated that around 2-4% of spouses commit infidelity at some point. It is a phenomenon that happens more than we would like. And the truth is that we don’t always react in the best way. It is common that, after a betrayal, sexual-affective revenge is chosen.

However, making your partner pay in the same coin doesn’t get you anywhere. After a betrayal, it is advisable that you avoid getting carried away by impulses. The ideal is to give yourself time in solitude in order to encourage reflection and introspection. During those days you will be able to make a more considered decision.

4. Self-care

If you are wondering how to overcome infidelity, there is a magic word that is useful for everyone: self-care. Right now you may be trying hard to live a normal life, going to work, socializing, and taking care of your responsibilities. But something like this is not easy when you feel broken, hurt, and with your self-esteem violated. You need time, calm and patience to heal.

You will find it cathartic to begin simple emotional self-care tasks. An example of this is writing a journal about how you feel, resting, venting, and talking to someone who knows how to listen to you. Don’t hesitate to do activities that make you feel good either.

5. Make a decision

When you have meditated and reflected enough it is time to decide. After infidelity you have two options: forgive or break the relationship. Both can be complicated and require analyzing multiple factors; The most important is to consider whether that relationship is worth your time and effort. Couples therapy may help you and your partner decide what is best.

As you progress in recovery, you may consider forgiving the person who was unfaithful to you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting and it may take time before you are ready to do so. But it is a valid action that gives way to a new stage in the relationship in which to try to make things much better.

6. Regulates resentment and guilt

How to overcome a breakup due to infidelity? A necessary tool is regulate resentment towards your partner. Also the weight of guilt that, sometimes, you feel towards yourself for not doing things differently. To move forward it is necessary to free yourself from these two limiting psycho-emotional spheres.

Keep in mind that, as they point out in a PLOS ONE article, it is possible that the end of a relationship brings with it depressive symptoms. It is convenient that you release weights, that you do not feed hatred towards your ex-partner Nor invalidate yourself by blaming yourself for events that, now, no longer matter.

7. Don’t compare yourself to other couples

When you suffer a betrayal yourself, it is normal for you to feel envious of those relationships around you that seem idyllic. What’s more, you may even know someone who also lived through this experience and who forgave their partner. In these circumstances, it is decisive to consider one detail.

Each experience is unique and comparing yourself to other people’s lives will not help. Make your decisions, focus on your needs and understand that, sometimes, certain emotional projects fail. But that doesn’t mean that love isn’t worth it. Love is part of life and there are always people who know how to take care of that bond.

8. Lean on your environment

There are those who avoid sharing with their friends and family that their partner betrayed them. All deception is experienced in a traumatic way and it is common for shame to set in in these psychological realities. We insist that these are very frequent dynamics. The fact of leaning on trusted figures is of great help.

Seek the closeness of those people who know how to listen without judging, who are a refuge and with whom you can vent. Talk, cry, express yourself with these presences and you will feel better.

9. Consider psychological therapy

Your brain can process a betrayal in a traumatic way. It is a fact, often unexpected and hurtful, that collapses everything you took for granted. This attack on sexual-affective trust is processed painfully and perhaps this imprint will alter your daily life in many ways. If you perceive that your psychosocial life is greatly affected, ask for professional support.

If you’re wondering how to overcome infidelity, cognitive behavioral therapy helps. This model, according to a publication by Frontiers in Psychology, is one of those with the greatest scientific endorsement. Do not feel embarrassed or embarrassed, there are multiple tools that help heal that wound and recover your well-being.

10. Go through your grief and be patient

Getting over a breakup due to betrayal is not something that happens in one month or two. Don’t pressure yourself or force yourself to turn the page hastily. Sometimes, in that attempt to alleviate the pain, you make the mistake of starting a new relationship just to appease the suffering. A nail does not always pull out another nail, but it entrenches unrealized duels.

Be compassionate with yourself and be patient. An infidelity takes time to heal and, if you have decided to end that relationship, the process is not immediate. Take care of yourself, start new projects and make small changes. Sometimes something as simple as going out and meeting people opens up new perspectives.

Move forward despite everything to heal infidelity

It is important to remember once again that Each relationship is unique and infidelity does not always mean the end of that story. Some couples find the strength to regain their bond, while others decide to go their separate ways. Both options are valid and are also acts of great courage.

No matter how much this experience hurts you, you have resources to face betrayal. You will flourish again, trust in love and build a healthy relationship. Building happy relationships is not easy, but resilience is that nuclear component that will allow you to continue forward despite everything.

You might be interested…