Do open relationships work?

Only once have they proposed an open relationship to me…, I said no. And there were many factors that I took into account to reject the proposal. However, one of the things that influenced me the most was fear. Fear along with incomprehension.

Open relationships? What sense do they have? Are they just a space to indulge in lust or is it really possible to build different relationships at the same time, all of them meaningful? Today I explore these questions, at least first from theory. Here we go.

What are open relationships?

An open relationship is a way of bonding between people in which everyone accepts that those who are part of that relationship can have other relationships that can be considered romantic or within the realm of relationships, without being conceived as infidelity. It is opposed to the normalized conception of relationships in which sexual and emotional exclusivity prevails.

The term that encompasses the diversity of ways of relating like this is free love. Free love is “a way of relating sexually-emotionally in an honest and consensual way in which ownership of the people with whom ties are established, nor of their feelings, actions or thoughts is not presupposed” (Ferrario, 2018. pg .3).

Most likely, there are as many open relationships as there are couples practicing them. So, why a relationship of this type?

The meaning of an open relationship

It can be a way to explore sexuality and affection, as well as a way to continue strengthening communication and trust.. I know it sounds confusing and difficult. And the truth is that it is normal that this is the case, because the only thing we never discussed or tested was how love happened.

And (I speak from my own experience) we always had the idea of ​​a love between two. Characterized by the infinite and brave dedication of princes charming. That is to say, in addition to growing up with the idea of ​​exclusivity in our emotional and sexual relationships, we grew up with the thoughtless idea that love would be forever…

However, how many marriages break up because living that dream is tremendously complicated? I ask this question so that we understand once and for all that it is not about what kind of relationship we are talking about; beyond that, All human bonds come with complexities.

In short: I would say that It is an option for those couples who, faced with the reality of the attraction of bodies, are not scared and decide to enjoy their relationship and their relationship with others. without it meaning loving less or wanting badly.

The challenges of an open relationship

The first challenge is the one we have already mentioned before: it is difficult to overcome the common norm. The first thing to overcome will be the comments of others. And then, the comments of others, but internalized in our habits of how to love.

Jealousy, insecurities and fears can surface. That’s why, It is important to understand that this will never be a tool to save a relationship.. In fact, open relationships must arise within a context of full and total trust, both in oneself and in the other.

The challenges are many and that is why The existing foundations must be strong and solid. To do this, we have a tool that helps a lot, although it is not infallible: communication. And just as in relationships in which exclusivity and monogamy are practiced, communication is crucial, in open relationships this will be an equally important tool so that that decision is fully enjoyed.

1. Take the first step

That open relationships are honest and consensual implies that there is a mutual will for everything to flow in the best way. This presupposes the fundamental bases of an agreement.

If you and your partner are willing to take the first step, below we will leave you key points to think about when having an open relationship.

2. Start from a stable relationship

I insist on this point because it is crucial to make it clear that an open relationship is not a way out for a relationship that is in crisis. Open relationships require trust and a strong bond. Furthermore: an open relationship should not be something imposed, but something that both parties seek, discuss and practice.

Jealousy, emotional stress or a feeling of abandonment are some of the emotions reported by those who did not have a pleasant experience with this type of relationship. But for that to happen, listening in open relationships must be open and without prejudice, because the truth is that topics that monogamous relationships avoid are put on the table.

3. Communication

The bridge that will allow everything to flow in a healthy, responsible and rewarding way will be communication. From the moment the option of an open relationship is sought, the rules that are established—which paradoxically tend to be more complex than those of a monogamous relationship—and the agreements that are reached are woven through dialogue.

It is very important to establish a minimum agreement on sexual care and hygiene, because we do not want freedom to cost us the pleasure and fullness of life. So communication is the bridge that allows us to connect and find solutions for the relationship that is sought and desired.

And this bridge will be as big or as small as each part gives and receives. Don’t you think it’s necessary for everything to be told? Do you know how far you can open up with your partner about your other relationships? These are questions that may arise along the way.

Therefore, it is key that the people involved get to know each other, but that they willingly pursue continuing to get to know their partner. So both can know how far they want and can go.

4. The scale of priorities

And while it is true that the freedom to know and enjoy life with other emotional and sexual partners opens a wider range of freedom than that of exclusive relationships, It is important to remember that the figure of a main couple still exists.

You have to take care of that love for it to flourish. It will be useless to have proposed an open relationship if it falls apart due to lack of care. So within freedom it is also crucial to have clear priorities..

Do you still have doubts and concerns? I know, maybe it’s not for everyone. Although the truth is that there is only one way to know if something works and that is to try it. I hope this guide helps in such a path.

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