Lack of respect in the couple

Respect in a couple is one of the fundamental pillars for it to work. However, time, monotony and poor conflict management can compromise its stability. Lack of respect is, in all relationships, a very harmful element. for its enormous destructive power.

On the other hand, sometimes we can fall into a dynamic of disrespect almost without realizing it. We may even allow things that we would not allow in other contexts or to other people.

Once that point is reached, the relationship can deteriorate so much that it ends up breaking up. Therefore, it is important to know all the variants that a lack of respect can have.

Emotional manipulation and condescension in treatment

Emotional manipulation is one of the most frequent, tempting and painful acts of disrespect. This is a manipulation in which The interested party poses the situation in such a way that the other person feels bad if they do not agree. to satisfy your desires. “If you loved me, you would have gone looking for me”, “I would love you more if you dedicated more time to me”.

This type of communication should not exist in any relationship. Feelings are not negotiated or exchanged. On the other hand, each of us has a way of showing our love or affection; On the other hand, this does not have to coincide with what the other expects or would like.

There are times, and even couple dynamics, in which one treats the other as if he were inferior, accompanying each help or show of affection with an expression of condescension.

Although this may seem like a common dynamic for many couples, it is actually a lack of respect for each other’s identity. In those cases, you are not respecting who that person is, their personality and their purpose.

Continuous criticism

Over time, it is common to begin to be less careful when saying things to your partner. If you are not careful, you can cross a dangerous threshold, that of constantly criticizing.

At that moment, instead of valuing the other and telling them what we don’t like in a respectful and assertive way, We start making value judgments about everything. That is, you begin to criticize everything you do and how you do it. Thus, constantly negatively judging your partner’s tastes and preferences can become a profound lack of respect.

In the same way, derogatory and insulting criticism of the other’s family are also disrespectful forms of treatment and do not contribute to the growth of the relationship.

The main problem with criticism, besides the fact that it can cause a lot of damage, is that They do not help to solve the problems. Basically, it is a way of denigrating others, undervaluing them, and it ends up affecting their self-esteem and, of course, the relationship.

Contradict

It is very common to see couples who, almost by system, contradict each other’s words in front of others. “That’s a lie, it wasn’t like that“, “Well the other day at home you didn’t say the same thing“… Making evident what the couple says is a great lack of respect. By doing this, your opinion is being underestimated, placing it in a lower place than your own.

When the couple is respected, It is respected that this person has an opinion on a topic, that he can change it whenever he wants and that he has his own version of the events.

Nicknames, teasing and malicious jokes

Behaviors like putting Non-consensual nicknames, making ill-intentioned jokes or constantly making fun of what the other person does and says are also forms of disrespectful treatment. Hurtful jokes can deeply hurt our self-esteem and self-confidence.

Humor is an important part of a relationship, but it has to be shared and enjoyed by both parties.

Insults and rudeness

Finally, it is very clear that when insults and rudeness appear in a discussion, we are facing an obvious lack of respect that must be addressed and resolved immediately.

How can it be changed?

If we suspect that we are disrespecting our partner, or vice versa, it is important to act on the following points:

Set limits. Anyone who feels disrespected should talk to the other person and explain how this makes them feel. Furthermore, in this conversation it is advisable to establish a series of limits that should not be crossed.Ask for forgiveness. Generally we forget how necessary it is, and the power it has, to know how to ask for forgiveness. If you feel that you have disrespected your partner and want to change it, start by asking for forgiveness. And, above all, work to ensure that it does not happen again.Truly forgive. Likewise, if you have forgiven your partner because they have disrespected you in some way, truly forgive them. There is no point in forgiving and continuing with resentments that will only make the situation worse.Set the example. Always treat your partner the way you would like to be treated. Remember that we cannot demand what we are not capable of giving.Work on empathy. Being able to put ourselves in our partner’s shoes will be essential to understand their motivations, interests and fears, and the way in which they decide to express them.Communication. It is essential to learn to communicate well, in an assertive way. If someone in your relationship communicates aggressively, imposing their ideas, start working together. The benefits that this style of communication brings are innumerable. If you work on these aspects and nothing works, it is best to give yourself some time. A break to reflect on why you treat each other this way and consider whether or not you want to return is sometimes the best solution. It gives room to think about what we should change and resume the relationship with a different attitude. On the other hand, if you are not able to work together or the relationship has reached a problematic point, but you want to stay together, the most appropriate thing is go to a couples therapy specialist. Sometimes you need a neutral person to analyze the problem and, in addition, a specialist to try to find the solution that best suits your case.

Definitely, Respect is something that must be worked on from the beginning of the relationship.. If a story is built around this, you will be valuing the principles, interests and needs of the other. Furthermore, if you commit to this habit, it would not require any effort and everything else will go smoothly.

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