Know your needs, follow your rhythm

Are you very demanding of yourself? Are you one of those people who usually offer others much more than you can actually give? Sometimes we pull too hard on ourselves, almost without realizing it, tearing away part of our being, part of our integrity.

Think, for example, of those relationships in which one of the members renounces many of their aspirations for the benefit of the other, who even puts their needs first, thinking that this way, they will better build that emotional happiness. But little by little, and without us realizing it, Frustration and possibly a fall will come.

There are many examples that we can give about this very common reality: parents who expect everything from their children and set a pace that is too fast, too demanding, without knowing the child’s true needs.

Each one of us We have an internal guideline that tells us what we need at any given moment.

We don’t have to drink if we are not thirsty. We don’t have to offer something we don’t feel, or do something we don’t want. We must be aware of our needs, listen to our vital rhythm.

Let’s talk about it today.

Why sometimes we can’t connect with our needs?

It may surprise you, but It is not always easy to know what our true needs are. in every moment of our lives. Sometimes we don’t want to see them, we even apply unconscious defense mechanisms not to recognize them.

Admitting that perhaps it is better to leave that job or that person, daring to take that step that will strengthen our character and allow us to be happier… It is never easy.

Do you want to know what normally prevents us from seeing our authentic needs?

-Projection: Many times, we blame others for our problemss, thus avoiding burdening ourselves with the reality of the problem. If I have a self-esteem or insecurity problem, I will be dominant with my partner so that he does not abandon me. If I have a problem at work, I blame my co-workers because they are incompetent. It is an error to take into account.

-Introjection: I am aware that I have a specific need, but I make an effort to camouflage it and focus all my energies on hiding that emptiness, that gap. All my behavior is a maskall my emotions are well “camouflaged” inside me.

-Deflection: In this case we would show curious as well as frequent behavior. When I need and know I should do something, I avoid it and escape by doing the opposite to try to “downplay” it.. For example, I know that I should talk to my boss to ask for a raise, however, I ask him how his vacation went.

-Confluence: This would be somewhat more worrying behavior. Faced with a problem or need, I cling even more to my enemy or my problem. I am aware that I am no longer happy with my partner, however, I agree to take that weekend getaway. I act passively and anchor myself even more to what I must resolve.

Listen to your needs, follow your rhythm and act

As you may have perceived in the previously mentioned mechanisms, beneath these behaviors lies a lack of decision and fear. It is never easy to recognize our needs, because when we see them, we discover that to satisfy them, we must make big changes. And it is not something simple.

Let’s see what the healthiest process would be to recognize and face a need:

1. Feel the sensation. I know that something is wrong with me, that I have a void and that I am not truly happy. I am aware of this because I feel it in my heart, because it affects my emotional balance.

2. Name that need. Am I dissatisfied? I NEED A CHANGE? Should I tell the truth about how I feel to this person? Try to define in concrete words what your needs are.

3. Gather your energy, your determination. Become aware of the need to act.

4. Action. It is the most complex part, where you must be braver and think about yourself, only about yourself and your obligation to satisfy what you need. Acting like this is not being selfish, it is being whole and aware of what your inner being demands and needs.

5. I get in touch with my need. The moment you put your demand out loud, you will notice how you and your need form a single entity, there is an exchange with your environment and you feel liberated. Afterwards, whatever has to come will come, but surely, it will be something good and will help you feel much better.

Try it!