Emotional withdrawal syndrome: pain after an emotional breakup

Emotional withdrawal syndrome arises after a relationship breakup. Breaking away from such an emotional bond is not an easy task; in fact, the psychological suffering experienced is usually devastating for our brain. This process is very similar to the withdrawal syndrome suffered by addicts, a kind of neurochemical chaos from which it is not easy to get rid of.

Who more and who less knows firsthand what this experience tastes like. Teenagers know this when they suffer a breakup for the first time, the pain of distance or the disappointment of rejection. We adults know this, because our life journey is of no use when it suddenly happens, when love expires, when infidelity appears or when we simply become aware that it is necessary to put an end to a relationship with no future or excessively painful.

Letting go, when you still love, hurts. Getting used to absence, assuming the definitive end and the obligation to rebuild our life without that person is something for which we are not prepared. However, we do it, and achieving it gives us internal strengths and adequate psychological resources.

Nevertheless, The real problem appears when someone, far from turning the page, falls into the circle of obsession, in a vicious circle of new opportunities, in the need to contact, to beg for attention, to cry out for a love that is already outdated and impossible. We are talking, of course, about a profile characterized by emotional dependence, and where the emotional withdrawal syndrome places said person in a state of absolute vulnerability and extreme suffering.

Emotional withdrawal syndrome or the inability to say goodbye

Carlos is 30 years old and his partner left him seven months ago.. He met Paula in high school, when he was 16 years old. They studied together at university and later opened a small business together. The last few years were not easy: debts, a company that was never successful, and Paula’s discouragement over a project that was not progressing ended up affecting their relationship.

Although Carlos insisted on moving forward, she ended up leaving him after a conversation in which she explained clearly and sincerely that no, there were no second chances. Their relationship ended there.. However, despite her explanations, Carlos continues trying to contact her. Look at her social networks and statuses daily and think of ways to match her.

Our protagonist is not only obsessed with resuming said relationship. Today he is unable to work or carry out any other activity. His emotional withdrawal syndrome is so intense that It has turned him into a shadow of himself, an emotional dependent mired in an anxious-depressive cycle.

Let’s see below more characteristics associated with this type of profile.

The 5 characteristics of emotional withdrawal syndrome

Something that should be clear is that generally, when we leave an emotional relationship, We can all experience emotional withdrawal syndrome. However, this is nothing more than a part of grieving, a stage that should motivate us to implement intelligent and useful coping strategies. A series of resources that will allow us to pave the way to maturely overcome that breakup.

However, this psychological condition marked by stagnation and persistent suffering It is common in people with low self-esteem and who are characterized by a high emotional dependence on their partner.In turn, another characteristic aspect of emotional withdrawal syndrome is the lack of conviction about the end of the relationship. There is a clear denial.Anxious and obsessive behavior is another key. They are incapable of complying with “zero contact”, they will always find an excuse to search, contact, call… At the same time, and no less important, dependents are unable to tolerate emotional pain. They lack the tools to manage it, they feel paralyzed and react to suffering by looking for more opportunities. Finally, we cannot forget all that complex, intense and exhausting symptoms that clearly affect a person’s health: insomnia, loss of appetite, concentration problems , disinterest in life, discouragement…

Symptoms

After the breakup, abstinence towards the other member of the couple will appear. Our brain had become accustomed to the sensations of pleasure and gratification and, therefore, it will react to the lack of these by generating the following symptoms.

Physical symptoms:

Dizziness, nausea and feeling of loss of balance. Feeling of tightness in the chest. Difficulty breathing or feeling of suffocation. Headaches.

Psychological symptoms:

Nervousness.Insomnia.Loss of appetite.Anguish and anxiety.Sadness and melancholy.Concentration problemsObsessive and recurring thoughts.Feeling of guilt.Loss of pleasure.Feeling of hopelessness.

The duration of emotional withdrawal syndrome will depend on each case and will vary from one person to another depending on their strengths, their previous experiences and the type of relationship they had with their ex-partner.

How to deal with emotional withdrawal syndrome?

Carlos, the boy in our example, shows all the psychological and behavioral traits of the emotional withdrawal syndrome. In his case, what he needs above all is the help of a professional and adequate psychological therapy. No one deserves to live in such a state of helplessness.no one should stop loving themselves in such a way as to remain suspended in existential meaninglessness and in such a destructive state of emotional suffering.

On the other hand, whether we have reached this extreme or if we are currently facing an emotional breakup, it would be appropriate to reflect on the following strategies. Elementary keys to keep in mind.

Suffering from emotional withdrawal syndrome, within certain parameters of intensity and duration, is normal. However, It is necessary to assume that it is transitorya state that must pass to give way to a more balanced, focused and strong state.Accept negative emotions like sadness, desolation, confusion. They are states that sooner or later must pass to promote acceptance and improvement.Appealing to “zero” contact is basic in these cases. It is essential not to have our ex-partner on social networks or in our contacts. It is the first step to disconnect from your life, avoiding falling into perverse dynamics.Making changes in our lives is rewarding. Something as simple as making new friends or looking for other hobbies will be of great help to “free the mind”, to break the cycle of obsession.Resume contact with friends, and even start new friendships. Feeling supported helps us accept this process of change that we are feeling.Deidealize the other person and stop thinking that everything was perfect. Sometimes, these ideals become a recurring thought that harms our acceptance process.Perform physical exercise to promote the release of endorphins, related to happiness and euphoria. In addition, it helps us clear our minds. Do different activities to distract our minds and focus our attention on other things.

Throughout this entire process we will not leave aside such valuable aspects as our self-esteem, our dignity, our values ​​or vital purposes. An emotional breakup should never be seen as the end of the worldbut as the end of a stage and the obligatory beginning of something that will undoubtedly bring us good things and a stronger, even more beautiful version of ourselves.

It’s time to travel

When we suffer emotional withdrawal syndrome the best thing we can do is travel. But not just any trip, but to our interior. Get to know us in depth. A introspective journey to reconnect with our authentic selves. That “I” that is happy in itself without the need for dependencies. Or, according to Howard Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences. It is time to enhance our Intrapersonal intelligence. This Intelligence allows us to know ourselves better. Thanks to it we are able to manage our emotions and feelings.

It’s time to get up and start deciding for ourselves. Emotional dependence is nothing more than a symptom of insecurity and inner unhappiness. Therefore, It will be important to be happy “from within”, so we will not become attached to people, situations or material elements. We will be self-sufficient and we will enjoy emotional freedom.

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