Know why they don’t let you go, even if they don’t love you

Love always presents us with crossroads, although many of them are happy labyrinths. However, sometimes those confusions are not so rewarding. For example, when you are in front of one of those people who don’t love you, but don’t let you go either.

On the one hand, you feel that this person is not really interested in you. He doesn’t stay aware of your needs, nor does he make more of an effort to make you happy. However, on the other hand, when the cup is filled and you announce your intention After ending the relationship, he immediately jumps in and makes hundreds of promises. because he assures that he doesn’t want to lose you.

This push and pull is disconcerting. Sometimes you come to think that maybe someone who is confused it’s you. Despite this, you quickly see signs that they don’t love you again. And the cycle begins again. What to do in this distressing situation?

How do you know that they don’t love you?

Love always generates some dose of suffering. But, If it is healthy, it should generate many more moments of well-being what affliction. It must also be based on clarity, although this does not exclude doubts or contradictions, from time to time. In short, love has to basically make you happy.

Starting from that idea, You can realize that they don’t love you when there is more anxiety than calm. When you spend more time suffering from absences and misunderstandings, than enjoying your partner. When you stop for a moment to reflect and realize that you no longer know what it means to have inner peace. That you feel hurricanes in your heart all the time.

When they don’t pay enough attention to you, they don’t love you. Also when they overlook, undervalue, reject or criticize your needs and feelings. It’s always easy to know when they don’t love you. The difficult thing is to finish accepting it and make decisions in front of it.

Why don’t they let you go?

What always ends up disconcerting you is that, even though they don’t love you, the other person doesn’t decide to let you go either.. That confuses you. If you love that person, you end up convincing yourself that you are also loved, although in a strange way. Proof of this is that they do not allow you to end the relationship. This is very misleading. But why does it happen?

There are several explanations for this. Below you have the most common ones:

A selfish need. The other person knows that he doesn’t love you, but he also feels that he needs you. He maybe she doesn’t know how to deal with loneliness and hasn’t found a new partner. If he does, he won’t hesitate to break up with you.Possessiveness and egocentrism. Many people cannot tolerate the idea that someone is going to take their place. They assume that their partner is like a possession that they should not lose. The fear that you are going to get a new partner and cause them a narcissistic wound is what doesn’t allow them to let you go.Lack of maturity. Perhaps what is simply happening is that the other person has no idea what it means to love others. He likes to be loved, but he doesn’t know how to reciprocate.Your partner believes that you are very dependent on them. A study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who perceived emotional dependence on their partner were less likely to initiate a breakup. Therefore, your partner could be feeling that he is going to do you irreparable harm and is staying against his will.You have children in common. Offspring is usually one of the most frequently cited reasons for not embarking on a separation. However, children are often, in many cases, the most affected by their parents’ relationship problems, especially if they persist over time.

As we see, The fact that they don’t let you go can be both a selfish position and a way to avoid hurting you. However, staying in a relationship when love has already expired always ends up causing more damage than the breakup itself.

Post-relationship grief

Another reason why they don’t love you, but they don’t let you go, is the fear of grief that occurs after the breakup. Many times, the latent discomfort of a dysfunctional relationship is more bearable compared to the expectation of the intense pain of the breakup.

Breakups are experienced as true duels and in them a gradient of emotional and physical symptoms appears to be taken into account, as reported in studies on the subject. Lack of sleep, sudden changes in body weight, anorexia, intense sadness or apathy are some of them.

For this reason, and for everything above, it is advisable to handle the breakup and subsequent decision-making in as healthy a way as possible. It is essential to have a series of coping strategies, as this article suggests, to prevent the breakup from taking on a traumatic nature.

Get over this situation

If you are in a situation like this, it is advisable that you do not let more time pass without putting things in order. Nothing good can come from such an asymmetrical relationship. Quite the opposite. The usual thing is that the problems escalate progressively, generating many bad times, as well as insecurities and stagnation.

The first thing is to analyze the situation and define if they really don’t love you. Don’t get carried away by victimhood. Simply reflect and determine if your partner really cares about you and enriches your life. If not, it is best to propose a frank dialogue. State your own reasons and try to understand other people’s reasons. The other person may not even understand why she acts the way she does.

And, of course, if you are here because you detect toxic dynamics or abuse in your relationship, it is best that you go to a psychology professional. (and to the relevant authorities, as the case may be). It is neither bad nor shameful to ask for the help of a psychologist who can guide you through a process that, many times, does not have a clear starting point.

They don’t love you or let you go: conclusions

What follows is letting that person go. Erase it from your life, using all the mechanisms at your disposal. A relationship like that is not worth it. It damages you, limits you and can even end up making you sick.. If you feel that it is impossible to finish, that you cannot tolerate the pain of doing so, it is time to ask for help.

That person doesn’t love you, but if they don’t let you go either, it’s because there is something that needs to be discovered and resolved. Even if it hurts, don’t doubt it: it is always better to grieve than to live it forever.

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