Know the deep marks that an absent mother generates

Feel the warmth of a mother, her attention and her affection when coming into the world, It is perhaps one of the greatest needs that a human being can experience throughout their entire life.. There will be few things that we need more. In fact, the first terror we know is the fear of losing her, of having that absent mother who does not help us when we need it. If that happens, there will be nothing in the world that will compensate for it.

In those first moments of our lives, we are able to accept and endure anything she does. If she criticizes us harshly or if she despises us, we are able to forgive her in the blink of an eye. In fact, we don’t even dare to question what she did to us, rather we blame ourselves for unleashing her anger. What we fear most, in those first years, is that he will abandon us.

No matter how available a mother is, sometimes she has to be away. She leaves us alone, even for brief periods. But we do not resign ourselves to that happening, because at such a young age we are not aware of time and we do not know if she is going to return. Little by little we learn to deal with these brief absences, even if they mean pain. And fear.

If for some reason our mother is absent not for short periods, but most of the time, in our hearts a wound opens that may never close. And when that mother is totally absent, the emotional damage is so great that she will leave an imprint on our minds, especially if this occurs during the first six years of our life.

an absent mother

There are people who reach adulthood feeling terrified in all those situations in which they have to be alone. When there is no one in the house, for example, a well of anguish opens up inside them in which they feel like they are drowning. Sometimes these people are charming: they have learned that they must “behave” and be what others expect. But alone, they feel like terrified children succumbing to fear.

The absence of the mother could also be at the root of many sleep and eating disorders. Maybe her mother wanted her baby to eat and sleep, and she manipulated him without giving him her unconditional presence. Not sleeping and not eating could sometimes become a way of antagonizing her. To collect a debt, even if the person who ends up paying is oneself.

A mother who is absent frequently and for long periods of time can induce a strong state of anxiety in her child.. There is fear when he leaves, but there is also fear when he returns, because the little one does not know when he will leave again. There are mothers who use this fear to “control” their children: they threaten to abandon them when they do not obey. The child has no escape if he does not have a good enough mother.

The consequences of an absent mother

The child who lives with an absent mother develops behavior towards her that follows a typical sequence: protest, despair and withdrawal. Absence does not ignite affection, but rather drives emotions crazy. In the end the way out is to block loving feelings. Also, sometimes, cultivating a dull hatred for having been subjected to that fatal vicious circle of loving and losing, over and over again.

An absent mother can give rise to distant, angry and sad human beings. Her children learn, little by little and with burning souls, that they finally have to deal with the world alone.

Thus, to survive this situation, which children experience as very dangerous, Sometimes they put on masks: the nice one, the obedient one, the neighborhood bully, the insensitive one… In their adult lives, these people will find it difficult to recognize what is behind the false personality they invented to deal with abandonment.

What is fundamentally lost with a mother who abandons her is trust in others. Also the hope that someone can respond to our needs or even love us. From this, in adult life we ​​love by trying to create bonds of absolute dependence, which fail again and again.

On the other hand, Sometimes relationships with others remain full of suspicion, or impossible behaviors are demanded of others. What an absent mother leaves behind is a human being who learns to establish bonds full of anger, anxiety and, above all, distrust.

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