Keys to managing passive-aggressive behavior

Passive-aggressive behavior It is one of the ones that causes the most problems. Whether we are the ones who present it or it is someone around us, this way of acting prevents or represents a significant obstacle to taking care of the relationship with the people who are the target of this behavior.

Therefore, learning to manage passive-aggressive behavior is essential. In this article you will learn, on the one hand, to recognize this way of acting. On the other hand, you will discover several keys that will help you deal with it. So, when you meet someone who behaves like this, you will be able to understand what is happening and act accordingly.

What is passive-aggressive behavior?

We all know how to recognize an aggressive person. In general, it is one that frequently uses attack as an instrument or means. Aggression can be physical, but also verbal; It can be direct, but also camouflaged. On the other hand, there may be various reasons behind aggressiveness, such as anger, stress or anxiety.

Understanding this, we can say that a passive-aggressive person would not be able to confront something they do not like directly. However, He wouldn’t be able to contain all his discomfort either.. Therefore, someone like this usually combines moments of self-control with moments of lack of control, in many cases confusing the people around them. If it is anger, the person can express it through discontinuous and aggressive behaviors that show their discomfort.

The problem is that This way of acting is very ineffective in solving the problems.. Therefore, learning to manage passive-aggressive behavior is essential when avoiding unnecessary conflicts.

For example, a person with this coping style would never say that they are upset. In stead of, would use indirect behaviors to show their anger, like stopping talking to someone who has offended you or making sarcastic comments without meaning. Of course, this would not help at all if the person’s intention was to resolve the conflict. However, generally that is not what is sought, but simply showing displeasure in a situation.

How to handle passive-aggressive behavior

Below are two keys to dealing with this type of behavior the next time you encounter it. When you master them, You will discover that passive-aggressive people stop having power over you.

1- Ignore their attempts to get your attention

The most effective way to handle passive-aggressive behavior is ignore their manifestations – failing that, do not reinforce them (or reinforce the alternatives) –. The person who acts like this is fundamentally seeking attention. Therefore, if he sees that you are not affected by how he behaves and that you are not going to listen to him in any way, he may begin to talk to you more directly.

In psychology, it would be said that what we seek is the extinction of behavior. Going back to the previous idea, the passive-aggressive, by making sarcastic comments or “cutting someone off,” can get a reinforcement for their behavior.

As we say, this reinforcement from the outside may not seem like such; Nobody would think that a fight or an argument could be; However, it is if the other person does not have another way to get attention in their behavioral repertoire. That is why in these cases it is so important to carry out pedagogical work.

2- Use assertiveness

Assertiveness has become very fashionable lately; but the truth is that It is very useful to solve a multitude of problems and unpleasant situations.. In the case of managing passive-aggressive behavior, it can become one of your greatest allies.

So, the next time you find yourself in front of a person who acts this way, ask him directly what’s wrong. The key to this approach is that you must remain calm in the discussion that is likely to ensue. When a passive-aggressive person is questioned in this way, he will tend to “go on the attack” and express what bothers him.

Thus, with the cards on the table it will be easier to resolve a conflict that otherwise would have remained latent. Like that Chinese woman in the shoe, it would have continued to cause discomfort without you being able to understand why the other person behaved like that. In this way, provoking his speech, you acquire valuable information to resolve the conflict, in addition to completing the pedagogical work we talked about before. The other will know, through you, that there is another way to manage anger, sadness or stress.

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