Keys to detect if your partner invalidates you

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Does your partner downplay your feelings, your opinions and your values? Discover how invalidation manifests itself in emotional relationships.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

Our emotional relationship must be a safe haven, the place where we can be ourselves and where we feel supported, loved and respected. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen. Many times, the partner uses humiliating or disrespectful treatment that is ignored. Therefore, if you feel that something is not right, but you are not sure what is happening, pay attention to the following signs to detect if your partner is invalidating you.

It is worth mentioning that, all too often, we are not aware that we are immersed in a harmful dynamic. The ideals of romantic love perpetuated by stories and movies, emotional dependence on our partner or fear of being alone can prevent us from opening our eyes to that painful reality.. However, given that our main commitment must always be with ourselves, it is our responsibility not to allow behaviors that threaten our psychological integrity.

How to detect if your partner invalidates you?

It can be difficult to identify that our partner invalidates us. Insecurity and lack of self-esteem, among other aspects, can lead us to normalize this type of behavior.. When you don’t feel worthy of love and respect, alarm bells don’t go off when you are mistreated.

However, sensations do not lie and it is them that we must use to identify this invalidation. When it happens, no matter how accustomed you are to receiving it, no matter how much you are unable to defend yourself, you will feel that something is not right. But also, You can use the following keys to corroborate that feeling you have.

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Invalidate your emotions

This type of behavior is one of the most common. It consists of belittling and downplaying the emotions that the couple experiences in certain circumstances. The person can claim that the other is exaggerated, that he is crazy and that ultimately there is no room for what he feels.

Generally, this type of invalidation It is usually used during couples’ arguments to downplay the other’s arguments and leave them powerless. If he is exaggerated, if he is crazy… there is no need to listen to him, take him into account or take any responsibility for how he feels. A very commonly used strategy by egocentric and narcissistic people.

But it is also possible that it happens with issues that have nothing to do with the couple. When sharing with your partner how you feel about a work, family or friendship-related matter He or she may downplay it, ignore it, and avoid offering to listen or help you.

Disregard your opinions

Does your partner frequently make you feel like you don’t know, that you don’t understand, that you’re not right? No matter what the issue is, you never seem to have the knowledge or experience to give an opinion. Everything you say about it is refuted, ignored or undervalued and your partner does not hesitate to make you feel ignorant, both in public and in the private sphere.

These behaviors are a flagrant lack of respect that should have no place in an emotional relationship. Well, Its effect on self-esteem can be devastating. Furthermore, it establishes an imbalance in the relationship whereby one is always in a superior position (intellectually or morally speaking) with respect to the other.

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Rejects and judges you

Sometimes invalidation is directed more directly at who you are as a person, both physically and psychologically. Certain people attack their partner’s image, their style of dress, their personality traits, values and convictions, making it appear that they are neither appropriate nor acceptable.

If your partner constantly judges you, wants to change you, and makes you feel guilty about how you look, think, feel, or actis openly invalidating you.

What to do after detecting if your partner invalidates you?

The difficult thing is not so much to detect if your partner invalidates you, but to assume that he does. Often the signs are clear, but we refuse to see them out of fear, dependence, or insecurity. If you feel identified with the previous points, do not continue allowing that dynamic.

Always keep in mind that all human beings are valid and deserve to be accepted, especially by those who chose us to share life with. Set limits on disrespect before repetition convinces you, too, that you are inappropriate.