Keys to be more grateful

Gratitude is understood as an affective state resulting from the perception of having been benefited by an external agent. A benefit that we have achieved thanks to someone’s generosity. It is not common to feel grateful when we have been charged for doing us a favor.

The experience of gratitude is highly conditioned by the attributions we make as a result of two processes (Emmons and McCullough, 2003):

Recognize that one has obtained a positive, pleasant and beneficial result. Recognize that there is an external contribution that has made that result possible.

As we observe, the object of gratitude tends to be outside of us: people, nature, God, animals, the cosmos, etc. We receive and reciprocate with gratitude for those small and beautiful details that life offers us through different means and forms.

Benefits of gratitude

Gratitude is a double reward for those who feel it. Not only does he benefit from the object of gratitude, but also from feeling it. Let’s examine some of the benefits it provides us:

It makes us prosocial. Gratitude increases our efforts to help someone even when those efforts are costly.Improve our romantic relationships. Gratitude in interactions predicts increases in relationship connectedness and produces satisfaction for both the recipient and the benefactor.It enhances sleep quality. Gratitude predicts greater quality and duration of our sleep.Benefits our relationships. Being the target of gratitude predicts one’s relational growth with the person expressing gratitude.Positively affects our mental health. Research has found that greater gratitude was linked to a lower risk of depression and anxiety.Gratitude can help satisfaction and happiness in our lives. “When we feel gratitude, we benefit from the pleasant memory of a positive event in our life.” (Seligman, 2016).

Keys to increase gratitude

The benefits previously examined are a good reason to be more grateful. With this in mind, we will provide some keys and activities that can help you increase this feeling.

Gratitude letter

This exercise was proposed by Seligman (2003) and consists of the following: write a letter to a person for whom you feel grateful, but to whom you have never been able to express it, and give it to them.

In research conducted by Seligman, et al. (2005) it was found that a week after the thank you letter was written and delivered, people felt happier and less depressed. The positive changes generated lasted a month.

The interesting thing about the exercise is that you introspect and focus on what is valuable that others have done for you. This meditation will make you aware of those details that have positively impacted your life.. It will help you appreciate that not everything is bad and that there have been people who have left a beautiful mark on you.

count blessings

Focus your attention on the aspects of life you can be grateful for and write them down. Then reflect on how they make you feel and why you should be grateful for them.

This exercise can easily lead to a journal in which you write down everything for which you have experienced gratitude. The important thing would be to generate awareness of those elements that inspire that gratitude.

A surprise in every corner

This activity, created by Sevilla (sf), is designed for you to do with your partner or someone you live with daily. Find a time during the day to reflect on something you liked about the person to whom you want to show gratitude.. Write down what you thought and let him know how much you value what he has done and how grateful you are.

Date the writing and hide it somewhere among your things, so that you can find it at any time: in a sock, in your wallet or in a pocket. In the best of cases, the person will feel happy about your gesture; In the worst of them, as long as I don’t find it, you will be the beneficiary, for having shared your gratitude.

Top ten to be more grateful

Robert Emmons (2007) offers ten recommendations so that we do not forget and keep all that set of value that gratitude brings us.

1. Keep a gratitude journal

It will permit you cultivate gratitude by reminding yourself daily of the gifts, the blessings and good things that have happened to you and that you have enjoyed. “When we are grateful, we affirm that there is a source of goodness in our lives” (p.189).

2. Remember the bad

In life not everything is good, there are bad and unfortunate things that lead you to perceive the worst. These negative moments that you have overcome allow you to remember how difficult those times used to be and how far you have come.

3. Ask yourself three questions

What have I received from _____? What things have I given to _______? What problems and difficulties have I caused?

The first question focuses attention on what you have received from life, nature and people. The second question focuses you on what you have given and helps you perceive how connected you are to others. The third allows you to discern the damage you have caused and think about how not to repeat it again.

4. Learn prayers of gratitude

Express some words of gratitude for what happens to you. It does not necessarily consist of a religious prayer, it can be of any type, but one that expresses gratitude.

5. Recover your senses

Focus on perceptions, become aware of the world around you. Enjoy the aroma of a perfume, the sunset, the melody of a song, the caresses of your loved ones.

The senses remind you that you are alive in a stimulating world. “Through our senses, we gain an appreciation of what it means to be human, of the incredible miracle it is to be alive.” (p.198).

6. Use visual reminders

Write short prayers of gratitude on sticky notes and post them where you can constantly see them. This will help you not forget that there are reasons to be grateful and things to be grateful for.

7. Make a vow to practice gratitude

Make a vote on a behavior increases the probability that you will end up executing it. It is important that you can write it down and that you paste it in a place where you can see it. You can also share it with someone.

Some vows could be: “I promise not to take so many things in my life for granted,” “I promise to pause and count my blessings at least once a day,” “I promise to express gratitude to someone who has been influential in my life.”

8. Watch your language

Words influence what you think and they help you build the interpretations you make about your life. That is why it is important that you use expressions of gratitude that allow you to appreciate the world as a place to feel gratitude for.

9. Make gratitude movements

These movements refer to the act of writing letters, keeping a gratitude journal, or saying thank you. The purpose of this is to help you shape the feeling of gratitude.

10. Think outside the box

Consists in get out of the comfort zone and look for new situations in which you can feel grateful. You can take a walk to admire a different facet of nature, try different food, explore other ways to have fun. The idea is that you venture into different and new circumstances.

It is important to highlight that to increase our gratitude it is necessary to be aware of what we are grateful for. Our daily lives are consumed by routine, work and the multiple tasks we perform, and we do not stop to become aware of our place in the world and what is happening to us here and now.

Awakening this awareness is the first step to being grateful, because without it, how will we notice what we are grateful for? Being aware and remembering what life has given us are the main ingredients to be grateful.

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