Does coming home mean going back?

Leaving home is a great moment. The feeling of freedom and the highest level of autonomy is one of the most exciting sensations that exist. When we leave the nest, a whole world of unexplored responsibilities, situations and experiences opens up. Little by little we begin to tolerate uncertainty, we learn from mistakes and we organize and plan the weeks, months and quarters better.

The plans and sensations that we will experience will gain more or less strength depending on age, personality and life stage. If emancipation comes from moving to study far from home, having just come of age, independence and the feeling of “freedom” will surely be more important. If the experience comes with the commitment to work and the responsibility of renting, we will value the organization and responsibilities for our daily lives more.

However, if once all this has passed our plans go awry and we find ourselves in the position of returning to our parents’ house, is the return easy? What is it like to adapt to something that we had already forgotten?

“You may be surprised to hear this, but there is no such thing as failure. “Failure is simply someone’s opinion about how certain things should be done.”

-Wayne Dyer-

Those who arrive: Return to the (un)known

When we return to what was once our home, The first thing to keep in mind in this situation is the importance of empathy. Since experiencing this situation can be complicated.

Once we have acquired routines outside the family roof, our way of understanding the world and relating to ourselves undergoes modifications. The ideal is that we not only take into account our needs, our discomfort, guilt or shame. Taking a moment to put ourselves in the shoes of our family members will be very necessary. to find balance in coexistence.

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When we leave the nest, not only our routines, priorities and thoughts change. Those of those we leave behind too. It is important to maintain temperance and understanding in a period of adaptation in which to understand our parents; Letting them know can avoid many situations of accumulated tension. Therefore:

Transmit confidence in communication and the exchange of opinions. Understand that we have altered a dynamic that was already considered stable. Negotiate balanced schedules and rules. Rigidity and structure can be positive, respect it.Remember that they are your parents/relatives, not roommates.Reduce our levels of irritability (if there are any) thinking that the family is not to blame for the situation. Not only see ourselves as “a situation” but learn that we are thoughts, emotions and behaviors.Share moments with family.Put into practice problem-solving techniques to resolve conflict outside the family. That will empower me in the reconstruction process.

“He who, by returning to the old path, learns the new, can consider himself a master.”
-Confucius-

Those who receive: My house, my rules?

When a child who has been emancipated returns home, someone returns who has become accustomed to routines and a way of relating that is very different from the one he or she had before leaving. There are elementary changes (such as economic ones) but it is also necessary to adapt psychologically.

Although it is a process of helping our child or family member, there are details that we must take into account when it comes to achieving a coexistence adapted to the new situation. The clearer the priorities, the better the new situation will work.

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Keep in mind that the role of child is different for everyone.Negotiate and establish tasks and rules of coexistence.Speak clearly with our child or family member. The fact that they have gone through a difficult experience does not mean that we should establish a situation of prolonged overprotection. Days after they have settled in our home, consider the future and know the planning to make everyone understand that it is a temporary situation.Do not neglect your own needs and routines.Do not talk exclusively about independence or personal crisis. Look for moments of psychological restReduce the emotionality expressed.

As we see, Returning to the place of origin is a process of support and understanding by the parties involved. A moment in which the predisposition to communication, understanding and tenderness will avoid hardening something that is already complex and arid.