Jealousy – technique to reduce

The image of jealousy is of an animal with hooked claws, with sharp claws, ready to grab prey. It’s not a very pretty image, much less an image of love. This is the picture. But how can we define jealousy? And more: how can we overcome jealousy?

Thinking that the other person I’m in a relationship with is mine – that’s what defines jealousy. Jealousy is possession, based on the idea that (he or she) is (mine or mine). Well, the other person is not yours. The other person is another person, it is not an object that you can have, like you have a room, a cell phone, a computer…

But we thought:

This cell is mine.

This room is mine.

This computer is mine.

This is my boyfriend.

This is my girlfriend.

I see how many good relationships, which could last a lifetime and happily, end up because of this idea and this feeling of ownership.

After all: do you own your boyfriend? Do you own your girlfriend?

If you die, the person will not be in your will, as your car or house may be… in other words, the other person is not yours!

And how to end this feeling? With these ideas?

For some people it may not even be easy to end their own jealousy. For these, it may be necessary to carry out psychotherapy with a trusted psychologist.

For others, you can begin to be aware of these factors mentioned above.

“People independent of you” – as Fernando Pessoa tells us. Yes, the others are people who are independent of me, also with dreams, desires, feelings, wishes…

Read Also: Detach: Talita Boros – Universal Sheet

Another characteristic of jealousy is wanting to control. (It’s also based on the idea that the other person is my possession, so – like a tamed dog – has to act as I want.)

We can influence other people’s behavior. Some lines of American psychology, such as behaviorism, study ways and methods to do this. The use can be fantastic as helping autistic people to develop speech (influencing their verbal behavior).

But, ultimately, it is not possible to fully control the other. There is a dimension that makes precisely this impossible. It’s just that each of us has an inner world—what behaviorists call covert (verbal) behavior.

Yes, see a person in front of you, silent. How are you going to control what she is thinking (silently)? How are you going to know what she’s thinking, feeling, wanting?

Yes, you can’t tell. You can’t control it, can you?

So, how do you stop this urge to control your boyfriend or girlfriend’s behavior?

If you can’t control what she thinks or feels (much less than you could control what she does or doesn’t do)… how do you get rid of this jealousy trait?

Simple: remember this phrase: “Give those you love: wings to fly, roots to return and reasons to stay”….

Instead of creating the image of claws that grab any object, create for your love the possibility of flying, of being free, of thinking and feeling like a real human being (and not like an object that is your possession), and … so … if the person comes back, he will have reasons to come back … and come back … and come back …