It’s not the same to be alone than to feel alone

Fact Checked

Under review

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably felt, or are feeling, alone. Therefore, you will know that feeling is not the same as being, that desired or sought loneliness is not the same as imposed or uncontrolled loneliness.

We live in a time when we’re suffering a series of changes that lead us to be more alone: population aging, changes in social relationships, increase in single-parent families, increase in the number of people who want to live alone or social demands that imply isolation. However, being alone is not the same as feeling alone.

Loneliness does not imply that there is objective social isolation. According to some authors, loneliness has an emotional component, since it is an unpleasant experience, apart from the cognitive component through which a decrease in social relationships is perceived or that they are inadequate.

It has been seen that the feeling of loneliness is better predicted by the level of subjective satisfaction in relationships than by the frequency of contact.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness can be defined in different ways depending on what causes that situation or sensation:

Being alone: in this case, the person is physically alone; She may be lonely, but she doesn’t experience feelings of loneliness.. This state can be voluntary, and you can choose it because you may prefer to be alone rather than with other people. That is, it is social isolation by choice.Loneliness: in this state, the person experiences the need or desire to contact others, but is unable to do so. Perhaps the conditions would allow such social contact, but the person feels a certain insecurity, causing or contributing to loneliness. In addition, feelings of uselessness, rejection, lack of spirit, hypoactivity, poor eye contact are experienced… That is, isolation is not by choice, but by not feeling capable.Positive loneliness: sometimes people they need to spend time alone as a way to rest; In these cases, solitude is pleasant. It feels like an opportunity to recharge your batteries, to promote creativity and to connect with yourself.Alienation: in a more extreme case of loneliness, The person feels an inner void that separates them from their own identity. It is as if the person disconnects from himself, which leads him to disconnect from others.

Read Also: The difference between wanting and loving explained by The Little Prince

How does feeling alone affect you?

Feeling alone is a very unpleasant sensation that it can invade us despite being surrounded by people who care about us, but anything else can be a more serious problem. In fact, it may be a disorder that is generally not given enough attention.

Those who suffer from it do not usually communicate it, or even admit that it is the origin of their mood. It is difficult to recognize and accept that feeling of loneliness when it is unwanted because generates feelings of shame and, especially, difficulty in overcoming it.

The main complication of feeling alone is that usually, When you feel like this, you don’t go looking for specialized help.; Those who feel it do not treat it as something pathological, but as a normal characteristic of life.

Regarding its consequences, beyond the emotional ones, the feeling of loneliness has been considered a risk factor for morbidity and mortality. That is, for pathologies that can be fatal or really harmful.

Between them, Loneliness has been linked to alterations in physical health. Specifically, with cardiovascular diseases, eating disorders or sleep disorders. In terms of mental health, loneliness is related to an increase in depression, alcohol and other drug abuse, and even suicide.

How can it be solved?

Although it is very difficult to accept the feeling of loneliness and, even more so, to remedy it, You can try to change the perception you have towards loneliness.

First of all, the origin of that sensation would have to be identified and one way may be to consider what it would take for you to stop feeling that way. Once the reasons are identified, we should think about what can be done to solve it. Improve social skills? Find new friends? Do group activities?

Read Also: What is narcissism? Definition and characteristics

A recommendation could be invest time in helping others; for example, through volunteering. This task can increase the feeling of usefulness to other people, thinking that our presence is important to others. It is important to stay busy to try to think about other matters and reduce the time spent thinking about loneliness.

Another option is to start activities that are carried out in groups. Sign up for dance classes, painting classes, reading clubs… It is a way to enjoy time and, at the same time, make new contacts and invest time in company.

In addition, today we have the option of making contacts online. There are many platforms to meet new people based on our personal needs and tastes. Definitely, look for the option that best suits our needs and tastesbut above all try to cover the emptiness felt, without fear of assuming it.