It is better alone than in bad company

The social pressure that women suffer to get married is enormous. And it is only the first of them. Then the social and family pressure will come for us to have children and found a happy family. Declaring publicly at Christmas dinner that we don’t want to have a partner or that we don’t want to have babies immediately unleashes a large-scale scandal among our loved ones.

“You’re going to be alone” It is the typical threat that makes us desperately seek a partner in a world made by and for couples, in a society that believes that if you don’t find your better half, you have failed in life.

We can’t give our hearts to the first one that comes around the corner. We can’t fall in love like crazy nor jump into the void without a parachute: the best way to take care of yourself is to choose well who we want in our lives. Let’s be more selective.

Remember: no one forces you to be in a relationship

Why do they pressure us to be in a relationship? Most do not think about our need, our desires, our happiness: they want to see us comply with the steps that our patriarchal culture imposes on us so that we adapt to the traditional role of women.

However, nowadays it is not easy to pair up and It is very difficult to find a partner who works on their patriarchies to be able to build an egalitarian, healthy, and beautiful relationship.

We We have spent years working on patriarchies to suffer less, enjoy sex and love more and build relationships in which we can feel free and do not lose our autonomy.

The distance between the work that men and women are doing is enormous.

We have attended conferences for a long time, trained in workshops, attended conferences and talks, participated in assemblies, devoured books and blogs on the subject… They They’re just beginning to question themselves to analyze patriarchal masculinity, and to imagine other possible ways of being men.

Many men have not even started the job: some are in positions of denial and resistance to change. They feel that, as we advance, they lose rights, when in reality they only lose privileges. Here many questions arise:

Why do you barely meet men who want to build equal relationships? Because they are very few. They do exist, but they are few. Where are those men who do work for them? It is not easy to find them.What to do in the face of this bleak panorama? Is it worth it to put your energy into educating one, or several, in guiding them on the path to liberation from patriarchy? Do we really have energy and time, desire and will to educate men who have no interest in growing up, change, evolve, deconstruct and reinvent? What is the cost of trying to improve a man who, in the best of cases, allows himself to be led by the hand towards that change? Wouldn’t it be better to put energy into take care of ourselves, in resisting, in moving forward, to evolve in order to live a better life?

Pair up with someone who is up to the task

No one is doing our job: each of us is applying feminism to our lives with the tools we make along the way, and it’s not an easy road.

when we make the decision to pair ourselves only with people of stature, that speaks our language, that vibrates in our frequency, when we decide to be more selective and meet only with men who work for it, then it is much more difficult for us to pair up.

The solution is not settle for what is and resign ourselves to the idea that we are not going to find an equal partner and be less demanding when it comes to partnering.

I think we have to keep moving forward, not stop to wait for them: they are the ones who have to take the plunge, dare, get out of their comfort zone, and adapt to the social, sexual, and emotional changes that are coming.

If they don’t want to move forward on the path to equality and equal relationships, let them stay behind. We are Better without a partner than in bad company.