Is this love real or am I living an illusion?

When you start dating someone everything is wonderful and fantastic. However, As time goes by, we get to know the person next to us more in depth. It is then that we also begin to discover if we really like him and love him as he is or, on the contrary, if we were living an illusion.

It is normal to form an image of a person we have just met, especially when it comes to starting a relationship with enthusiasm and to which we put all our enthusiasm. Certain characteristics, attitudes and personality traits are attributed to him based on the little we know. and what we would like it to be.

Setting expectations is inevitable, but disappointment can be great. And it is that, In love, if something should be a priority, it is accepting the other just as it is. With its virtues and its defects.

Idealization of the couple and the relationship

Idealizing your partner is part of the process of falling in love, which in our culture and society is the first step to having a romantic relationship. When we meet someone we are attracted to and has some of the characteristics we want in a partner, andIt is inevitable to attribute other positive characteristics to it. Thus, in the end, in a certain way we will see in it what we would like to see.

All the illusion becomes that person who seems so wonderful and that also transfers to the relationship. We will tend to think that the relationship is going to be great and we create an illusion. We pour all our hope into that person and into what is being built and, thus, based on that, we establish an emotional bond with that person.

Over time, deidealization fades as we get to know the partner better.. We encounter reality: their intimacy, their reactions to different circumstances, their character, their thinking on important matters… This, if the illusion, and the expectations, that we made differ greatly, can cause a real crisis in the relationship.

At this point, if that person doesn’t fit, it would be time to end the relationship. However, sometimes the desires and feelings are so great that we even refuse to see reality.. We try to mold the person according to our idea, or we will simply only look for confirmations of how ideal he is.

Accept and love

When the true identity of the couple is revealed, if they decide to continue with the relationship, two things can happen. One that Let’s tolerate and let go of those traits and attitudes that we don’t like, simply to take care of the illusion. and maintain what had excited us so much. Another, that we really accept what the other person is, and precisely for that reason, we love them.

This option is much more difficult, since it requires effort and perseverance. Accepting others as they are unconditionally is a difficult decision., at the same time wonderful. She accepts him without expecting him to change, without complaints, with her principles, physique, way of seeing life… It is only under those conditions that she truly loves herself.

In this sense, there is no need to confuse. If something doesn’t fit us enough to shake our life, our identity and our rights, unconditionally accepting should not be an option. Thus, in the process of deidealization of the couple is when we have to assess the weight and importance of those who do not fit both with what we had planned and expected. Above all, those aspects that can end up being a problem in the long term.

The honesty

In short, loving and getting rid of the illusion we had created is an exercise in honesty. Be honest, especially with yourself, think about what we need, what we expect from a relationship. and if what we have really is capable of making us happy. And, only then, decide to build something beyond the illusion or not.

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