Invisible emotional manipulation

From one day to the next, that charming and attentive person has become someone demanding and unpleasant. What has happened? She knows invisible emotional manipulation.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

When we observe the relationships of others from the outside, it is easy for us to identify if one is using tricks. to manage the other. However, from within the bond, invisible emotional manipulation is not always so easy to detect.

Manipulation is a two-phase process that begins invisibly. No one would establish a relationship of any kind with someone who, from the first moment, insults them, humiliates them or makes them uncomfortable. The manipulator weaves a spider web in which he wraps the victim and it is not until he has trapped her that he shows her true face.

The deficiencies at the base of invisible emotional manipulation

It must be taken into account that not all manipulation is carried out consciously and deliberately. Some people, due to their own shortcomings, feel the need to ensure the loyalty and dependence of others on them. To achieve this, they unconsciously perform certain manipulative actions. These behaviors can come from childhood, where they were developed as a defense mechanism, and are still in force.

Many times the manipulator is not aware that he is one. These are selfish people who pursue a single goal: achieving their goals, alleviating their fears, filling their shortcomings by using other people to do so. Obviously this in no way justifies their actions or diminishes their seriousness; the psychological damage it can cause to the other party is overwhelming.

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On the other hand, the victim’s shortcomings and her own personal history also make her more vulnerable to this type of manipulative relationship. Low self-esteem and an inability to set limits puts us in a dangerous position in which, without realizing it, we can end up falling into emotional dependence.

The phases of invisible emotional manipulation

Catchment

At first the manipulator approaches the victim displaying all his charms and qualities. He only shows his virtues and achievements, so that the other person perceives him as successful and generates a feeling of admiration. In addition, he begins to study the psychological profile of the other, to detect their weak points to offer unconditional support for them.

He is attentive and helpful, flatters the victim and offers constant reinforcement. In a gradual and almost undetectable way, he becomes indispensable to her.. An unbalanced relationship is established in which the first is shown as an admirable individual full of virtues who appears to save the second from his difficulties.

Without realizing it, The victim’s self-esteem and emotional independence decrease as admiration and need for the manipulator increase.. They have fallen into the networks.

Changing roles

In this second phase the manipulator feels sure of the need and dependency that he has generated in the other, so he begins to show his true intentions. If before he showed himself as someone happy and successful, suddenly he becomes a negative and problematic person who requires constant attention and support.

You begin to inundate the other person with your personal difficulties, demands and requirements. Emotional blackmail, guilt, and threats are some of the most commonly used strategies. At the same time, the levels of support and affection professed to the victim decrease to a minimum and they begin to feel great discomfort in the interaction.

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Nevertheless, The low self-esteem and dependency that have been generated prevent the manipulator from setting limits. The fear of him getting angry, rejecting you or withdrawing his affection is greater. In this way, one remains in a relationship of invisible power and control, wondering what has happened for everything to change and without detecting that manipulation has occurred.

How to avoid manipulation

As we have seen, manipulation is a prolonged process and difficult to detect at first. If we want to avoid being involved in a relationship of this type, we must be alert: Let’s avoid idealizing people and be suspicious when someone is excessively solicitous and involved from the first moment.

Likewise Let’s work on our self-esteem and our emotional independence, never give up our personal power to any other person.. And above all, let’s listen to our emotions: if a relationship has become unpleasant, if it only brings you pain, take care of yourself and get out of that place.