I’ll be happy if, only if…

“You shouldn’t ask for events to happen as you want, but you should want them as they happen: that way your life will be happy” (Epithet)

Hello friends!

Epictetus was one of those geniuses of humanity who, like Socrates and many others, did not write what he thought. We owe to his disciples, the preservation of his thought, like the historian Arriamo, who compiled his wisdom, in the books Entertainments and Manual.

One of Epictetus’ greatest concerns, more than true knowledge, was happiness. After all, we can accumulate a large number of philosophical or scientific or theological knowledge, with a high degree of truth, and continue, however, without happiness.

Epictetus’ genius was to make the Copernican revolution, before Kant, and turn his gaze to the subject. And when we start to do so, our way of looking at life and happiness is transformed.

Regardless of social class, cultural background, beliefs about the afterlife, most of us link happiness to what happens in the external world, outside of us. What changes is the object of desire, but the fact of having a desire (for change or a goal) is identical in the adult, in the elderly, in the child.

“I will be happy if, only if…”

A child, just before Christmas, thinks: “I will be happy if I get my bicycle”. Seeing this scene, we may think that a bicycle is something interesting, however, we can see that the child’s life will not change, whether or not he has a bicycle. Of course, if she wins, she can walk and feel happy for a few months. After a while, it will be one more toy on the toy list.

What we don’t see so easily is that we continue in the same process. What changes are the objects or circumstances necessary to change the sentence:

“I will be happy if, only if…”

If I get a girlfriend, if I pass the entrance exam, if I earn more money, if I have more friends, if I manage to buy this outfit, this house, this apartment, this car, take this trip… in short, the object of desire changes from the bicycle to something else, but the structure of thinking about what it is to be happy remains unchanged.

So your life will be happy

Epictetus, contradicting this type of logic of happiness, said, according to Arriamo, the following:

“You shouldn’t ask for events to happen as you want, but you should want them as they happen: that way your life will be happy” (Epithet)

To fully understand this thinking, we have to take a step back and understand Epictetus’ idea that there are things we can control and things we cannot control. Since we can change our way of thinking if we want to, we can control our thoughts. We can agree or disagree with the philosopher, for example.

But not even the most billionaire guy in the world will be able to control all the events in his life. Maybe he can be more comfortable, however, the most billionaire will certainly have to face – on a daily basis – situations that are not under his control.

Whether the stock market is down or up is not in your control. If other people really love you or if it’s raining or shining, if you have the flu or not, in short, millions of situations that even the richest person will not be able to control.

Knowing this, it’s somewhat childish to want all moments and circumstances to be as we want, right?

So, we can see that the greater the distance between desire and reality, the greater the frustration.

If a person wakes up and notices only and only what is not in accordance with his desire, he will have a miserable day. He will complain about this, he will complain about that and the other. In this case, the distance between what this person wants and what happens is great. Therefore, happiness will not be great, if any.

Now, if, on the contrary, events that do not depend on individual control are close to what is wanted, there will be more happiness. If it’s raining, it’s raining. What’s the use of sulking like a two-year-old? If it’s hot, it’s hot. If it’s cold, it’s cold.

Conclusion

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a bike or anything else. The desire, the willingness to want change and improvement, is healthy. However, this does not contradict Epictetus’s logic of happiness, since it is one thing to want change and improvement and another to place happiness only in the future, and in a certain event.

Because by putting happiness in the framework “if, only if that happens, I will be happy”, we leave happiness in the future. As we know, the future is something that does not exist. Something that might happen, but might as well not happen. In any case, being happy in the future is impossible and not infrequently when achieving the goal that would be the achievement of happiness, another goal instantly arises. “I got this, great! I’m happy. But I will be more if, only if that other happens…”

Related