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I want more than taking your clothes off in one of these late nights

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I want more than taking your clothes off in one of these late nights, I want to undress your soul and understand where the mystery of those eyes comes from that take away all my calm.

I want to know you in a way that no one has ever known before. Spend a whole day with you, analyzing every detail of you, all your quirks. From the way you move your hair, distracted, to your eyebrow raise, when you realize I’m going to start a fight and you’re already thinking about the best way out.

You know when you’re concentrating, reading something and biting your lips, while anxiously swinging one foot around? Or when you’re playing the guitar and you start making that face, which, without meaning to, makes me laugh without being able to hide it? That’s what I want to fix.

I want to be able to understand you, translate you, write you. I want to see the types of food you like the most, the songs you listen to when you’re alone, the books you take to the beach and end up not even taking out of your suitcase; those things that seem cliché, but deep down, say a lot about you.

I’m not satisfied with one night and nothing more, it’s so fleeting. I have a huge desire to meet you, but not superficially, as we know each other at a party, talking about all existing futility and laughing even without finding it so funny, that everyone does. I want to understand what makes you laugh the most sincere, what makes your belly hurt from laughing so much.

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When I say to know, I mean to know to the bones, to the soul; sounds over the top, I know, and it is. But I want to be the exaggeration, to know what comes from inside you, what when it comes out is stronger than any banal conversation, everything you are when you don’t have a glass of drink in your hand and wearing your best shirt. to leave in vain.

I want to know what you use to sleep, how many pillows you need to be comfortable. I want to know if you prefer hot coffee or iced tea. I want to see how your hair gets messy, how your eyes sparkle when they open, to see you stretch out all full of morning sleep; I want to watch you.

An enormous desire to understand their most inane thoughts, their philosophies of life, even knowing their political opinion. Spend a sunny afternoon with you, sit in any shade out there, and talk about your childhood stories, your best and worst memories.

And after discovering you, unraveling you, diving into your entire universe, realizing that we hear this song of ours for real, in every verse. Realizing that it was something that was really worth my time, our time. That we leave a little piece of ourselves in each other, because we wanted to, to show who we are, without fear.

Knowing that we really exchanged energy in the best possible way, we went far beyond the feeling that only our skin weaves. We went into the darkness of each other’s world, with only a misplaced flashlight, and we went on clearing everything that was inside, just out of curiosity, without worrying about the weather.

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And that we are now part of each other, having shared our truths, everything we are beyond what we would be in just one night. Even if it only lasts a few hours, days, months, or years, I don’t care; because we not only take off our clothes, but we also bare our soul.

I want to make a difference in someone’s life, to be what goes beyond what everyone else sees. What’s behind that red dress dancing and drawing attention in the crowd, behind all those bodies and faces without much emotion; that to tell the truth, they are so dressed and made up with a single intention: to hide that they have a heart.

Jessica Holtz

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