I refused to take care of my sister’s children, and now the whole family calls me “selfish”

Surely, many people have already heard requests to look after the children of relatives or friends. However, in some cases, the situation can get out of control. For example, when you end up being forced to babysit, even against your will. It is not always easy to say “no” to the people we love, and when we gather the necessary courage to do so, there is a high chance that we will end up being called “cold hearted” or even “selfish”.

One of the readers of incredible.clubnamed Liza, found herself in a similar situation, and she has a message to share with us.

We, from incredible.club, we mobilized to help our reader Liza find a way to resume her relationship with her sister and parents. We reached the following conclusions:

cool your head and take a short break from communication. Heated arguments and uncontrolled emotions will only make it harder to reach an agreement with your family members. You need to remain calm and prepare for a rational conversation.Say how you feel. When you feel ready to have a peaceful conversation, talk to Amber about your feelings. Repressed negative emotions tend to affect our mental health and our relationships with others. Ask your sister to also talk openly about her feelings. Perhaps the two of you are not able to fully see what has been happening in each other’s lives. Opening up about true feelings and daily struggles will certainly help for a better mutual understanding.Use facts to support your point of view. Remind Amber that childcare work is a professional activity that people get paid for. On average, a nanny earns US$19 (R$97.50) an hour, and many even earn a tip to encourage a job well done. So, try to explain that you don’t mind distracting your nephews occasionally, you’re just not available to spend hours doing work for free.

present solutions🇧🇷 Don’t just criticize your sister for frequently asking for help. Try to think with her about other possible solutions. For example, you can help her find a good nanny, a day care center or a kindergarten where the children can spend a few hours a day.Set boundaries. From what we can gather from your message, you don’t mind spending time with your nephews. Perhaps a good idea is to establish periods when you will be available, avoiding being sought after to work as a nanny over endless shifts. For example, try saying that you’d love to take the kids to the park for a few hours every other Saturday.Talk to her more about your own life. As a single mom, maybe Amber doesn’t even have time to think about what’s going on in her life. Tell in detail about the things you have to do and the places you need to go during an average day. So she will certainly think twice before asking you to babysit.

spend some time with Amber, like they used to. Now you’re adults, so you can have fun together by going shopping, or seeing a movie and reminiscing about old times. This will certainly strengthen the connection between you, taking the pressure off. After you make amends with Amber, you can talk to your parents and discuss the solutions you found to resolve the situation.

We hope this helps and helps you and your sister get along better.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? After an argument with relatives, what do you usually do to overcome disagreements? Comment!