I just wanted you to miss me too

Last week, I erased the last of the last vestiges of you I had in my life.

All I have left is a singular photograph to remind me of the last time I felt complete.

It’s strange to think that someone who was once nothing more than a fleeting smile on a crowded bus could become one of the most meaningful parts of my life.

How can you go from coy gazes to secrets exposed so naked, none of us could bear their weight?

I can’t help but wonder what you’ve been up to on vacation.

Last Christmas, I didn’t realize that one of my biggest gifts that year would be you.

I never thought that a few words sent without the expectation of getting a reply back would have led to all this.

Maybe you are spending your days with someone else.

Or maybe you’re spending them wishing you were somewhere else.

Sometimes it’s really painful to know that I’ll never have the answers to these questions.

And I really think there are some things we’re better off not knowing.

You are certainly not one of those things.

I don’t think I can go to the park and admire the beauty of a cold São Paulo night anymore without the memory of you haunting me.

I can no longer look at the couples walking hand in hand and not feel a twinge of pain, because this time and always from this moment on, you won’t be here.

Maybe you’re all these miles away thinking the exact same things, and maybe we’re closer to each other than any of us realize.

Or maybe not.

Maybe you walked away and took all the memories with you.

Maybe you left without looking back.

And maybe I’m the only one who can’t move on.

There are days when I convince myself that there must be a reason I’m so dependent on what we had.

And others, I remember what we had was never really anything.

How can you miss someone you never had?

Or maybe our definition of relationship needs to change because what would you call something between two people who felt so separate every time they were together?

I just wanted you to miss me too.

SEE TOO:

I miss!