“I have left my partner but I’m not sure”: Guide to clarify

I have ended my relationship, but how do I know if I have made the right decision?

Should I stay and try to work things out?

We have all asked ourselves these kinds of questions at some point in our lives.

Relationships are complicated, and there is often no easy solution to breakups.

So, what to do? If you’re still not clear on how you feel, don’t worry.

It may be that part of what you feel is the product of loving duel.

Here I will tell you how to know if you are going through the duel.

And I will guide you to discover if you have made the right decision.

Especially if you still have feelings for your ex.

I have left my partner but I am not sure. Do I regret it or not?

The psychologist Gabriel Rolón affirms that,

“Destroying a bond of love is very easy, the hard part is letting go.”

What does rolon mean? That it is not difficult to achieve a couple breakup.

The difficult thing is to accept it and understand that this relationship is no longer part of our life.

This is why, after ending a relationship, it is normal to have doubts about whether you made the right decision.

You wonder if maybe you could have done something differently, if you could have saved the relationship…

But you must admit the obvious: you will never know for sure if you did the right thing.

Because? Because no one can predict the future.

But what you do know is that you made a decision based on what you thought was best for you at the time.

That is, you prioritized what you needed. And that is what counts.

Because if you don’t put yourself first when looking for your well-being, how can you pretend to be well?

What to do if I have doubts

The important thing is not to let doubt consume you.

Don’t blame yourself for making a difficult decision.

Instead, take time to reflect on what you want in life and in a relationship.

Sometimes making a difficult decision is what leads to long-term happiness.

It’s easy to get caught up in nostalgia and happy memories of a past relationship.

But it’s important to remember why you made the decision to finish in the first place. Don’t allow yourself to go back on a relationship that made you unhappy.

Instead, make an effort to move on and find something better.

Do not give up, what you are experiencing may be just a phase of the loving duel.

Phases of the loving duel of the dumper

Part of the doubts that you are having may be the product of a loving duel.

Believe it or not, whoever decides to break the relationship must also go through a duel.

That is, you can go through different emotional stages until you accept your new life.

Here I detail them:

1) Denial

The process of breaking up in a relationship begins long before the final decision is made.

Surely when you were in a relationship you had difficulties in the relationship.

But you resisted accepting them or dealing with them in any way.

You decided to bear the suffering in silence and you acted as if nothing happened.

Not only because it was difficult for you to face the situation of a possible breakup, but also to protect your partner from suffering.

This situation often occurs in couples who have been together for a long time.

And it is a phase that can be prolonged in time.

Since whoever has doubts in the relationship must face an intense and painful inner journey.

Until one of the two makes a decision.

2) Anger or guilt

Once the decision is made, there are two possible paths for the dumper.

Anger with yourself, or feeling relief.

If you feel anger, you may blame yourself for not being able to prevent the end of the relationship.

Or for not being able to avoid causing pain, both to your ex and to yourself.

But remember: every couple is built and broken in pairs.

There are no victims and perpetrators, something pushed them to reach this break. Do not blame yourself.

3) Relief

After ending a difficult relationship, you may feel a sense of relief.

If so, you may have felt trapped or unhappy during the relationship.

A study published in the National Library of Medicine states that,

«The tension of those who are not well in the relationship arises when the obligations that must be carried out in the couple become difficult to fulfill. A breakup, then, can relieve stress, at least in some cases.”

Think about how you felt during your relationship, was it easy for you to be in it from day to day?

This may be one of the many reasons why you may feel lighter after the breakup.

4) Negotiation

In this phase, you may be looking to bond in some way with your ex.

Here are the typical situations in which they want to be friends, for example.

The important thing is not that you want to negotiate with your ex, but with yourself.

You convince yourself that the best thing could be to somehow rebuild the bond.

Either by children in common or relatives or friends.

Or perhaps for the mere fact of not wanting to break the routine of having that person in your life.

This stage is dangerous, because it can deepen the wound of both.

Since there could be situations in which, without the intention of doing it on purpose, you end up disrespecting your ex.

You must understand that your ex is also going through a loving duel.

These negotiations will only make them more hurt and confused.

5) Sadness and regret

Even though you may have felt relief at breaking up, you may be going through a period of sadness.

Or, you may even feel regret and blame yourself for everything that happened.

Perhaps you think that you have missed something important in your life by not being in a relationship.

Or maybe you have doubts because you feel alone or abandoned.

In this situation, ask yourself:

Do I really regret it or am I having trouble adjusting to my new life?

6) Self-reflection and personal growth

After ending a relationship, you will have more time to focus on yourself.

And put your objectives and goals first.

It can be a time to discover new things about yourself.

In addition to learning from the experience of the past relationship.

It is a great moment to understand what happened in the relationship.

And what do you need for your next loving bond.

Asking, what have I learned from what I lived with my ex-partner?

What do I need so that this scenario does not repeat itself?

This process is good to do also through writing.

Writing about how you feel and what makes you think will help give you answers.

Write without filters, let off steam and try to reread it later.

I assure you that you will discover things about yourself that you did not know.

And it will help you achieve acceptance of the separation.

7) Acceptance and optimism

Finally, when you come to accept what has happened, you can move on.

And you may find a new sense of hope and optimism for the future.

You will begin to think about new opportunities and relationships that could be to come. You will feel more secure and confident in yourself and in your ability to make important decisions in your life.

Leaving your partner loving her: learn to let go

Sometimes the decision to end a relationship can be even more difficult if you still love your partner.

Even if you know the relationship isn’t working.

Since the hard part of ending a relationship is dealing with the loss.

Because you keep losing someone who was important to you.

You may feel a great emotional void, as if something is missing in your life.

And it is normal to feel sad and mourn the breakup of the relationship.

But remember, these feelings are normal.

And that it is important to process them calmly.

Accepting the break is learning to let go.

Over time, these emotions will fade and you can begin to heal.

Then what do I do?

If you still love your partner after breaking up, it’s important to keep track of why you made the decision to break up.

Remember the things that made you unhappy and the problems you faced as a couple. Do not allow nostalgia to make you return to a relationship that did not nurture you.

And much less, you feel obligated to move on just because others tell you that you should.

The decision to end a relationship is yours and yours alone.

Follow your heart and do what you feel is right for you.

At the end of the day, no one but you should live with the consequences of your decisions.

So move forward with confidence, knowing that you made a decision based on what you believed was best for you at the time.

Focus on healing and taking care of yourself, time will tell what adventures will bring you.

Remember: there is no right or wrong answer, only what is right for you.

Never regret making a difficult decision in search of your own happiness.