“I have a partner but I think of someone else” 10 questions you should ask yourself

In a perfect world, you find someone, fall head over heels in love, everything is perfect, and you commit to them for the rest of your life. And they live happily ever after.

But, we don’t live in a perfect world, or at least not in that sense.

Things are very different here on earth. And relationships, we cannot deny it, are complex.

People change, feelings change and passion is lost.

You get bored and you may find that you don’t feel the same as the years go by.

It is normal to meet other people who attract you, even if you are in a relationship.

Feelings for your partner could be strong enough to keep you by their side and on the right track.

It is normal for these things to happen.

But what if you meet someone for whom you have strong feelings that you can’t suppress?

You are not the first nor the last person to whom this will happen.

And no, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

We all have feelings and emotions that we cannot control. You can’t help how you feel about another person.

But it is worth pausing to consider what is the best thing to do next.

Is love?

It’s so easy to jump into a new relationship and fall head over heels in love. Everything is new and you will throw all those old couple problems out the window.

You feel the pleasure of letting yourself be carried away by that boy who attracts you so much and by everything new that he proposes to you. After all, you have found everything that was missing in your relationship and you feel liberated.

But do those feelings equal love? Or is it just honey?

This is a question that only you can answer, and it’s important to ask.

Here we present 10 questions that you should ask yourself if you have a partner, but think and/or are with another person:

1) Is the cheating physical, emotional or both?

The next step is to find out what this new relationship means to you.

If you are in love with this new man, as well as thinking about him, then there is no doubt that you have cheated on your partner.

It is not possible to be in love with another person without this happening.

There are people who believe that emotional cheating is not the same as physical cheating. It is true to some extent, but I think that in both cases you have to stop and think about what is happening.

When cheating is emotional, it’s not just about the sex, it’s about the connection you have when you’re together.

Do you go to sleep thinking about him?

Do they talk and do you feel like they understand you on a deeper level than anyone else?

This emotional connection that you have is dangerous. There are likely strong feelings there.

If it is purely physical, it is very likely that you are simply satisfying a need, not a want. It is not love. Just a simple fulfillment of your needs.

Think about whether there is something different that you can do within your partner so that you do not need to satisfy those needs outside.

2) Why are you interested in a new person?

Consider why you are taking an interest in someone else in the first place.

If you answered yes, then it’s more likely that you’re in love with someone new’s idea, rather than that particular person.

If you want to get to know this person better and find out who they are, then love is more likely.

3) Do you love their flaws?

If you don’t even know or care what their flaws are, then it’s safe to say that this new relationship was born out of lust and nothing more.

On the other hand, if you know all of her flaws, down to the nail biting in the bedroom, and you love her for it, then there are strong feelings there. It’s not just a person you think of apart from your partner.

4) How long have you known him?

It’s so easy to become obsessed in a short space of time.

And when it comes to matters of the heart, time really is of the essence.

If you’ve only known him for a short time, then you can take love out of the equation.

Love means getting to know a person on a deeper level than anyone else, and this takes time.

Even if you’ve been together for a long time, ask yourself if the relationship feels impulsive or stable.

If it is the former, then it is more likely that you are confusing lust with love.

5) Do you see a future?

It’s great to find a new lover who offers you everything you were missing in your partner, but do you see it as something long term?

Maybe he’s just good for now, to hang out, and not for the rest of your life.

When there are problems in the couple and we seek external support, it is easy to see the best in the new person. It’s like it has almost no flaws.

But you forget that relationships require much more than the thrill of seduction and the game of flirting.

They involve a lot more commitment as well.

Do you think this new love is up to it?

6) Where is he in life?

Another thing to consider is where your new love stands in their own life.

If you choose to be with him, then this will be a big change for you.

Do you have children of your own?

Is married?

Have you ever been married? Why or why not?

You can fall in love with the idea of ​​a person, without really loving them. Many times you know 10% of someone and infer the other 90%. It goes without saying that in general that 90% is wrong.

Find out if the two of you really are compatible, apart from the adventure you share.

This will go a long way toward sorting out your feelings and determining whether or not a relationship will last beyond the affair.

7) Do you flinch when he’s around?

Believe it or not, tremor is one of those physical signs you just can’t help it when love takes over.

Does your heart race when he’s around and make your knees go weak? As we would say in my country: “You are complicated.”

There are many other signs:

Sweaty palms Heat Rapid breathing Euphoria

When your brain is activated by love, changes are generated in the process.

Chemicals are released into your body that can cause these symptoms, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Just watch the signs and recognize what they are telling you.

8) Are you prepared to share your life with him?

Having an affair or thinking about someone else is an extremely secretive thing to deal with.

But are you really willing to share your life with him? Not just a moment of passion, but your whole life?

Are you willing to share your children, if you have them? Would you share your friendships? Would you introduce it to your family? Do you see yourself sharing your home with him?

These are all questions you need to answer to find out how you really feel about this person.

An affair is one thing, but bringing it into the rest of your life is another thing entirely that you should consider carefully.

9) Can’t stop thinking about him?

When you are at home with your partner, does your mind wander to this new person in your life?

Does the same thing happen when you go out with friends? At work? In the gym?

This is a sure sign that you are falling in love (or maybe already are).

Do you go shopping and come back with something for him too?

This suggests that it will not be easy for you to cut this person out of your life.

10) Do they share everything of themselves?

Love is about forming a deeper connection between two people.

If you stay up late every night thinking or talking to him, sharing information about your life, and being very intimate, then it is a good indication that you have a strong connection.

If you find yourself sharing things about your life that no one else knows, including your partner, then there is a level of trust in this new relationship that is not there in your current relationship.

What should you do?

Start by carefully reviewing the above signs and find out where you really stand with your lover.

If you have realized that you have a connection, but it is merely physical or a means to an end for you, then the best thing to do is end it now.

It is not worth throwing a good relationship overboard, if you really know that what you have is good.

Find out why you went astray in the first place and fix those issues within your own marriage.

If you are falling for this other person, then you need to make sure you tread carefully.

While you may have stayed away from him physically (until now), emotional cheating can be even more detrimental to your dating life.

It’s time to make tough decisions and figure out what you want.

At the end of the day, the decision is solely yours. No one else can help you do it. It is a big step that will affect the rest of your life, so you should think about it.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help in the decision-making process:

1) How will this affect your future?

Look at it from both perspectives. If you choose to stay with your partner, how do you see yourself overcoming this infidelity and putting your relationship back together?

Once they do, where do they see themselves in a few years?

Or are you considering whether to leave your partner for your new love?

Again, ask yourself where you see the two of you in five plus years.

Right now, you feel total and utter love for this new person.

But now is the time to put those feelings aside and really consider how your decision will affect you and everyone else in your life.

2) How will this affect my partner?

You chose your partner because you fell in love with him at one point. It is important to consider his feelings in all of this.

Are you okay with turning your life upside down?

Is it worth the feelings you have for this other new love?

Of course, you can’t stay in a marriage based on your history alone, it takes more than that to be happy.

You can consider that letting go also gives your partner another chance to find true love.

There is no right or wrong answer here, it’s all about considering your personal choices.

3) How will this affect your new love?

Now think about that new person you think about so much. Imagine both a life with him and one without him and how both choices could affect him.

Your feelings in this matter as well.

Consider where you are in your life and what your life together would be like if you followed this path.

It’s time to cut ties now, will he accept it and move on with his own life away from you?

What are your options?

It all comes down to 3 alternatives now and you have to consciously decide which one you will choose.

1) End the affair and work on a new relationship with your current partner

If you choose this option. You have to eliminate the new person from your life forever. It’s the only way to make it work with your current partner.

The best thing is to be honest and honest with what has happened, and then dedicate yourself to fixing your partner, if he wants the same.

2) Stay in your relationship while continuing to understand your feelings

This is often dangerous territory, as there is a high chance that your partner will find out about you. And in my opinion it’s not a nice thing to do to someone you care about. No matter how strong emotions you may feel.

You have to realize that your relationship is in jeopardy every moment that you are cheating.

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