“I don’t know if I want to go back with my ex” 12 questions to decide

Breakups hurt.

Worse still if your partner broke up with you but you are still in love with him.

Or at least you think you are.

It can be hard to accept, most of us remain in denial.

It is a natural reaction to want to fix what happened and get it back.

You think you love him. You think you can make things work. You think you can stop the pain.

The truth is that you are in a moment of great confusion and emotions, so it may be that your judgment is not the best.

So, to help you regain clarity, I bring you 12 questions to ask yourself before trying to get your ex back.

And I anticipate something important: not all relationships are worth saving.

Do I really want it back? 12 questions you should ask yourself to decide

1) Have you given yourself the time to process the relationship and the breakup?

If the answer is no, then it’s time to step back and do just that.

We all know how much breakups hurt. It’s enough to cloud anyone’s judgment.

If he just broke up with you, chances are you’re feeling a lot of mixed feelings. from surprise and anger, to feelings of rejection and pain.

It is normal. It is also normal for you to blame him for everything he is causing you.

So think about it, why do you want to go back to him?

It is for the simple reason that you believe that going back will take away the pain.

But deep down you know, there was a reason for the breakup. Even if it’s not something you agree with, it’s something you have to accept.

Over time, the pain will lessen, but you must give it time.

Returning to a relationship without real analysis and change is a band-aid solution.

The problems that were there will be repeated. And it will be to return to the vicious circle with the same result: your broken heart.

It is best to give yourself the time to grieve. Get a new perspective on everything, you may even find that you are better off without it.

Once you’ve given yourself time to process the relationship and the breakup, you’ll be in a better place to know whether or not you want to get back together.

2) Do they share the same values?

A relationship has no future if both have different values.

Of course they may have different opinions on various issues, but I mean issues that are not negotiable.

It could be one of the reasons he broke up with you in the first place, sadly it’s not something you can fix.

Our values ​​are what make us who we are and we should not change them for anyone.

For example:

You want to live traveling but he wants to settle down, He wants to have children, but you don’t, He wants a life in the country but you want the city, Marriage is important to you but not to him,

If these core values ​​don’t align, then it won’t work. It’s better to walk away now before they hurt themselves more.

3) Do you really want to come back?

If your ex has contacted you and mentioned the possibility of getting back together, it’s easy to understand why you might be tempted.

There’s something gratifying about having a guy come back, regretting hurting you. Realizing what he lost.

But, that does not mean you should or that it is the right thing to do, go back to him.

What will stop him from breaking your heart again in a few months?

Instead, pay attention to whether their words match their actions.

Do you talk to talk? Or does he really show you with actions how important you are to him?

Here you have to trust your instinct and decide if it is really what you want and whether or not you trust it.

4) Can your problems be solved?

Let’s be honest, they broke up for a reason and it’s important to find out what it was.

There are big problems and small problems and all kinds of problems in between.

Where are your problems?

Is it something you both can work on if you decide to get back together?

Differences in fundamental issues are decisive, but a disagreement, for example in the frequency with which you go out, can be worked on.

Think about what your differences are and if there is anything you can do to overcome them.

It may happen that you even realize that it is not worth changing for him. Perhaps the best thing would be to find someone who accepts you as you are. Either way, this might help you move on.

Also, think about the problems you had when you were together.

If they went one after the other, it means that there is a very deep personality clash, and it is not likely that it will be solved with time.

5) Do you miss him or miss the idea of ​​him?

It is important that you stop to think about what it is that you miss about the relationship.

Do you miss the person he was? The way he treated you. How she looked at you. The way she cared for you.

Or do you just miss being in a relationship? Some people need to be in a relationship. They seek to always be with someone and have difficulties being alone.

This is not a reason in itself to get back together with your ex.

In fact, it might be healthy for you to step away for a bit and spend some time figuring out what it is you want.

While being in a relationship is nice, it’s when we’re single that we really find ourselves.

6) Are you idealizing the relationship?

This is something we all do, you are not alone.

Idealizing the relationship is not healthy. However, it is very common.

So why do we do it?

The famous nostalgia Your brain only wants to replay the positive parts of your time together and all those darker moments are buried in the shadows.

This is our brain’s way of validating decisions we’ve made in the past, i.e. why you got together with that person in the first place.

It’s also nature’s way of keeping you in the game.

If you only remembered the bad parts, you might not want to be in a relationship again.

You don’t have to fight homesickness, it comes naturally, so accept it. But she also remembers those not so pleasant moments that they spent together.

When you see the whole picture, is the relationship still so perfect?

It’s probably a good time to move on and move on to greener pastures.

7) Has anything changed?

Sometimes relationships end because of a timing issue. In other words, the timing was not opportune.

Think about the reasons why he broke up with you in the first place:

Moving for college and not interested in a long-distance relationship? Did he get a big promotion and spend too much time at the office and not enough at home? Were you in a party stage and going out every night with your girlfriends?

And most importantly, has any of this changed since the breakup? Does it mean that now could be the opportune moment for you?

If it was a simple matter—that one or both of you weren’t focusing on the relationship, but are now ready to, it might be worth trying again.

You have to make sure what your priorities are now. If it is to be together, go ahead!

8) Is it what you really want?

It’s important to think about this question before you plunge back into a relationship.

Either with your ex or with someone new entirely.

Leaving a relationship is the perfect opportunity to take some time and reflect on what exactly it is that you want. What makes you happy.

Once you’ve taken the time for that, you’ll be able to determine whether or not your ex fits into this future that you see for yourself.

9) Do you both admit your mistakes?

Before you consider getting back with an ex, you need to know if you can make it work or not.

They both made mistakes the first time, no relationship is one-sided.

This means that both of you need to be able to recognize these flaws and be willing to work on them.

Just because you want to get back together with him and work on your problems doesn’t mean he’s willing to do the same.

In fact, he might think that he doesn’t have a problem. This is a big red light before getting back into a relationship.

10) Was it really a great relationship?

Relationships are built on much more than good sex and a few good times.

So if this is all you remember from your past relationship, it’s time to move on.

Good relationships are based on honesty, respect, understanding, trust and communication.

Go through each of these one by one and think about your relationship. Did you have those items?

You can give each one a score from 1 to 5 to find out where they ranked.

This exercise can be a good eye opener about what the relationship was really like.

11) Do you have children?

While this is never a reason to stay with someone, it is a good reason to work a little harder at trying to make things work.

Both are connected for life, whether they like it or not.

Co-parenting as an estranged couple is not a walk in the park.

And separation can be very difficult for children, too.

The truth is, children are worth the extra sacrifices that come with a relationship.

It may be worth going through your problems and determining whether the sacrifice to solve them is great or small.

Is it manageable, knowing that it will also benefit your children?

This could change your perspective on the situation.

Of course, it is not a reason why you should stay with your ex. If it doesn’t work, you can’t force it, no matter how hard you try.

12) What do your friends think?

Our friends are there for a reason. They support us when we do things well and encourage us. And then they are there to comfort us when things are not going so well.

Their opinions matter, so it’s time to ask them what they think.

Your friends know you better than anyone, so it’s important to listen to them.

If they think it’s worth trying a second time, it’s because they see something special between the two of you that’s worth keeping.

On the other hand, if they’re telling you to move on, it’s because they have your best interests at heart and don’t want you to get hurt.

Do you have to do what they tell you? Of course, no! But their opinions can show you things you don’t see and help you decide.

how to get back with an ex

We have reached the moment of truth.

Review and make sure you have answered all the questions honestly before you decide.

Is it worth getting back together or are you entering a dead end?

If you have made up your mind and want to give it a second chance, then you need to make sure that your ex feels the same way.

After all, he was the one who broke up with you, and he must have had reasons for it.

What should you do?

1) Give him space

As we mentioned, he broke up with you for a reason, so it’s important that you give him the space to work out his feelings.

If you start calling, texting, and driving over to his house non-stop, then you’re probably pushing him further away.

You will realize that you made the right decision in the first place and there will be no going back.

Giving things time also gives you the opportunity to sort out your feelings and work out what you really want.

2) Don’t play

The time for games is definitely over and you don’t want to waste any more time with a guy who is not interested in you.

If you’ve taken this long and given him the space and you’re still determined to get back together with him, then I know…