I am the same as always, although not the same as before

I’m back to being the same as always: someone capable of getting excited, of savoring life in bites., with sips and hugs. I have put aside who I was recently, someone who had forgotten herself to prioritize others, a shadow of broken dreams and bitter disappointments who little by little was able to heal, to find herself again.

Somehow, We have all been through these types of personal journeys. where we became aware that we had moved too far from our emotional north, from our internal equator.

Finally, In an act of astonishing bravery and admirable personal struggle, we retrace our stepsabout those footprints left in the sand of our emotional oceans to recover our self-esteem, our integrity.

Now, in this delicate psychological process to recover one’s own identity and one’s own values, we must be clear that we almost never become completely immune.

mirrorWe will not be the same as before and perhaps not the same as always.

We will be an improved version. Although yes, it is a process that undoubtedly takes time, because even if we have distanced ourselves from that source of pain, no one makes the leap to happiness or a state of calm and well-being in two days. It takes time, will, self-care and trust. We suggest you reflect on it.

I am a person who suffers and I do not dare to change

This information is curious and we need to think about it. Stopping being the person who suffers means taking a series of steps which not everyone is willing to do. It involves, first, becoming fully aware of one’s own discomfort.

Next, The person must feel a real need to bring about change and, finally, you need to work on a very complicated aspect: WILL.

At first glance, all these steps may surprise us, because who wouldn’t want to start this process to put suffering aside and feel better? Well in reality, although it surprises us, There are those who do not finish taking that “leap”that act of faith to recognize that you can, should and deserve to feel better.

In fact, Viktor Frankl explained to us in his book Man’s Search for Meaning that sometimes, There are those who prefer to persist in a state of unhappiness before starting something that scares you much more: change.

As an example, Anne Thorndike, a primary care physician at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, demonstrated that Not all patients with heart disease take the step toward a healthier lifestyle. in order to guarantee their survival.

Furthermore, it is also known that There are many women who refuse to leave their partners despite being unhappy. for two compelling reasons: out of fear and out of fear of change itself.

Be the same as always, be better

To return to being the person I always had, someone who trusted people, someone who set goals on the horizon and was excited about life, It is necessary that we exercise a muscle that we always tend to neglect. It is a wonderful structure of our emotional and psychological architecture called “will”.

In books like The Willpower Instinct (The instinct of willpower) by Kelly McGonigal, they explain to us that after several decades of research on this dimension, it has been concluded that Willpower is not something you have or don’t have..

Actually, it’s like a muscle, It is like a resource that must be used and even “restored” continuously.. Because sometimes, as happens with physical exercise, we are exhausted, ecstatic and at the limit of our strength.

Sometimes, we forget that we still have the strength to say “enough”, that we have a voice, our own resources and the strength to let go, to close a stage. We cannot forget that The psychological costs of not changing those undesirable aspects of our lives are simply fearsome.

Take the step, be you again

When we leave behind a complex stage, happiness is not guaranteed

The human brain is programmed to resist change. Therefore, we need time and above all, “feed” it with new experiences and thoughts to accommodate it to another focus, to another perception where it can open again to calm, to well-being.

Read, walk, travel, change scenery, promote social contact, start new hobbies, new projects. Little by little, you will realize that in fact, you are back to being the person you always were, but much stronger. More smart.

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Images courtesy of Clare Elsaesser