How to win back a love: practical tips to help you on this mission

At the end of a relationship, regardless of how long it lasted, one of the parties may not be well resolved. Most likely you have already gone through this or seen several people in a situation like this. Especially when the decision to break up is made by only one person, and not in common agreement, it ends up that one of the two can get hurt.

Psychoanalyst and relationship specialist coach, Silvana Rangel, adds that “when a relationship ends and one of those involved continues to love, then the pain arises that for some is almost unbearable. There is a mixture of feelings such as longing, abandonment, frustration and rejection involved in this process”.

To start dealing with this situation you need, first of all, to know how to answer this question:

Are you sure you really want to go back?

In fact, it is common that in the face of a breakup, one of the two wants, at least for a while, to get back together. It may be a common response to the idea of ​​drastic change. Fear of the new life to come can make trying to stay in the relationship seem like the safest option. That’s why it’s necessary to think well, let things cool down so that you can really understand if that’s what you want.

“It is natural for the party involved to feel like coming back and want to win back their love. In this case, it is important for the person to assess the real reasons that make them want to return because often the pain of loss is less than the pain of insecurity that the relationship caused”, advises Silvana.

Think about it, do you really love him and want to live with this relationship again?

Or is possessiveness and insecurity taking over and you don’t want to lose your “thing”?

“I am determined, I want to win him back”

After thinking about it, you’ve decided that this is what you really want – to win back your love. If you are resolved, prepare yourself: it may not be an easy goal to achieve and, even without any guarantee that it will work, a good load of control and self-knowledge will be necessary.

As each encounter is unique, there is no formula to restore a relationship. Even more so when what is at stake is the end of a relationship, and each one ends for one or several specific reasons.

So, there is no way to suggest a step by step or say the best way for you to resume your relationship. The main thing to do may be to meditate a lot on why to resume, if that’s what you want, why you want it and, above all, realize what went wrong and make an effort to fix it.

10 tips to help you win back your love

1. Win back your love (own!)

As cliché as this sentence is, the truth is that you will be much kinder if you love yourself. Of course, it can’t be said that this is a thing of simply snapping your fingers and suddenly having super self-esteem. But the fact is, it’s hard to be attracted to a person who doesn’t trust and doesn’t value himself. Succeeding on her own is her first challenge.

2. Call for a chat

Resolving past issues is essential to any attempt to get back in the relationship in a healthy way. “If you believe that there are real reasons to invest in this love, it’s time to be humble and honestly talk to your ex, without pointing out blame, without judging attitudes and behaviors. Listen to what he has to say, what were the reasons that led him to break up and if he intends to get back together”, says relationship coach Silvana Rangel.

3. Don’t beg

If he’s playing hardball, it won’t do any good to beg and roll at his feet. He’s already let you go, so knowing you’re still available probably isn’t going to make him want to try hard. It can be difficult to hold back this kind of urge in a sudden encounter, for example, but you’ll have to really control yourself to avoid these urges.

4. Leave him without news of you

It can be a good tactic that will generate, at the very least, a curiosity on his part to know what you’re doing that he doesn’t know about. Don’t expose yourself too much on social media, don’t try to get attention – he’ll know or at least suspect that you’re doing it for him. If there is still any interest on his part, the lack of information about your activities will certainly annoy him.

5. Find out if this possibility really exists

It’s no use deceiving yourself that you’ll get it or what he wants if he doesn’t give the slightest sign of it. There is always the possibility that he is masking it, but trust your intuition only sparingly. If he’s already in a new romance or something, it’s probably not the best time and you may have to be cool-headed and see if this other relationship will last.

6. Put an end to situations he didn’t like

It won’t do much good to try to win him back by behaving in the same way that he disliked before. If you’ve decided that you want to resume this relationship, you should think that if he didn’t accept certain things before, and was able to end it, nothing will stop him from giving up again. So it will take a good deal of patience and tolerance, as well as the flexibility to accept changing things in yourself.

7. Identify what went wrong

One of the most difficult attitudes is to get away from the situation so that you can visualize the real reasons for this separation, where those reasons started and ways to resolve them. Looking for culprits, as well as insisting that the other was responsible will not solve anything and the suffering will only extend without anyone understanding each other. You will have to be extremely honest with yourself and have the courage to admit your faults in addition to accepting his.

8. Do not contact him

Cut ties with him, at least for a while. If you have children, do not use them in any way to create more than necessary bonds between you – no one gives love out of obligation or blackmail. You can make it clear to him at some point that you want to get back together, but just once is enough. If he really liked you, he won’t forget you anytime soon. It’s better for him to miss you and get to know you than to be bombarded with texts and phone calls.

9. Live your life

Interesting people have their own lives to take care of rather than needing others to fulfill their responsibilities and goals. When you first met, you were individuals indifferent to any dependence on each other, and that’s how you liked each other. He must want to get back with the person you are and not just what you created together.

10. Keep control

You will feel jealousy, longing, anger and a host of crazy feelings. It will be necessary to learn to control yourself in an intense way. There may come a day when you wake up wanting to call him and explode! A slip like that can ruin everything. It will take a lot of emotional control to achieve your goal. Exercise, yoga, meditation. Schedule your day well so you don’t have idle moments that can make room for wrong thoughts and attitudes.

But all these tips will only serve you if you are constantly analyzing yourself. The reconquest process is nothing more than an achievement that starts from scratch, where you have the opportunity to act with more maturity, wisdom and understanding.