How to spot an insecure man

Having a partner who is always by your side, takes you everywhere, is interested in the smallest details of your day, your company and friendships is the dream of many women, but by being so judicious in choosing a man that meets all their needs, may have actually attracted someone insecure and pathologically jealous.

The man, to be a good partner, must inspire admiration and security in the woman. The error in perceiving insecurity problems in the partner is due to the fact that women reject sexist, authoritarian and lying men; and in the search for a “nice” man, they make mistakes and connect with needy and psychologically ill men.

The danger of insecure men is that their feelings can evolve into possessiveness and the characteristics of machismo, authoritarianism and lying can appear in the medium or long term.

Signs that a man is insecure

• See if he questions, tests and asks for details of any story told, even if you give absolutely no reason to be suspicious.
• See if he goes out of his way to get the two of you to do any and all activities together, even simple things like going to the store to change clothes.
• Notice if he complains when you say you’d like to spend time with your family or alone with your friends. See if he competes with other people you hang out with.
• Watch out if he constantly asks for proof of your love, calls or texts too much, or pressures your friends to tell you what you think of him or what you’ve been doing when he’s not around.
• Make sure he isn’t invading your privacy, digging through your purse, lockers, or gaining access to your cell phone or email inbox.
• Don’t overlook situations where you feel insecure about your partner’s reactions. Raising the tone of voice, making sudden movements, driving at high speed out of anger and making threats even when “in the heat of the emotions of an argument” are attitudes that should be considered as a great sign of danger.

How to deal with male insecurity

If your partner’s insecurity isn’t serious, see if you’re not giving reason. You may not really be interested in anyone else, but you may be unintentionally being effusive or ignoring your partner out of vanity.

If there is nothing unusual about your attitude towards your partner and you can’t get him to rationally demonstrate any concrete reason for the insecurity crises, tell him that such feeling only harms your relationship. Make it clear, with words and actions, that you don’t want to build a relationship based on distrust. If he feels even more threatened, consider whether the best thing is not to end the relationship while there is still time.

Don’t be afraid to end an unhealthy relationship, the longer it takes you to walk away from the situation, the more complicated it can get.

Don’t believe promises of improvement if the relationship has already reached a level of psychological torture or violence. “Some women forget that the promise of improvement will always be made again and again… The danger is that the next act of uncontrol will be more intense than the last, because without psychological treatment the emotional problem will worsen”, warns Dr. Jorge Lordello, security specialist.

If you think that the man you are dating will not be able to accept the end of the relationship and will not have a good reaction, end the relationship in a public place and ask a friend to keep an eye on the situation from afar.